Oh My

I woke up today after a night of heavy drinking and inebriation. And I started to look around my room to piece the preceding nights events together. I looked at my shoes and noticed splatters of some orange substance all over them. I thought to myself did I run through some mud or something last night WTF is this stuff? Then I remembered that I threw up like 3 times outside of the Yamagata police station. Hahaha I remembered going there to see if someone found my coin wallet, and I was like laying down on the table as tons of cops tried to figure out what I was saying, and why I was just laying on there table. They asked me if I was drunk, and I was like no just sleepy, and then as soon as I left I hurled threw up all over the place. The cat was out of the bag when I blew chunks, at that point it was pretty obvious I was wasted. When they saw me throw up they are like are you sure you aren't drunk? And I was like NO does it look like I am drunk and then I immediately threw up again. So that was pretty interesting, then I started to retrace my steps. On the way home from work I bought like a huge bottle of beer and drank it while I took a crap, which I know sounds disgusting but it wasn't that bad. After I went to Yuta's shop and drank some more and got pretty wasted there, BEFORE I went out to get wasted. Drinking in Japan can be expensive, as I am sure I have mentioned many times before. But I don't really care all my income is pretty much disposable so whatever.

So I returned to Sandinista again, and wait! I was going to go to Loop another bar and then Yuta said he heard that Kenny had gotten in a fight there. And I was like "Huh? I didn't get in a fight there!". So I hope the people at Loop are talking about someone else named Kenny which I find hard to believe, I doubt there is another Kenny here, but it's possible. Otherwise I feel they are slandering my name because I didn't go into there bar. So now I am kind of wary of Loop and the people I meet there. So any ways I went to Sandinista where I know a lot of people that are really cool. And at first the night was pretty slow I was drunk so I forgot that we actually got there early last night. I saw all the regulars I see there like every night haha. This time it was just me though Yuta had to help his friend out so I had to use what little Japanese I knew to make it through the night. 

I was standing by the bar and this guy sitting at a table with a group of ladies started yelling at me to join them. I didn't know what was going on and then he extended a beer towards me, and it was like that painting where Man is reaching out to touch Gods' finger, it was heavenly. I grabbed the beer and sat down between two ladies who were enamoured with my stars. They asked me the basic questions how old am I? Where do I live? Do I have a girlfriend? When I tell people my age the freak out no one believes me or they think I am a baby. But, yea I talked with them for awhile and we all got up and danced my legs were aching from running with my students, and they still ache. And then like after awhile I went to talk to some other ladies I knew, but I probably should have kept talking to the ladies I was dancing with. I always spread myself to thin haha. I go for more than I can handle at any given moment, I always say ok tonight just stick to talking to one girl, but I always talk to a lot. And like I will go back and forth and some will leave and I am left with nothing. I hope that makes sense, it's kind of like a lion running after a group of gazelle he pursues one then all of a sudden goes after another one, and then another, and before he knows it he is tired and the gazelle have all scattered.

Ohh and let me recap the drunken bike antics that happened last night. I was sitting on my bike outside of Sandinista and kicked some random bike over next to mine and the owner happened to be walking up to get the bike as I was kicking it over haha, talk about awkard. Also it took me awhile to get up on my bike because I was so drunken I like almost feel getting on my bike. And riding your bike home when you are super drunk has to be the worst thing in the world, when it gets warmer I might start sleeping in the streets, or on the table at the police station. Also there was a group of people walking from downtown towards where I live, and I wanted to stop and talk to them, but it took all of my composure to keep my bike straight, so I just said screw it and pedaled to my house. I still need to meet people that live near me, so hopefully one day. . .

Japanese learning revisited

Judge the commercial for yourself. 

