Stickin it to the man

So my sleep schedule is pretty much fucked, I slept from 5pm till 11pm then stayed up till I had to go to work at 8am. But around 4am I got tired but I had insomnia so I couldn't sleep I had way too much on my mind. So instead I decided to dispose of some of my trash the items I don't know how to deal with, so I threw a bunch of trash on top of my neighbors garage. To make sure I didn't get caught I wore all black and even tied a bandana around my face as I sneaked through the shadows through my garbage all over their roof and garage then I stealthily sneaked back to my apartment seemingly unnoticed. Who needs to sort trash when our neighbor has a garage and a roof! Don't worry it was nothing ridiculous I wasn't throwing anything toxic up there like batteries just some plastic bins that I bought for plants and what not. And my neighbor has quite the green thumb so when the buckets fall off of their roof I am sure they will find a good use for them.

So anyway I went to tired from my 2nd straight night of insomnia I was like a freakin zombie, but I knew that at 12:15pm I was supposed to leave my school and go across town to teach at a special seminar. I had no intention of ever going to that seminar, you see that seminar is put on by the Board of Education, the same board that gets contracts from my company so I have no other way to get revenge on my company than by making them look bad at this seminar when I don't show up. I just got a call actually just now from one of the other teachers at the seminar and he said they are going to track me down, why can't they just leave well enough alone? I told the teacher I am in my pajamas and I am standing my ground, he said he understands that at this point I am past the point of caring about anything. So probably around this time the Board of Education is calling my school and is like where is your ALT, and my school will of course be like we don't know. Evernthough I actually left earlier than usual and told the head teacher, "better get a move on if I want to make it in time!" make it in time to my bed that is. So now I am like a fugitive on the run hiding out in my apartment eating donuts waiting for Heart to send it's goons to come and get me but this time I am not opening the door, because I am not expecting any mail so booyahhh!

On a completely on related note I am meeting up with some random Japanese girl who called me while I was at work on Wednesday and once to meet up with me and hang out. I don't even remember her name let alone what she even looks like, but those things don't matter. Since she is begging for my presence I expect her to buy me ice cream at McDonalds since that is where we are meeting. She needs to compensate me for my time. I will tell her all of this tomorrow when I show up or don't show up which ever I choose. The only thing I am motivated to do at this point is watch Samurai Jack. If Samurai Jack called me and wanted to go out on a date I wouldn't even hesitate I'd be all over that shit. I kind of wanted a relationship earlier this year but now I am back to how I was feeling in college and that attitude is screw that let's be free! I feel great no longer a wage slave instead of my boss bending me to his will I have just turned around and stabbed him in the eye with a spork, a metal spork at that which is the rarest of kitchen utensils. Well I am going to watch Samurai Jack and eat some sushi and wait for my apartment to be bombarded with goons.

Insomnia

At the rock climbing place

Man trying to clean and pack is just as stressful as everything else, even more so considering I haven't really done any cleaning or packing. I have been having some pretty good weekends, decided I have to since these will be my last weekends in Japan for awhile. I went rock climbing and did Karaoke last weekend, and I ate a ton of ice cream. Also I went to this Indian (not Native American) restaurant called Spice Magic that was pretty good. I just wish I had found out about Spice magic sooner there was this Indian girl I talked with briefly at the Hanagasa festival a few months back, but I just thought she was a tourist that came to Yamagata to see the festival, I had no idea she lived here, and worked at Spice magic. And as you all (don't) know there are two things I love more than anything else sleeping, playing guitar hero, and Indian women. I got a bed and a copy of Guitar hero all I need is my Indian lover. A man can dream, but anyway I was at Spice magic and I ordered the "very, very, very, very hot curry" spice and all the japanese people I was with freaked the hell out, and said, "ohhh no not that one it's impossible!"

