Third time isn't the charm.

Some of the (many) spots of blood. . .

I thought this was a bad dream but the blood reminds me it isn't

There are more but you get the idea.

This was a quiet weekend in my apartment. I was going to go out on a date with a Japanese cougar but then I decided ehh I want some me time. So instead I watched some movies and ate some foods I like. Saturday rolled around and I thought he I can call Rhana my Brazilian friend, maybe I can invite her over and we can watch some movies together! But then at the last minute I was like wait this place is a mess, and I don't feel like cleaning it up. So again I watched some movies by myself. Sunday rolled around, and I was biding my time before I had to go and teach one of my Brazilian students. As I am sitting in my apartment watching Family Guy, one of my Brazilian friends burst into my apartment covered in blood and wielding a knife. He ran up to me and slapped the Melon Pan I was eating out of my hand!

I have never mentioned Melon Pan before but I am addicted to it. When I leave Japan that will be the one thing I miss the most! So with that said when I am eating Melon Pan I am not expecting some bloody guy to run up and frantically slap it out of my hand, but that is precisely what happened. So after I got over the initial shock of having my tasty treat rendered useless, then I slipped into the shock of seeing my friend covered in blood and holding a knife. My first thoughts were hmm he might have just killed someone, and he might try to kill me too. So how did I react then?

The first thing I said was "Hey man why did you knock my Melon Pan on the floor and get blood all over it? I was eating that and now it's gone. That Melon Pan was innocent, it didn't do anything wrong." Keep in mind here that I don't often get to enjoy Melon Pan since I try and eat healthy and maintain my weight. So not only was this one of those rare times but I had splurged on the jumbo Melon Pan and that wasn't cheap.

He looked back at me and said "F&*k that Melon Pan something serious is happening here man. He said we have to go now!" I probably shouldn't have went with a man covered with blood holding a knife, but what he said next made all the common sense I had suddenly disappear. "I have just been stabbed (that explains the blood). And the people who stabbed me followed me here!"

WTFFF why the hell did he lead potential murders to my apartment! Not wanting to just sit in my apartment while some crazed maniacs closed in on us I fled with him. The way I saw it I could either say "No" and sit there by myself and possibly be attacked alone or go with him and be attacked with someone else. Considering the fact that if I got attacked with someone else that would give the assailants a distraction and me a chance to escape. Because the way I see it a criminal will commit violent acts against who ever they can apprehend. So as long as I can out run them (which I am sure I could) then they would stop chasing me and attack him. However if it's just me and no one else to pursue they would be a lot more relentless in pursuit of me.

So I spent the next hours riding around in a car with my friend as he explained frantically what happened. Then came the point where I realized I had made the wrong decision. I asked him where we were headed? He told me Bombar which is a Brazilian bar/club. So I was like wait a minute we are running from a group of Brazilian gangster and we are going to a Brazilian bar? That doesn't seem smart. So naturally I asked if they were there. And he said yes they probably were! Whoa I thought we were supposed to be fleeing these guys not rushing to engage them. And that is when he was like together we can get them back there is another knife in the back seat we can take them together.

WHOAAAAAAAAAA! I never agreed to get into a knife fight. So know I was thinking of opening the car door and just jumping out and hoping I didn't break too many bones. Breaking a few bones is a lot better than being stabbed, I don't want my squishy organs to be punctured with some random dirty knife, that's how swine flu is spread people! So know I was thinking well Kenny ole boy this is going to be it, the last hooray. You are going to be stabbed trying to flee from Bombar. So I sent my sister a message on facebook expressing my intentions to leave everything to her in the event of my death. Since I don't have a will but I definitely seem to need one.

We got to Bombar and there were 2 Brazilians standing outside holding batons. We pulled up near them and I got ready to bolt as soon as the car stopped. I fumbled with the lock though and didn't quite make it out so gracefully as I had imagined it. But it was okay because they were there to help them. I still ran anyway, to a Brazilian owned Barber shop where some other Brazilians I know work. I stayed there for awhile. Then I realized that my phone was in the car. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So I killed time until I thought okay surely whoever is going to be killed has been killed by now so I made my way back to Bombar and my friend and his car was gone, along with my phone. I had someone call him and tell him to come back to Bombar. He came back and I got my phone and then ran back to my place, I didn't want anything else to do with that whole situation.