So I have been learning Japanese every day at work now for like 2 weeks and I had no idea what my ability is at!?! But just now I used a bit of it on Stickam.jp to talk to a few japanese people and I am actually getting better. Slowly but surely I am learning Japanese, it may take me 20 years but I will eventually learn a 2nd language. At first I was learning Japanese just to pick up the ladies but then, I figured screw that. That is like the worst reason in the world to learn a language. So that's why I quit learning Japanese for awhile. But then I got new inspiration from my phone company, or rather from their commercials. You see Softbank commercials feature this black guy, who people here swear I look like (although I deny such claims vehemently). So he says like 1 or 2 lines in Japanese and he is freakin' famous. So I figure if he can say "よそがい　です" and be famous here then I can say something equally as dumb and get equally as famous. And that ladies and gentlemen is the current reason I am learning Japanese. So hopefully when I do get around to living in Tokyo I can march up to the office of one of these phone companies and demand a job. And maybe some M&Ms. Hey I love those little chocolate delights, don't judge me. So for now I am going to eat this Japanese sausage I am making. No, not like that.

げんき！

A random sign from the Yakitorri shop.

So time for an update, I know I am the laziest blogger ever. I am sorry guys and gals. But let's get into the blog so I have been spending a lot of time hanging out at Yuta's bike shop getting drunk and meeting some cool people. So now my life is similar to Clerks I just stand around and drink some beer, and talk what little Japanese I can. Speaking of me talking in Japanese, I think my Japanese is getting better, and I am happy! I can understand a bit more and read some more Kanji　(所=place). So I have been keeping a budget because I want to see where my money goes. So on friday I ran with my students, in something they call PSP. I think PSP means Physical Strength Patience, it doesn't make sense if it is a sentence but it's Japan so screw it. So anyways after I got off work I went to buy some food, and I didn't have quite as much money as I thought so I was like, "WTF!?!". So I started thinking maybe someone stole some of my money. So I started thinking of all the "mischievous" students who could commit such an act, but then I thought maybe it was another teacher. But after thinking back on the days and reconciling my budget, I started to realize I am a careless drunk.

This isn't the first time I thought someone stole something at work. I have these seating charts for my classes to help me learn students names. And one day they were missing so I assumed some of my students playing a joke took them so then I started my inquisition looking for the guilty party then while I was bored I looked all the way in the back of my desk drawer and my charts where there. I guess I am too used to living in America where my stuff gets stolen all the freakin time. But this is Japan, I have to remember that. People aren't going to throw bottles at me here, and I don't have to worry about what weapon the guy walking up to me in the street has. So when I realized I was jumping to conclusions I wasn't angry anymore I was just bored then. So what did I do? Well I shaved stars into my head! Yes that's right I shaved a big star unto each side of my head. I was worried with how they would come out but I think they came out pretty good considering it was my first time doing something like that. So after I shaved the stars into my head I practiced my C-walk, and then took a shower, and prepared for the night's adventure.

So I called my friend Yuta to see if he was up at the Bike Shop, and if he wanted some beer, Yes was the answer to both of those questions, as always. So I bought a 6 pack and a tall boy and head out for the night. Since it was dark as I rode my bike no one really noticed my stars but when I arrived at my destination everyone was like ohhhhhhh すごい!!! So I was instantly popular amongst the people at the bike shop, and ready to get drunk. So I knocked back a few cans of Asahi, and then we headed to Sandinista in a huge mob of bikers. On the way I noticed the ladies were noticing my hair, and it looks like they like what they saw. Score 1 for the home team! So in the bar I must say I had a pretty good night, probably the best night yet, I knew a lot of people as always and they were a lot of ladies, so it was all good. I started talking to a girl I thought looked familiar and it turned out she was familiar I had seen her earlier in the week at a Yakitorri shop. She was pretty cute I think I don't remember haha once again drunkeness clouds my hindsight.

I had to carve someone else's name into the wall, at their request.

But then I also think I screwed up some girl I don't remember who just like started rubbing my stars, she was obviously drunk. . .HELL YEA! So she was like do you dance, and I was like yes I do, "わかりますか　C-Walk?". I showed her a bit of the C-Walk but she wanted to see more, so she was like let's go to the dance floor. But on the way I got intercepted by a crowd of people I know and I didn't make it to the dance floor, so that sucked. And then like I forgot what I was doing so I just got another drink then like the girl left and when I remembered it was too late. So that blew, so after that I hung out for a bit more and talked to a few more ladies, before heading to J's Bar. When I go to J's bar it looked like America it was ton's of gaijin in there, and I was like ehh this kind of sucks, so I went back to Sandinista. And hung out for a bit more. I saw Beda at Sandinista and he was like let's go to J's so then I went back. This time I meet some guy named Alex, that Johnny knew. Alex was wearing these huge white gloves that it looked like he stole from Mickey Mouse. So he took one off to shake my hand and I hesitated, I was like do I want to shake this guy's hand!?! I looked at his hand to see what was wrong with it, and then said fuck it, and shook his hand. I still don't know why he was wearing those huge gloves, but he was an odd fellow. He had a mohawk poof thing that looked strange. It looked like a rapist hair cut, but maybe people think my haircut looks strange so I can't really judge the guy.