But I calmed them down and reminded them "I am outlaw" (as the police told me) so it's okay. We all had a good laugh but I think secretly when I said that they were all afraid I would flip out and destroy them like I destroyed that sign. So anyway we all talked while we waited for our food, which took awhile since it was a big group. The ratio would have been good any other time but not this one. Besides me there were only 3 other guys, but there were 8 ladies. Any other time I may have possibly been stoked but this time all these women were a hinderance to the real prize the Indian girl who was at the other side of the restaurant taking orders and darting about like some elusive mythical creature.

She had remembered me when I sat down giving me a big smile since she could tell I was shocked that she was here. And the entire time I was there we furtively caught each other's eyes. All the while I was day dreaming and exchanging these longing glances, 3 of the Japanese girls were asking me questions. I had no idea until one waved her hand in my face and said "hello are you in?"

This snapped me back to reality and I tried to remember what had been going on with the group I was with. But I couldn't think of anything so I just asked what she said before my mind slipped off into fantasy land. She had apparently been flirting with me the whole time I was gazing off into the distance, I wasn't sure if she was flirting because she genuinely liked me or because she wanted to impress her friends by showing them look I can flirt with a foreigner, my english is that good! But seeing as how her friends were flirting too I just figured maybe it was a contest or something. But anyway she asked me the same generic question I had heard like 6 million times.

Why come to Japan?
What is your favorite Japanese food?
Do you have a girlfriend?
What type of girl do you like?

I knew what they wanted me to say to the last question. Probably something along the lines of, "I like girls like you!" But as I was thinking about my answer my eyes meet the Spice magic enchantress and then I gave my answer. . ."I don't know I replied", but I knew pretty damn well what I like. Regardless the girl who asked the question giggled and said some shit in Japanese to her nearby friend I had stopped caring long ago, and I was pretty much a zombie to all the women in the restaurant except for Ms. Curry herself. Finally after what seemed like ages our food came, I got a larger than usual portion, and everyone took notice.

"you must be really popular here? They gave you soo much more food. And they arranged your food so nicely." I heard I looked closer at my plate and noticed that compared to everyone else's food that was just kind of slopped on the plate my food was meticulously set out. My Nan bread was set out to make 4 hearts which all pointed down towards my super spicy Cauliflower and Potato curry. Which isn't really that spicy at all, things that are EXTREMELY spicy to the japanese are like normal spiciness to me. Regardless of this everyone was like eat yours I want to see your face when you see how hot it is. Immediately some of the girls took out their cameras half expecting me to cry at the intense heat, but I took a bite and braced myself like I was about to die and then let my eyes get real wide to give them a bit of a show. Then they were like too hot? And I was like no it isn't hot at all. Then they all said "Sugoiiii!" Geez I hate that word I hear it way too much.

So the meal came to an end and i was being dragged to the next place with the group but I wanted to stay in the restaurant and perhaps order some dessert and talk with the Indian girl. But the group was like we can't do Karaoke without you. So I went to do Karaoke reluctantly. And I think that was maybe one of the few times I did karaoke without first having a crap on of drinks. So obviously it wasn't as exciting and I realized for the first time my voice didn't sound nearly as nice as I had previously thought. After karaoke I went home because I had to work the next day unfortunately or else maybe I would have went out drinking but it was okay probably for the best I didn't drink, that means more money for drinking this friday. Well I guess I will actually do a bit of cleaning now until next time people.

Heartless

So I promised I would write about how my teachers have changed since that day. But I have changed my mind I now need to turn my attention to the shitty company I work for. I am sure many of you who are reading this are familiar with NOVA and it's scandals. I don't even know where to start with Heart. So

I guess I will start from the beginning, the job was shady from day one after I accepted the job and made my preparations for leaving to Japan, they told me that they wouldn't be able to get my Visa to me before I left. I was like umm WTF!?! I kind of need the Visa to get into the country but they were like it's okay just lie to the airport staff. I should have turned the job down right then and there, but I was in a bind they didn't tell me this till a week after I sent them my flight information insuring I guess that I wouldn't back out of the deal after discovering there shady plans. So I flew to Japan dreading what was going to happen when I got to the country since I didn't have a visa. But it all ended up working out and I made it to the hostel I was supposed to go to upon arriving in Japan.

