Hospital days

Happier days! *Le sigh*

So I don't even really know where I left off last time. I know I was talking about my rash. So I will just skip right to the needles. I hate needles, especially when they are being forced under my skin. It might have been bad if the nurses didn't have to redo the needle insertion multiple times. There was one nurse in particular who had super hairy legs and a really annoying voice, she could NEVER get shit done right the first time EVER! She would stick an IV needle into my right arm like 6 times then be like ohh sorry I kept missing the vein, let me try the other arm then she would go to my left arm and fuck up like 8 more times until my arm was covered with band-aids to cover her fuck ups. I don't even have to say this, but I hated that nurse her voice was annoying her utter incompetence was annoying everything about her existence as a nurse got to me. It wasn't like my veins were playing hide & seek I can look at my arms and see a lot of my veins. 

But there was one nurse who made my time there okay. Named Yoko I thought she was quite attractive and we flirted quite a bit, everyday actually. Shit she even spanked me one night because I was walking around by myself. She told me "I was a bad boy", then took me to my room and spanked me. And she would wake me up by patting me on my ass each morning for breakfast. I thought she looked like something I didn't know what, then it hit me when my mom said she looks like a doll, she looks exactly like a doll. I was going to stay in the hospital an extra night just to give her my number so we could go out sometime. But I got such terrible news those last days that I just gave up all hope. I wish I did give Yoko my number though. I will regret this for a long time. But as my friend Chet said what if there was no "re" just "gret"?

But that wasn't the only action I got in the hospital! One day one of my doctor's came in put his hands under my shirt and started rubbing my nipples. He gave me a look that pretty much dared me to tell someone about what was happening. I was thinking maybe this was a medical test but he just rubbed on my nipples and left, didn't even say anything. At this point I started to seriously question the hospital.

And I lost all faith in the hospital when they lost my test results, and then confused my medical file with someone else! I don't know how they confuse my name which is foreign and written in Katakana with a Japanese person who's name is written in Kanji!?! 

First let's talk about the tests results they lost. The hospital did a check to see if I had Meningitis. It was supposed to be a one time test. It wasn't. . .

I am sure most of you don't know how doctor's test for Meningitis, so I will tell you. Doctor's do a Lumbar Puncture, which involves sticking a HUGE needle into your spine to withdraw spinal fluid. Is it painful? You bet your fucking ass it's painful.

So the doctor gave me "anesthesia" before the puncture. Just receiving the "anesthesia" was painful. And I say anesthesia in quotations because that shit didn't do anything. It made my back cold but I felt every bit of that needle going into my spine. And a lumbar puncture apparently isn't a one time puncture he kept pulling that needle out and jamming it back into my spine. It was so painful that Yoko had to hold me down and even offered to hold my hand during the procedure it was sweet of her, but I had to decline because I had to use my hands to hold my stomach. I felt like the needle was going to go through my spine and come out of my stomach. So after it was finally over the doctor said don't worry this test is only done one time. And I laid on my back relieved that the worst was over.

3 days passed and guess what they lost the result of my lumbar puncture! I had to do it again!! And Yoko wasn't there this time I had the nurse I despised holding me down, so it sucked even worse this time. After going through more agonizing pain I thought surely this time it was done. I mean after the 2nd Lumbar puncture my entire back was in excruciating pain, I just tried to lay as flat ass possible. I could feel the bandage on my back getting moist, when they took it off they discovered quite a bit of my spinal fluid had leaked out and was absorbed by the bandage and the bed, that explained why I was in soo much pain.

Eventually my back stopped hurting, and I was relieved that it was all done. About 5 days passed and the doctor came back, and guess what, they lost my test results AGAIN! At this point I really didn't even care if I had Meningitis. I told the doctor if I have Meningitis then I just have it I don't care anymore. But he told me how serious it is and so reluctantly I agreed for a 3rd Lumbar puncture. And again Yoko wasn't there, but the nurse that was there was really nice. She had given me a surprise enema one night. And there isn't too much more surprising than a completely unexpected enema. I liked the fact that she tried to be sneaky with the things she did. Like she would try to put an IV in my arm while I was asleep so I wouldn't feel it, and that was thoughtful. But you really can't just stick a needle into a sleeping person and expect them not to wake up, right!?! Technically no, but she got me one time. And it ended up sucking worse than maybe even the Lumbar puncture.

I like to go to the rest room when I wake up. I woke up and decided to run to the restroom before the nurse came around to put the IV in my arm. But the IV was already in my arm so when I hopped out of bed to go to the restroom the IV needle in my arm got twisted and bent up. My arm immediately started hurting but at the same time it was halfway numb. I started trying to pull the IV out myself but my other arm was kind of useless since my clavicle was broken and I had slept on my hand. So I just started yelling as loud as I could. My blood was shooting up the IV and starting to fill the IV bag. Eventually the ninja nurse (her actual name was Saya) came and pulled the IV out of my arm. She apologized for not waking me up when she put it in, and then started to wipe my other arm down to insert an IV into that arm. I was fed up I jumped out of the bed and started walking to the exit of the hospital I wanted to leave right then and there. They had to call both doctors and Yoko to calm me down and convince me to go back to my bed. I didn't listen to the doctors because they had proved their incompetence, but Yoko promised me she would make sure I got my favorite lunch everyday. The lunch wasn't quite enough I just kind of stood there I didn't move towards either the exit or the bed but just stood there thinking. Then Yoko said something really silly engrish that made me laugh and I went back to my bed. Later on Saya came to give me a new IV, I told her NO! Then the doctor came and tried to convince me that the medicine would help me, and I was thinking help me with what? Get another rash!?! WTF are you talking about? I told the doctor not today. He still tried to talk me into it. I told him if they stuck that IV in my arm I would leave that hospital late at night when there wouldn't be people around to stop me. And they knew I stay up really late because my rash wouldn't allow me to sleep. So for one whole day I had no IV!

Alas this story is long, and I am tired and in a bit of pain so yet again it will be continued.