There is more but this blog is long and I am lazy. . . So I could say I will finish this later but I probably won't so I will end this here.

Ahhhh

Haven't updated in awhile so figure I would take the time to write a bit today. There is much I want to say but I am not a liberty to discuss everything here on this blog, somethings are better left unsaid. And somethings I should never be discussed. But right now I will talk about something that shouldn't ever be mentioned anywhere. What is that you ask? Well it's simple, public masturbation. Random I know, but stick with me here, for this is one tricky dick, literally! Last night I was hanging out with my friend Yuta hitting some spots up around town doing some drinking have a good time, let me just say here that I wasn't all woman crazy this weekend, in fact I didn't even go out of my way like usual to try and find some sweet pun I just drank and had a good time. But, returning to the topic. As the night went on we found ourselves at J's bar and there was an interesting fellow passed out drunk on a couch. But what made it so interesting was even though this guy was drunk as hell passed out, he had like a Kung Fu grip on his tube steak. And it looked like he was fappin' people tried to stop him, but his grip was too strong he was masturbating like it was an ancient forbidden martial art that only he knew how to do. Of all the things you can do while passed out drunk I think masturbating has got to be one of the worst. It's right up there with passing out in your own vomit, maybe worse the verdict is still out on this. The best part was when he finished and wiped his hand on a nearby purse brushed himself off and walk out like nothing had even occurred. He was like oh I wasn't just pleasuring myself on that couch, not at all, it was all an illusion I am a magician. Watch as I the amazing Mongo make my hand disappear in my crotch region.

So a few other highlights about last night. First there were a ton of people standing around in the street for no apparent reason, but it was insane how many people were standing in the street, I am used to this town being a ghost town. And I am the lonely drunk gaijin rider, riding my bike into a drunken sunset. But last night the city was very alive, so that was a pleasant surprise. So I decided to drink a few beers at a convenience store, and on my 3rd beer I got wrangled. Yes some random Japanese guy came and got me and him and his friends took me to a club in the shadier part of town, I didn't go in though. At first he said I could go in for free but then we got there and he was like okay pay. And I was like I expected this I just walked with you so I could finish my beer. But he turned out to be a cool guy, so maybe one day I will hang out with him sometime. But as a whole last night was very fun, I even carved my name into the wall of the bathroom of one of my favorite clubs.



And not being content with just carving my name I also carved other people's names into the wall people who will probably never come to Japan that I know, but I made it look like they were here. You guys can thank me later (Cameron and Brandon).



Also what was surprising was that most of the stuff carved into the wall was in English/Engrish. Of course the obligatory "Fuck You" was carved into the door, and "Tommy wasn't blown here" was carved on the left wall with an arrow pointing to it with something else saying "Tommy is gay". So if Tommy ever comes back he will be pissed. Ohh the weekend wasn't all good, I got a free bracelet from one of my friends and then lost it like 10 minutes later, I have had 2 bracelets since I have been in Japan both have been really girly and make me look gay, but hey I like them, and wish I wasn't so destructive unknowingly. And the last thing I will mention is I C-walked last night and tons of girls video taped my foot work with their camera phones. I thought that was funny because I was drunk and I thought I sucked, but I ended up teaching a bunch of people how to do it. So that was fun. But for now I am going to practice my C-walk so また~!!