Of course at the Hostel I meet one of my bosses and her gaggle of dim witted goons. i didn't know what the hell was going on this being my very first time in the country and the goons didn't seem to know what was going on either running back and forth asking each other questions before telling me:

"umm I don't know right now I will find out and let you know. . .maybe".

Ahh yes nothing like a firm maybe planted at the end of an answer to convey certainty, and knowledge of the situation. So then me and the other teachers joked that this company was shady as hell and we had gotten ourselves into a fine mess. But the thing was the company wasn't that bad if you didn't have to deal with them, and fortunately we rarely had to deal with Heart. They just dropped us off in our respective cities and left us to our wits, with little to no training what so ever. So luckily the job isn't hard at all or else we would all suffer greatly.

So fast forward a few months get to August up till that point that was my worst month in Japan it also happened to be my Vacation month, if I had known then what would happen now I would have stayed in America. But I came back like a fool, and then September became my worst month ever, and then October continued my torture, as I am slammed with tons of fees and bills, with little money to eat with since my company paid me next to nothing for the month. Strange how I am not in America yet I am filling the market turmoil just as much or more than my friends back home. I have been living this week off of just 2,000 yen ($20). And I am not sure if I mentioned it before but food is freakin expensive here. So I am impressed with how far I have made it. So anyway in October I missed a day of work because I was exhausted, having insomnia the night before there was no way I was going to be able to make it to work on my bike. Now I had missed days before and it was no problem but this time Heart got pissed. They called me a bunch of times I ignored the calls because I wanted to sleep. So they sent someone over to force me to go to work, I shouldn't have answered the door. But I did thinking it might be the mail man, but nope there was one of Heart's employees who barked orders at me almost immediately, telling me to get dressed and that I am going to work today. Half way asleep I stared in disbelief and then told her flat out "NO" then went back inside and bolted my door, in case they sent Yakuza hahaah. Almost immediately Heart called and told me that I better go to work I told them I had only missed like 2 days this entire year and that I was really tired. The lady held back her anger and said fine you are off today then and hung up the phone. A small victory in what was soon to become an all out war.

You see I knew all to well the way Japanese companies treated foreign workers. But I had the "That won't happen to me, I'm different mentality". You never thing bad stuff will happen to you until your knee deep in shit sinking fast and even then you are skeptical. So the battle had started and I had no idea, but I found out quickly though. Heart sent a representative to help me sort out my fines with the police and the representative told me pretty much the truth since he was only a part time worker he didn't care what I knew. So he pretty much told me Heart hates you, don't think you have any friends at the company. Wow I thought to myself what had I done to receive contempt from my boss and the goons!?! Just 2 months ago they told me I was voted their best teacher in Yamagata and that I was doing a good job, so keep up the good work. And now al of a sudden they couldn't stand me, all because I took my 3rd day off this entire year!?! I was stunned and started to get that mixed bag of feelings of isolation, loneliness, and an intense feeling of being misunderstood.

I had this same intense feeling of being misunderstood once before, when I was in college where I was pretty much a social outcast because I didn't subscribe to black stereotypes, I don't like basketball, don't wear baggy clothes (they make you look homeless like all of your clothes were hand me downs), and I don't wear fake jewelry, etc. So not being a stereotypical thug in the city of Atlanta you are automatically a homosexual interesting and ignorant dynamic. But I didn't feel alone and hopeless like I do know at least then I had a few friends in a similar situation but here I face the storm alone. It feels like me versus all of Japan. Japan is a very homogenous culture and no matter how hard you try you can never be Japanese people will try but they will always just be "gaijin" (that word might as well be a racial slur).