My step-sister boiled it down quite nicely only I could have soo many insane things happen to me in a small town where chickens seem to outnumber people! When I move into the heart of Tokyo she asked me what would happen to me then? And with how bizarre things have been in my current city I wouldn't think it to be too far fetched for me to be assaulted by mutants, or mauled by a bear in an elevator, maybe I will be abducted by aliens. Seems the new prime minister and his wife have been abducted and taken to Venus so what's to say I won't be abducted as well!

ほとんど。。。

Well today I almost got hit by a car! If that car had hit me it would have totally trashed my bike, and probably sent me flying. And this time it wasn't my fault at all. The lady driving the car decided she wanted to see what I looked like since she was driving behind me and couldn't really see my face. Now this is nothing new cars tend to drift towards me in a vain attempt to see what I look like since I'm a foreigner in a small town where the people don't see foreigners that often. But this lady went above and beyond she speed up really quickly passing me by about an inch. Her car was so close to me that my handle bars scratched her car. Once she heard the scratch she immediately try to pull over to see the scratch. Only problem with that maneuver was that I was still on the side of her car, she still tried the maneuver anyway luckily I have had cars drift towards me often enough that I can react very quickly and that is what I did I turned with her whilst accelerating rapidly. End result that lady's reckless curiousness caused her car to get messed up and I was unscathed!

So I am still torn here, about what I should do. I am trying to decide if I should just move to Tokyo, and hope for the best which seems to be the best route of getting a job in Tokyo. Since my friend Rory quit his job in Isesaki and then simply moved to Tokyo where he found a job in like 3 days! I have an offer for a position in Tokyo but it is only part time, but that would give me some income while I looked for something full time. On the one hand I am practically in Tokyo every weekend and traveling back and forth between Isesaki and Tokyo is tiring. But I have some really cool friends here in Isesaki and I would hate to leave them behind, but lately I don't even see them that much anymore because I am always in Tokyo. But also there is the fact that I don't think I will be here past March of next year, so I am also thinking why bother? I guess long story short I will be attempting to move to Tokyo.

Where the money at?

Today is the last day of a month from hell. Bad thing is the hellish days are spilling over into next month, but on the 10th of September things should be back to normal for me (for the most part). I went out to celebrate the fact that I would get some money back from the hospital. I was planning on going after school but those plans dissolved quicker than Alka Sletzer in a glass of Coke. I find that working as an ALT makes it pretty much impossible to get anything useful done in my own life. By the time I get off work half of the places I need to go to are closed. The City Hall closes at like 5pm I get off work at like 4:25pm if I am lucky, or run fast so nobody ask me to do some dumb shit at the last possible second. And I am not sure about like paying bills and stuff but that stuff probably closes early too. So I somehow managed to get to the City Hall before it closed on Thursday, I was expecting to walk out of there with about 50,000円. When my number was called the guy at window 3 told gave me some forms and told me I had to go to the hospital to get their はんこ (stamp) of approval. Great! Problem is I had no idea how to get to the hospital. No worries iPhone to the rescue! I used google maps to plot a course from the City Hall to the zip code on the letter from the hospital. When I arrived at my destination it was just some shady ass alley I didn't see anything anywhere in the vicinity that even looked like a hospital, frustrated I gave up and returned home. The next day while running at the gym I decided to text Christal and she if she knew were it was. She did! Score!

Armed with a new address I set out on my search again. This time I actually found the hospital and I proudly walked in to where I would be receiving the money. The desk was closed! Just my luck right? So I had to try again the next day. The next day I figured I would try a different route to the hospital that should have been a shortcut. It ended up being a long cut as I got lost for like 30 minutes, I was just about to give up, when I found something that looked familiar and success I made it there. This time the desk was open, I gave the lady my form she gave me a shady look. Asked the guy next to her some questions then told me to sit down, then she went in the back and started looking through a bunch of forms, I was starting to think she was going to give me a hard time. I was about to say "look lady this money isn't coming out of your pocket now fork that shit over!" It was almost as if she knew that all this time I never paid my share of Japanese pension or healthcare, I dodge that shit like the Matrix. At first I didn't pay into the pension or health care because I am a freaking foreigner, and I am not spending my hard earned money to support old Japanese people who fall down and go to the hospital or something like that. Plus I never thought I would use a Japanese hospital. But then after I went to the Japanese hospital I got completely fucked over, so they should be paying me!