Japanese Rave

A drunken picture before I went out Saturday

Let me start this blog of first by saying I freaking love wireless internet! The reason being is because I am taking a dump right now as I type this blog. Last night was Saturday night and it started off sort of uneventful. I was sitting around my place watching Purple Rain and drinking red wine. Great movie by the way. So after watching the movie I was thinking hey I should head up to Sendai, since it isn't too far away and it's a big city. But I was so lazy I just said screw it I am going to head to a local bar Sandinista, and see what stuff is like up there. I think the cover charge was 1,500¥ so that is about $15. Not to bad of a cover charge here in Japan, except for the fact that I didn't get a free drink with that cover charge so that freaking sucked. It was pretty slow in the bar. Actually I was concerned about how it was going to be inside as there was a lot of people standing outside of the bar leaving, so at first I thought it was closed. So after having a few drinks some people noticed me from my exploits around town. けーすけ (Kessuke) had remembered me from Kajo Park that day I was really drunk and passed out on the ground. The other guy ゆた (Yuta) I had seen only briefly from the night I was drinking nomihodai with Collin and David. Yuta spoke English so I was like sweet definitely going to hang out with this guy tonight, since I was rolling solo that evening.

After a few drinks I decided to talk to a few ladies, the first girls I talked to looked like lesbians but I was like screw it, so I talked to them, well rather her. You see one girl was really cute and the other was fat and looked like a dike. So I talked to the cute girl who is from Tokyo it turns out, as I talked to her I found out she has a boyfriend. So I was like umm talk to you later. I went back to get another drink and she came up to me and said "I'm a so drunk!", and I was like okay that's nice get out of my face please. I talked to a few other girls I think, I don't really remember. But what I do remember was meeting a guy who looked like he was an extra from New Jack City I mean he had the big plaid shirt baggy black pants K-Swiss, the works he looked like he just came from doing a drive-by shooting in 1985. So I talked to him and he was like your pants are so tight, and I replied "that's how I roll dawg!". After awhile I grew bored of Sandinista, so me and Yuta and one of his friends went to go get some Ramen. I can't stress enough how freaking delicious real Ramen is holy crap I love that stuff. But yea so this Ramen was good just like all the other Ramen I have ever eaten. After the Ramen me and Yuta decided to head up to J's bar which is like the only bar in the city that stays open really late.

I talked Jay into letting us pay a lower cover charge and still get a free drink. The cover charge was 2,000¥ ($20) but Jay let us pay half that and still get a free drink. That night at J's there was a rave complete with crazy gaijin on X jumping all around and being all sweaty. I danced a bit to the techno music that was blaring from the speakers, and talked to a few people, there was a guy in the bar wearing a mask I have no idea what that was about but he looked like a Luchadore. There was a girl who was having her birthday party there, I talked a bit with her she was actually 21! OMG I actually found a girl who isn't like 6 years older than me or 8 years younger than me. Her name is Miki, I believe she said she was half Japanese half Filipino. And I think she was pretty cute, once again hard to remember, because I was drunk and it was dark, but I am definitely going to try and see her again maybe next weekend. Later on I started talking to some other girl who was completely wasted, she was leaning against the bar rolling her head around. As I talked to her she just got out of her chair and sat on the floor I thought she was about to vomit, so I rubbed her back to make her feel better. Damn it would have been so sweet if she threw-up (haha). Yea but then she like put her head in my lap and I was like wait I hope she doesn't throw up on me. I guess maybe I was being half sleazy here as well, I was asking her if she wanted to leave. But then like I got Japanese cock blocked. Some other guy walked up and picked her up. I am hoping it was her friend or something, but it was probably just some other sleazy guy who came and took my prize. He won though he spoke Japanese so I was just like okay I lose this time, so I went back to talk with Miki and she fed me some of her cake, and I asked her why she didn't have a boyfriend, and she said like she broke up with him, I guess recently. So I got her number and we danced a bit and then she had to go. So after she left one of the crazy gaijins high on X walked up to me and was like come on buddy let's fuckin dance so I got up and danced.