And another difference between now and then is I didn't care what my peers in college thought I thought they were largely ignorant, I was on scholarship and did Work study in the financial aid office and would look in shock as students would come in asking about their refund check, and my boss would tell them you really should use this money to pay off your loans and not just spend it, but he students would say 9/10 times I got to buy some new clothes going to a party, or I need new speakers and rims for my car, pure ignorance, but I can't help people make good decisions and neither could my boss no matter how much he tried to give them good advice, ultimately it's up to each person to decide what they will do and what the think. That is the beauty of free will it makes every thing so exciting and at other times so hopeless and desolate. But now I did care what my peers (and my boss) thought because I couldn't make sense of this instant change in attitude towards me, what had caused such a momentous negative shift in opinion of me!?! I felt that it was all a misunderstanding, but at this point there was nothing I could do to try to return to how things once were, I could barely communicate with most of my peers because of the langauge barrier, but I tried anyway. But after a week of trying I resigned myself to my new fate, and just dug in for the long haul.

A week after that Heart went on the offensive again. I had sent in my letter of resignation, which caused them to go mad with rage, and I was berated of course for breaching the contract, I explained to them that my mood had changed so much and I was always depressed now, whereas before I loved going to work now I dreaded it, laying awake with insomnia most nights dreading what would be whispered amongst the other teachers about me or what other teachers would run away at the sight of me like I was some kind of grotesque monster. Of course the lady at Heart didn't care about anything I was saying if she could even understand any of it, she just went back to yelling at me when I told her how hopeless it all seemed to me, and that I had no support here, and obviously no support with my company either. So I tried to re-explain to my irate supervisor. I told her that I am just pretending to be all smiles among the kids, because I love my students very much, they have touched my life so much and I hope I have touched their lives as much as they have touched mine. But I told her that my shell will crack and the facade can't be held much longer. In fact the veil of happiness I put on work was already opaque to some students, one asked me at lunch what was wrong? I put on an air of happiness and replied: "I am just tired, Kenny is just really tired. Don't worry about me".

I told my supervisor that I felt my sadness and despair would make the students melancholy, as the students tended to mimic whatever mood I was in. And that's not what I want for my students I don't want to bring them to the edge of despair and force them to look into that dark brooding lake of loneliness. I wanted my students to have the teacher they really need someone full of hope and laughter, a teacher that I once was but could no longer be again confronted with my stress and constant struggle with Heart. I want the best for my students, I only wish I could chose my replacement myself, but I wouldn't want to put someone in my place with Heart. If I could chose a teacher who could work independent of Heart I would, in fact if I could work independent of Heart I would continue working, but that is impossible.

So in the recent battle of the war. Heart told me that they are going to pretty much rape my paycheck. They are going to take 50,000 yen out of my check for the days I will miss for the next month's paycheck. I agreed with that because I did technically breach the contract. So then I thought it was over I told them I would be leaving November 4th when they asked when I will depart. Then they said that they are going to charge me for a full month of rent even though I will only be here for 4 days in November. This of course didn't make any sense the rent should have been prorated since I would only be here for 4 days out of the month. But what was I going to do I am a foreigner at the mercy of the Japanese, the courts won't listen to what I have to say, and Heart knows it, so I am at their mercy. So then just now they told me that I have to vacate my apartment by November 1st!!! Even though I of course have no where else to go. So I decided enough is enough I can't take this injustice. So I told them if I am paying for a full month of rent, that I deserve to stay at least till the 4th, I am waiting for their response but I am sure it won't show me any favor. I have found Heart is largely a Heartless corporation, cold and calculating "profits before people"!

So anticipating a negative response to my plea I think I will have to lie to get out of this country. Which is ironic considering I had to lie to get in. I think I will have to tell Heart that I will stay on and work till November 14th like they asked me too, but then leave when the 4th comes around. It may be the only way I can make it out of here :( . So now I sit here waiting the days out trying to anticipate what other hardships Heart will throw at me.

*sigh*

On a side note I would say it was still a good experience coming here. I have always wanted to come to Japan, but I see now it is a country to visit, but not one to live in. I have grown a lot since I have been here, and I think all this hardship and misery has made me a better person, and will help me appreciate the small things that I may have overlooked before ^_^

Samurai Jack - Spring

OMG so after some heavy meditation I decided to watch this episode of Samurai Jack and OMG this is the best cartoon to watch after heavy meditations. It is called the 4 seasons of death and Spring has sooo Many sexual innuendos. Like after he is walking into this "tunnel" of thorns it starts to bloom.

