Akira and I.
So I was hoping to get out of the hospital on my birthday. It would have been a sweet birthday gift. But at the same time I wasn't really ready to get out. My mom assumed it was because I would be afraid of the real world or something. But the real reason is because I wanted one more chance to give my number to Yoko, and I wasn't sure when she would be my nurse again. But then right after we ate birthday cakes which Asumi brought, the doctor crushed the entire birthday evening, not that there was much to be crushed. But in the midst of our birthday celebration the doctor called Asumi away to tell her something important. That important news was that I will suffer from seizures for the next 2 years and that I could never be alone during that time. Which is impossible there is no way for me to be around someone 24/7. Plus I didn't believe I would have a seizure again. I mean would you listen to these doctors based on how unorganized and incompetent they have been?
I didn't get out on my birthday but I got out the next day and it felt pretty good to be out. I was definitely enjoying the Japanese summer weather. Shortly after that I came to America to get a lot of things cleared up regarding my health. I really wanted to stay in Japan, but it was necessary for me to come back to get some follow up medical checks done. My job is skeptical about keeping me on the payroll if I have seizures for the next 2 years. So I have to prove to them that I either won't have seizures or that I have medicine for my seizures.
Being back has been interesting. I always seem to discover something new about the people around me every time I come back here. This time I have found that a lot of my friends are really depressed or angry all the time. The contrast between my friends here and my friends in Japan is pretty startling. It could be because I have known my friends in America for soo many years that they let me into their lives a bit more. Or it could be that ex-patriots live a happy carefree life.
I have talked to a few friends from home quite often while I was in Japan, and I was well aware that those friends were kind of down in the dumps. But I was far removed from their problems, I would give advice when I could but I would generally talk to them when I was bored at work because most other times I was to busy enjoying myself.
I must also say that being around overly drunk people and not being drunk myself is quite interesting. I can look in awe at just how smashed people can become. And sometimes I can see a glimpse of my own past in some of these bumbling drunks. One of my favorite drunks so far has been Philip . I saw him I believe this Saturday or Friday perhaps, and he was so drunk he couldnt walk or talk. I found his hopeless situation to be intriguing to say the least. I wonder how he could get soo drunk, and what he must be going through. I wondered if the room was spinning for him, and if he had a headache. I remember a few times when my world was spinning from being overly drunk, those were the worst times, you feel so sick and you just want to die, but you fight through it, just to wake up and say "Never again the next morning", but then you do it all over again a few days later.
At times I feel like I have infiltrated a secret society. I feel this way for multiple reasons, but the main reason is because I am persecuted by own on "society". Because I go out and hang around drunken people I am automatically guilty or suspicious based on association. If it's one thing I hate it's being persecuted, by non-believers. These persecutions come from overly suspicious people who don't believe I am capable of doing something I say I will. Like when I came back one night and my mom came in to smell me!?! I mean that is kind of dehumanizing and definitely some paranoia. I mean A) I am 23, I am quite capable of making my own decisions, I am not a 14 year old I don't need that kind of human interaction. B) If I say I am going to do something I will, I just don't say and do things overly stiff and serious (like some people would prefer). I am not in the army, so I will not give stiff direct answers. I like to flirt about and give easy going softer responses.
I am just a bit to easy going and unconcerned with things. That might be my greatest strength and weakness. It is definitely my greatest strength when I am living by myself in another country but definitely a weakness when I am back in America. People in America (especially during these times) tend to let a lot of small problems consume them alive, until they are just hollow shells of anger and disappointment. The majority of people in Japan seem to not care, and those who are completed consumed by problems usually take their own lives. I am not condoning suicide here. If more people with problems, started turning to suicide then it would raise the problems and level of sadness of other people, possibly causing a chain reaction of suicides (if any of that makes sense). Ok just generally speaking 90% of the time when you see someone walking around in Japan they look either really unconcerned with anything, they are just going about their business. Here in America a lot of people look pissed off, either because they want to appear tough to outsiders, or because they generally are pissed. I am sure people in Japan are quite pissed off too at times, but they have mastered the facade of happiness. And when everyone around you looks happy and non-aggressive you can live a more care free life. I don't think there has ever been a time when I was walking around in Japan and been overly cautious wondering if some pissed off guy walking toward me might rob me or attack me because he feels trapped in his life.
This has been a really random post, sorry.
I will leave you with this thought. If you are angry when you start drinking for the night, you might have the illusion of happiness for a short time, but when you wake up the anger will still be there. So drink for the happy moments, and drink twice as much. Because your drinking for me too ^_^!
1 comment:
Just so you know, I'm still here reading these.
Post a Comment