She called me back up 15 minutes later and put he stamp on my forms and I held out my hand for the cash and started thinking of what I was going to buy to eat after leaving. She put some papers in my hand and I am not talking about money, she just gave me more forms to take to the City Hall! WTF. By this time the City Hall was closed, so I had to wait until the following day.

The following day came and it was raining outside but I didn't care I needed money. I rode my bike through the rain got completely soaked walked into the City Hall and it was closed so that it could be vacuumed! What!?! Couldn't they still be open or vacuum at night! I mean it's not like I can come there whenever I want to I got to work all damn day! In fact I think the City Hall made my contract just so I couldn't ever come there and talk with the people there, it's a conspiracy I tell you! They are trying to prevent me from doing anything in my own personal life. So I came back the next day and luckily no one was there so I didn't have to wait. I walked right up to a window with my forms, the guy took one look at me then walked me over to the ticket machine and made me take a number, then he told me to sit down and wait for my number to be called. There was NO ONE THERE but regardless I sat patiently for about 10 minutes and watched the guy sit at his desk staring at me from behind the window with his hand over the button that changed the sign to the next number. I kept looking at him and then the number sign wonder WTF he was thinking. Finally he pushed the button and my number was called I took all my papers up to him and then he said I would get the money on September 18th. Noooooooooooooooooo! It won't even matter then as I get paid on the 10th.

I was happy that I had at least gotten something done and it only took like a week! Except I wasn't done. Today at school the City Hall called me and told me they needed my はんこ. I wondered why they didn't tell me that when I turned my papers in because I could have easily stamped those papers. The lady asked on the phone asked me when I would come in, and I told her I had to work because the City Hall made my hours inconveniently long. She told me "がんばって" (good luck) and then hung up the phone. Wanting this all to be over with as soon as I hung up the phone I bolted for the City Hall I didn't have another week to spend fooling around with this I wanted this done NOW! So that is what I have been spending most of last week doing. And I have nothing to show for it. At least not now. . .

Oh well just another day in the life of a Kenny.

久しぶりね！

Vera tried so hard to sleep. . .

But we wouldn't allow it!

Fireworks over Ohtawara!

A portable shrine being carried by some very drunk people.

Hello all! Hello me!

It has been awhile since I have been able to put my thoughts down in writing. And man has a lot of stuff happened. I am obviously back in Japan now, but without further ado let's begin shall we.

My trip back started off hilariously bad. I got to spend a bit of time with my little sister and mom joking around a bit in the airport which was fun. Those are two of my favorite ladies in the world. If I had to chose between saving one or the other I think I would opt to sacrifice myself instead and save them both. But anyway the trip started off pretty good I had stayed up the whole night before so that I could sleep the whole way back. Sleeping really helps pass the time on a 17+ hour flight to Japan. I was dead tired by the time I got into Atlanta, and I was ready to sleep on the way to Japan. Only problem is I didn't make it onto the plane bound for Japan. Instead I arrived to a gate with a locked boarding door so I sat there waiting for someone to come and scan my ticket so I could attempt to board the plane before it actually left. So I waited at the gate for around 10 minutes watching baggage handlers load the plane up. Then I watched as the plane backed away from the gate and then took off. I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back to get my stuff the gate attendant was there. I asked the lady when the next flight would be and she said not till tomorrow, and then she proceeded to scold ME for not showing up sooner. Apparently according to her she was at the gate the whole time waiting for anyone who might show up late. A lady who was sitting nearby and saw me waiting burst into laughter at this lady's blatant lie.

I explained to the gate attendant that I had been waiting and she said that I was lying because she never saw me. Then I showed her a picture I took of the gate and the plane to prove to her that she was the liar. She shut the hell up then and was like ohh umm next in line please. If I hadn't of been so tired I could have pursued that situation further but, I was too tired to argue with her and her shoddy lies. I called my friend Sharif up and ask if I could crash at his place he said yea that would be fine so I headed his way. So I took the MARTA to his place and then walked like another half mile to get there. By the time I got there I was soo tired I wasn't even tired anymore! I played some Gears of War and Guitar Hero then enamored some of his friends with stories of Japan. They of course made a big deal out of it as most people in America tend too for some reason. It's not that big of a deal living in a foreign country people!! I mean tons of foreigners come to America and live there and no one is impressed by them in fact most people probably hate them in America. If you live in America and are always complaining that your college professor has too thick of a Chinese accent for you to understand, then go to China and become a professor and see if you can do it before you talk crap. Or go to Pakistan or Jamaica and drive a taxi.