So like this is eluding to the uterus and the blooming of course meaning fertility. So that was like the first one not so bad right. But they get more raunchy here people OMG hide the chillins' and eat the Chitlins. So let's continue. 

So he keeps walking and at the end of this tunnel there is a . . .

surprise large beautiful violet flower. I think the flower is alluding to the good ole' va jay jay. If I remember Georgia O'keefe did a lot of paintings of flowers that she said represented Vaginas. And we know how crazy those O'keefes are. Well I do at least I know an O'keefe or maybe her name is O'queef. Well what ever old lady O'keefe is off of her rocker. So out of the flower comes a beautiful faeire woman.

 So know it starts getting interesting ehh!?! "Hubba hubba"! [Chet you fucking monkey, I am not sure if that is correct grammar]. So anyway then she tempts young samurai Jack in this beautiful Garden resembling the Garden of Eden. And she gets the better of him. But I mean she was saying stuff like:

"You are a hero, but what Replenishes you?"

And who can forget.

"To aid for you in your cause I have come to give you nourishment to provide for you."

And. . .

"Stay for a moment where it is peaceful, rejuvinate your senses, and regain your strengths."

So she leans back next to a clam moving stream to receive Jack to lay his head on her lap. Jack sits listlessly in the forest on her lap and then gazes up and sees this. . . 

I don't know about you folks but that looks like a good ole' fashion forest vagina. Complete with sparkles. Yay! Enjoy kiddies! So any way the camera goes back to the stream and now brightly colored flowers are flowing down it.

So the camera goes back to Jack and then all of a sudden he sees old man Aku come to make Jack lose his grip and shoot his load to quick i.e. Premature ejaculation. So then Aku comes to him in vision 2 more times and then he loses it and gets up (cums to fruition). And then our faerie woman turns in to a bitch and her and Jack end up fighting. So the innuendos came full circle here people. Astounding I would hate to see what Samurai Jack would do with racism, ohh wait they already did the episode where Jack is in Louisiana down in the bayous.

So I am about to watch more Samurai Jack. But i am leaving Japan November 4th!!!

6 months as an Ex-pat :(

Simpler times. . .

So it has been about 6 months since I have been living in Japan, and long story short I want to go back to the US. Well not just back to the US but to California. Things in Japan just haven't been working out to well for me. Almost every situation goes from bad to worse. Don't get me wrong I have had my share of good times in Japan and met some really cool people that I am glad I have met but I feel the call of the Red, White, and Blue. Not just all of a sudden I started to feel the cal back during the time of the Hanagasa festival. While watching that festival I really missed America. If any of my friends from America are reading this I miss you guys ^_^. So yea the epitome of mishaps happened last Saturday when I got picked up by the cops for vandalism. Let's go to the start of saturday evening. 

Colin had just come back in town from Canada a few days earlier, and I hadn't been doing too much of anything in Yamagata, because my paycheck for the month was next to nothing even now I barely have enough money to like buy food, I had to sell my iPod to get food money! And even after selling my iPod I barely have enough money to last until my next paycheck. I know you are probably wondering what the hell are you eating over there babies!?! I assure you I am not eating babies, and if I am I don't know I am because I never know what I am eating here. So to help me get buy I got a second job on the weekends, but who wants to work 2 jobs?? Not me that's for sure. 

Back to the story though so I didn't really have the money to hang out and I was about to bail out on the whole night and just go home and go to sleep. Looking back in retrospective I should have bailed. But if I bailed this would be the end of this story, but like a choose your own adventure book I chose another path. So I went to Colin's after I bought like a 5 dollar bottle of some really cheap whiskey because that's all my budget would allow. And then me and Colin went to Yamaya the "World Liquor System" to buy some more whiskey and coke to make some drinks. Then we went to Colin's to have some whiskey and dinner. David came to join us as well we convinced him to have one shot of Jack. And then shortly after that we set off on our excursion for the night. We went to Jay's bar not much was going on at Jay's so we went to another bar down the street and nothing much was going on there either, in fact nothing seemed to be going on anywhere. So Colin set out to find something to do. What he found was the dreaded hostess bar, that's right the same type of bar that had sent me fleeing from Japan once before. 

