I have changed a lot through these years. .

I am reflecting on who I once was and who I am now, and I must say I have changed pretty dramatically. It wasn't an overnight thing it was a gradual change through the years. I am still the same in some aspects but overall I have made big changes to who I am. I remember being a nerd in high school telling people not to drink and smoke and then I ended up in the same boat with them, I have quite the taste for a good beer! I am still a nerd though. Except my nerdiness focuses on cycling related things, like how many gear inches can I effectively push. And yes I have an Excel spreasheet of Gear inches and skid patches! I want to try and go forward with no regrets, but I am not even sure if that is possible; unless I can somehow see the consequences of each and every decision I make before I make the decision. I am no psychic, so that means I will live with regrets. People could guess pretty easily what most of my regrets are centered around. . .. relationships. 

Failed relationships, relationships that could have been, and relationships that were never meant to be. But I know my path in life keeps me scattering around, never wanting to stay in one place for too long. I guess it's my way of rebelling against what seems to me to be the norm here in Memphis, a sedentary existence. I just can't see myself living in Memphis, or much of the United States for that matter, for any extended period of time. So that really doesn't leave me much chance at any worthwhile relationships but I try anyway haha. I should quote a Radiohead song here "You do it to yourself, just you, just you and no one else". And you know what I live the stereotypical bachelor existence, at times I am really happy with just me but then sometimes I am really down. At times when the sun is shining and I am on my bike listening to some Jimi Hendrix with the wind in my face I am super happy, it let's me escape plus I have the thrill of knowing if I slip and fall the car behind me will crush me into oblivion. And YES, I have slipped before and almost been crushed, it was exhilarating! I am not Suicidal but one of my hats would lead you to think otherwise ^_^.

So I will say that next week is going to be a big week for me in fact this weekend "has" the potential to be a big weekend. I will expound upon the weekend first. Last night there was a spoken word event downtown this was my 2nd time going. And people (ladies) definitely noticed me the first time, oblivious to me. So when I went this second time I was a hot commodity, one young lass went so far as to offer me a romp in her bed with her! But I turned her offer and al subsequent offers down. You are probably thinking "WHAT!?! Isn't that exactly what you have wanted this whole time?". And I would answer NO! I want someone who will be there for the long term. I want to wake up with my significant other by my side. When I go out on bike rides I want her right there with me, even if she isn't as strong of a rider and can't keep up, I will slow down and ride right beside her, because no one wants to be left behind. Things can surely develop from a one night stand as this film showcases nicely. And seeing that trailer for that movie kind of made me sad and wonder what is out there. I mean I believe in fate like somethings in my life line up VERY eerily like to the point where I wonder if maybe a spirit (like of my dad) is secretly guiding me along. An example that happened earlier was after watching that trailer I laid back and said why can't I meet a really cute girl who rides a bike.

On my way to buy some Malt Liquor I saw the cutest girl ever on a sweet little bike. My heart sank because I don't have my bike and I wouldn't dare talk to a cyclist I am attracted to in my car :(. Funny thing is I was wondering if I did know her for a split second I thought she was Abby, but she wasn't (notice how I didn't say "it wasn't").

Moving on to next week. Next week I have an interview for a freakin sweet job in South Korea!! I am talking like OMG I want this job sweet. If I get the job I get 30k a year USD, a free furnished apartment, they pay for my airfare, and I can come to work in casual attire SWEETNESSS!!!! I am going to try harder for this job than anything I have done in my life, but I have to keep my composure can't come across as a needy person. So that interview is on Monday, and then on Tuesday I have my interview for the Peace Corps, which should be a breeze. I have been overseas before and instead of getting sick I worked out even harder than I think I may ever have, although I am working out pretty hard now in anticipation of my new bike. I am going to end this blog by saying thanks to everyone I have met through my life. I want to thank one person in particular though, she is going to be shocked I know. . .

But Carol I want to thank you!! No matter what decision I make you are behind me 100% you are the greatest! Sometimes even my own sister questions my logic haha, but Angelique knows I love her with all my heart, and I am sure she loves me with all her heart we are about as close as a brother and sister who live in different places/parts of the world can be. But Carol if everything goes well before I leave for South Korea we should definitely go out for a few drinks. And while I am overseas (if I get the job) I will keep you, and my little sister in my heart <3.