So I got in to Isesaki, where I live, at around midnight upon arriving I walked the wrong way for awhile because apparently I forgot everything abut the city I had been living in for most of the summer. I had to walk through the red light area to get to my apartment. And the whole time I am walking guys are trying to get me to go into their hostess bars. And you know how much I loveee hostess bars! But not only did I have no interest in their bars but I was walking around with a huge suitcase! Who honestly wants to go to a hostess bar with a huge suitcase with them? I can tell you who doesn't me! When I got in I ate something and messed around on my laptop for a bit, until the battery died. No problem though I can always just plug it up right? WRONG! I left my charger in Atlanta. Back in Japan for only a few hours and already things are going bad. A few days after getting back I went to Ohtawara for a festival which was a blast in fact that whole weekend was a ton of fun I never laughed so hard in my life. At Christal's house I laughed so hard that I almost crapped my pants and I have never laughed that hard in my life. Let me say I love other gaijin here in Japan <333!>

Needless to say Monday sucked hard I sat at my desk struggling to fight sleep while trying to look like I was working. I didn't make it though and ended up falling asleep at my desk. When I woke up I thought no one seemed to care, but I forgot this was Japan I am in so people don't tell you things directly they go in the most roundabout way. So on Tuesday my boss came to have a meeting with me he told me that the Vice principal saw me sleeping at my desk and that the principal thought I had changed. Sure I should have went to sleep earlier, but the medicine I am taking was going to make me sleepy that day anyway so either way I went I was going to be very sleepy. Then my boss went on to ask me, if I thought I was the "same" as the other ALTs and teachers?

I thought that was an odd question why would I be different from anyone else? So naturally I replied that of course I am the same why wouldn't I be!?! He informed me that after my accident I was no longer the same, and in a nice japanese fashion he pretty much told me that I am "handicapped", and that people will view me different because of my accident. And this is the best part when I came back I had to apologize to the school which wasn't that bad, but I also had to bring them gifts, I am the one sitting in the hospital all this time and yet I am giving them gifts, I actually don't mind doing it for the teachers but then I also had to do it for the Board of Education WTF!! I don't even really know anyone on the Board of Education and nor do I care to know them, since they screwed up my summer vacation and made me go to work 2 weeks early! I was expecting to come back to Japan and have some time to get used to Japanese culture again, it's still a little bit of culture shock at first. But instead I was forced to work, or rather should I say sit at my desk with nothing to do.

So back to the Vice principal. So not only did he complain about me sleeping for a little bit on Monday but also he complained that I was just sitting at my desk and I wasn't talking to him. Umm I was told before if I am not interacting with students I should be at my desk in case I am needed, that way it would be easier to find me. There were NO students that whole first week so I guess I was supposed to like either stand at my desk for 7+ hours or maybe remove my legs and let them roam the campus while my torso floated near my desk. And as far as never talking to him I never talked to him before. The Vice principal went on to say that I had changed since the accident, and that he didn't think I could do the job anymore. He was sort of right though I can't teach students if there are no students to teach. So the rest of that week was a nightmare! I don't even know how I made it through that with out actually becoming mentally handicapped. Thank goodness for iPhones!

So I believe it was Thursday, and like every previous day it was me and the Vice principal sitting in a hot ass faculty room doing nothing. I glanced over and low and behold that asshole was sitting at his desk SLEEPING! I sat there and watched him sleep for a good hour or so and just when I thought of sleeping myself he woke up and came to my desk to see if I was "working". I asked him if he was sleepy and at that point he realized I saw what he was doing and gave me a handful of せんべい which are basically Japanese crackers. Not only was that some sort of a bribe to keep my mouth shut about his hypocrisy but it was a down right shitty bribe. What kind of a bribe is a handful of crackers? I can't be like hey officer I know you found out I am selling a lot of unregistered guns, but here is a handful of crackers why don't you look the other way on this one eh? I guess people really must think I am handicapped because that is the only way that would have possibly come close to a decent bribe. So I continued to sit there and pretend to work on stuff for my students, which I couldn't actually do because I had been gone for 2 months and had no idea where they were in the textbooks. But apparently my new handicap allows me to mind read and know where the students are at.