Let me explain the dynamics of the hostess bar again. Basically you pay a set fee to be at the bar and the bar provides you with a bunch of tarted up hussies who hang on your every word. Problem with that is I don't speak Japanese that we'll so there aren't many words to hang onto. And you have to buy everything the girls drink on top of paying to be there. And not to sound vain or anything but I think the girls should technically have paid for my drinks and for the privilege to be drinking with me. Because my teeth aren't jacked up like most Japanese people's teeth are, I am a very interesting person most girls at hostess bars are about as fun as a corpse, and I can make people laugh pretty easily with my over the top antics. So anyway every time I go to a hostess bar I think of the fact that the girls there should be paying me, and that makes me pissed off instantly. And also I never go to hostess bars on my own accord I am always dragged there by the people I am with. There has never been a time while I was in Japan when I was like damn I am lonely I want to go to a hostess bar and hang out with superficial comfort women. NEVER!! But there have been times where I was like fuck this shit I want to eat chocolate chip pancakes. I have had plenty of nights where I just stopped everything and went to eat pancakes. 

But anyway once again I found myself being dragged to a hostess bar for the 3rd time. And the girl I was with looked like Beetlejuice jacked up teeth and stripped dresses have that effect on women here. If I could say Beetlejuice and send my hostess back to the netherworld I would have. So anyway it was a horrible experience just like ever other time I had been to a hostess bar. But I pretended to be semi enjoying myself. As the night dragged on and I kept drinking watered down Shochu and talking to the hostess I decided to sing some Karaoke I sang Prince "Purple Rain" and some Disney songs Colin kept telling me to sit down haha. I guess he didn't realize that by singing the Karaoke I was trying to salvage the horrible night for myself at least. But he was like just sit there and talk to your girl. And I was like who? Bettlejuice?

So finally the time came for us to leave and Colin was pissed at that point too. I went with him to get my bike and then he was like I am going to go back and spit on someone, and I was like okay!! I wanted to go back just to see that because I am sure a fight would break out and who doesn't love a good fight. But of course no one was there so then still pissed and with no one to spit on Colin decides we should rip the sign down (It was really just a sticker on a wall a glorified bumper sticker if you will). I didn't think it was a good idea I just wanted to go and eat at Mos Burger and then go to sleep, but then Colin said if you help me I will buy you anything you want to eat, being strapped for money I couldn't say no. So I assisted my angry Canadian friend. I was angry too and have been angry many times in Japan but when I get angry I just leave and go watch cartoons, I am not usually an angry drunk I am more of a happy social drunk, but if I am drunk and even slightly angry a hostess bar is usually involved. So not 15 seconds into helping Colin a fat Japanese guy comes around and grabs my shirt collar and starts swinging me around wildly like a rag doll causing me to lose my balance and fall and almost break my iPod. Then the guys from the hostess bar come down and surround Colin and start yelling at him and one guy gets really irate but the others hold him back. 

Then the cops show up and take us both away they don't listen to anything I try to tell them they just whisk us away. At the police station I am interrogated by a bunch of cops speaking Japanese yelling stuff at me. Of course they can't intimidate me because I can't understand anything they are saying. So they bring in a half ass translator who doesn't really listen to what I say but makes his own assumptions based on what he wants to understand. So after 4 hours or so of that I am taken to the police station that has my bike and have to wait there with a grinning Japanese lawyer who looks like the Chesire cat except with horrible teeth and bad breath. My job is called and someone from my dispatch company comes to get me. And they tell me not to worry. But I had to worry because I had a feeling my school would find out and that would make work awkward. But I held out for the hope it wouldn't reach my school.

It did :(. I will write about how my job changed after this incident another day, for now I will enjoy my day off.