Later on I served as a drunken translator for him as well, he wanted me to help him talk to a couple of ladies at the other end of the bar. He couldn't have picked a worse group, they were lesbians. I told the girls I don't believe them I need to see it, "Seeing is believing" after all. So the kissed and I was like okay now I believe it. . .I think let's see it once more so there are no doubts, but they were like no! Before I left for the night I talked to one more lady who was from Sendai, I have no idea why someone from Sendai would come to Yamagata to party but, she had some reason for coming here to party. When I found out she was from Sendai I tried to get her number so I could have a contact person in Sendai but she said no, I got burneeddddd. Also let me mention that there was almost a fight in the bar between a gaijin and a Japanese guy I went over to break it up, kind of silly for me to be breaking up fights because I am a pretty small guy, but once I got up to go over there Jay and his boys got up to, they are pretty big guys so with them backing me we stopped the two guys from fighting, and told the Japanese guy to leave. Yea that's right we made the Japanese guy leave. When I walked outside the sun was beaming down, it was freaking 8am I had raved all night. I said Ohayo gozaimasu to the other people from the rave who were standing around outside, and then rolled off on my bike. I stopped off at Renaissance, a gym nearby, to try and join. I figured since I was nearby I might as well swing by, but of course they were closed. Well I am going to go to sleep people, got freaking work tomorrow I am like the only teacher who has to work everyday this week. Mike is off this whole week and is in Tokyo and Julie another teacher I came up here with is off tomorrow and is hanging with her friends from back home. But not me I get shafted :(

Learning Japanese

Ahh yes the Japanese language (日本語), so mysterious so daunting and seemingly impossible. Many people ask me, "Your in Japan right? Do you speak any Japanese?". To which I reply (sukoshi) すこし which means "a little". Hmm the topic of the Japanese language can help me shed some light on why I chose to come to Yamagata prefecture. You see back when I was just a bum sitting around on a futon eating chips and wiping the grease from them on my shirt, I decided I want to go to Japan and learn Japanese. So then I started thinking if I go to Tokyo I might not actually learn Japanese I will probably just meet a bunch of other foreigners and hang out with them, and just speak English all the time. Then I decided my best bet to learn Japanese was to go to a smaller city far from Tokyo. A city with not a lot of gaijin, some place where I could really interact with the Japanese locals. That place was to be Yamagata city. At first I imagined my time in Yamagata to be some dream like existence where I am like doing all this cool stuff; like maybe playing against Godzilla in a game of pogs.

But then I started thinking of the other side of things. What if my life was like that of Frankenstein; where I am like viewed as like some kind of monster. And my life is that of an outcast, and it all culminates into a rainy night where the people of Yamagata are outside my apartment with torches shouting "kill the monster" (in Japanese of course). Having lived here for a month I find I haven't really learned too much Japanese I spend most of my time riding my bike around the city trying to find out what things are fun to do. And as far of my fears of just hanging out with foreigners, well they have manifested themselves here in Yamagata, as the only Japanese I know are from drunken forays into the night, which does not a good friend make here in Japan. Many of you reading this are probably thinking "Ohh shizzie he had a strizoke in his brizzain and now he's throwing in the towel!". In fact many of my friends are like "done with Japan yet? can I expect to see you at this party next week?". I guess everyone expects me to just give up and return to America. Take note of what I am about to say, America still sucks hahaha. I still chose my peaceful life in Japan (no matter how boring and uneventful it can be sometimes) to life in America.

Let me also say that I am not saying that I hated my life in America, I have a lot of really good friends back home that I miss. I just wish they were here in Japan with me, as opposed to be being back in America with them. Actually I think one of my friends who recently graduated is going to try and come to Japan to do the same thing I am doing. If he makes it over here that would be awesome I am hoping that he does it and everything works out. You know who you are Gordon (you mark ass trick). So I have definitely strayed from the original topic which was Japanese language, so let me return to that.

I am giving up on learning Japanese! Haha, but wait don't misunderstand me I am still going to learn conversational Japanese; however I am not going to go out of my way to learn grammar and Kanji and all of that stuff. Hey I am still American and I will exercise my right to be lazy as it is written in the 69th Amendment, "every American has the right to excessive laziness". Also I am going to just let things happen from now on, as I sit here and type this I have decided I want to return to my care free days, those are the days I miss most. Being young and eating hot dogs right out of the package and eating Cap'n Crunch by candle light as I watched Angry Beavers. I am done trying to chase the ladies, I am just going to make some friends ^_^! I think this is the best choice sorry ladies, you will just have to wait, because I am stapling my wang to my leg for now. And now I will take my rest and prepare for my first day of not caring. But I will still care at work, I can't be to carefree I will lose my job.

Golden Week

Right now in Japan there is a week that has a bunch of holidays in it, which is called Golden week. Right now I am celebrating my Golden week, but my Golden week is more like a Golden day, I only have like 2 days off. Meanwhile, the other teachers have like 6 and 7 days off. Well shortness aside I am making the most of it on Friday a couple of ladies took me to a bar called Izakaya (イザカヤ), which is like a traditional Japanese bar, and it was very cool. Of course when asked what I would like to drink I went for the nomihodai! I mean why limit yourself to one drink, when you can have a buffet of drinks! So as you can guess I got pretty wasted and somehow I ended up at a different table!?! I started the night off sitting amongst a group of ladies, (of various degrees of attractiveness) and somehow ended up sitting with a soccer team. At the table with the soccer team I think shirts were banned because no one was wearing a shirt, and my shirt was quickly ripped off as well, nothing like shirtless drinking. Trust me it wasn't as gay as it sounds, and I am sure it sounds pretty gay. Actually speaking of homosexuality one of the girls I was with asked me if I was gay, because I was wearing a pink shirt. This was a WTF moment, because I was wearing a pink shirt I must be gay??? I see Japanese guys wearing like the most feminine clothing ever some even have like man purses and blouses. But if I wear a regular ass shirt that happens to be pink I must be gay. Ok back to Friday night the girls were kind of meh in the looks department. What I am about to say is going to sound pretty chauvinistic; but at one point while I was drinking I looked around at the ladies I was sitting with, and thought to myself, these girls are okay but I can do better, I mean come on I am not only A black guy in Yamagata; I am THE black guy (as in the only one). But all that aside I had a pretty good time at Izakaya.

The next day I went to a Japanese BBQ with a different group of ladies. The second group of women were all nurses, and were all a bit older than me, I think they were all 24. Also they spoke way less English than the first group, but of course that really didn't matter it's not like the first group had the best English. This was my first Japanese BBQ and hopefully it won't be my last it was freaking fun! One of hosts of the BBQ gave me a beer, in this tiny mug. I just kind of stared at it then drank the beer in like 2 gulps, and he was like sorry you need the big mug. So then he went inside and got the BIG mug and I was like now were drinking the right way. I don't know half of the stuff I was eating but it was all delicious. But then the more I drank the stranger things became. For one thing the girl I was with had a nice body but her face was kind of average maybe even a bit lame (haha I just said someone has a lame face). And like the more I drank the worse she started to look!?! Normally there is a thing called beer goggles where the more you drink the better someone looks, but I guess Japanese beer has an opposite effect. And another thing (I am not sure if it was because I was drunk), it seemed like every woman there was coming on to me and like there husbands and boyfriends were like right next to them, and some of their husbands were even encouraging what was going on, so that made things a bit awkward. One of the wives decided to make what was already awkward for me even more awkward by asking me "which girl here do you like the most to be your girlfriend?" . At this point I felt like a Penguin eating jello with chopsticks, I had hit Awkward city next stop Clown Towne. So I just kind of sat there with a blank expression on my face, when all of a sudden I was saved by a naked child by the name of Mahiro. I guess young Mahiro sensed I was in danger, so he rushed to my rescue. But like most things in Japan it was a bizzare rescue to say the least, he ran across the table to where I was sitting and preceded to shake his penis in front of my face. As I sat there being assaulted by baby penis and awkward questions I had an epiphany. Maybe it was the beer and maybe it was the tiny baby penis flapping about, but I realized that penis length needs to be measured in minutes instead of inches, so next time someone asks me how big my penis is I will say it is 15 minutes long. But I think I enjoyed the BBQ more than the night at the bar, I want to go to more Japanese BBQs ^_^!!! I suppose I will just start walking up to random BBQs and start eating. Well I will end this here and try to find something to do today. It seems no matter what country you live in Sundays are always lame ass days :(