So I am at the end of my second week of being back at work and the other teachers are there now and all they do is gossip about me and talk shit. If you are going to talk shit about someone ensure they don't know what language you are speaking that usually helps. But I sit there anyway and act like I don't know what is being said, because ignorance is bliss. Ohh and after the Vice principals hypocrisy I started leaving work early, nothing too big just like 10 or 15 minutes early although I could leave like 3 or 4 hours early since my day consists of me sitting there waiting for lunch, and after that is done everything else just crumbles away. But I am conservative about it, although I can easily just play the handicap card which I apparently have and run out of the building whenever I feel like leaving because I don't know any better.

So I have another meeting on friday which I am dreading like Yellow fever. I am expecting nothing good to be said to me at all which is absurd. I have talked to a few of the students and asked them about the other teacher that was my substitute and pretty much none of them did! The girls didn't like him because he wasn't good looking, and the boys didn't like him because he wasn't athletic at all. I run with the boys soccer and baseball teams and pretty much out run the hell out of them every time. I had suspected maybe the Vice principal liked the substitute more than me since he apparently knew more Japanese than me based on the kanji he was using in his notes on my desk. And if that was the case I could see why the Vice principal would complain and try to get rid of me. But what I also saw was that the substitute NEVER stayed after school to join the students in there after school clubs once. He left exactly on time everyday he was there. I am on probation right now, the students love me but the other teachers despise me. I would say I am not making an effort to win the teachers over but I am. But the truth of the matter is it shouldn't matter about the other teachers, I am not there to be there friend. I am there to be a fun foreigner for the students who will probably never get a chance to interact with someone from another country like this ever in there life. And as far as I am concerned I am doing a great job all the students were super excited to see me I gave out soo many high fives that it felt like I had been lifting weights all day.

So to win the other faculty members over I brought them ice cream today. It's fuckin hot in the faculty room; apparently know one will ever turn on the A/C that is in the room. So I waited to see if they would notice but nothing they still talked trash about me and how I was a horrible teacher, I mean I may not be teaching a class but the students are glad to have me there, and that is what should matter. But I fear that my time at this school is limited sadly, which will suck for the students more than me since I will just go to Osaka, which is where I want to live anyway. But the students probably won't get an ALT who is actively involved in there hobbies like I was. We will see what happens on Friday. . .

About to leave (again)

At the lake.

Riding a Jet-ski that doesn't work.

Unseen sights.

Grabbin' the nuts!

Let the feast begin!

Happy Birthday Caffe!

My photo is rarely taken by anyone so I have to do it myself (tear).

It's August 2nd which means I only have like 3 more days in America before I head back to Japan. It seems that every time I am about to leave either Japan or America I get really excited and bummed at the same time. There are certain things from both countries I want to take with me. I am going to miss the variety of food that is easily (and cheaply) available in America. Before I head back I got to make sure to eat as much Greek, Mexican (not so much now), and Southern food as I can. I will also miss American women to a certain extent. But most of all I will miss English! I will miss being able to talk with anyone at any time. I can speak some Japanese, but I can talk as easily about anything in Japanese as I can in English. Which may be for the better. I have a tendency to say some really random and bizarre things which seems to make some southerners I have met uncomfortable, but that humor may be suited for Japan.

The things I miss when I leave Japan to come to America are the peacefulness of Japan, Japanese food, and Ex pats! Before I talk about these things let me just say that it is ALWAYS harder to leave Japan than it is to leave America. My home country is America, but Japan has grown on me, and I am not entirely sure why. Or am I!?! A girl I met this time around in America (who also lived overseas) helped me to think rationally about my experience living overseas.

Her words: It's just easier living overseas it's like living in a dream almost. When ever you have problems in one place you can always just run away to the other place.

I think sometimes I do just that, I run away from things that bother and annoy me. I haven't just been doing it since I live in Japan, I consciously did it when I went to school in Atlanta quite a bit. On a side note I think I will thank her for those insightful words.

And now the things I miss about Japan when I have to leave. Peacefulness is of course number 1! There is NO place in America that feels as safe and peaceful as the majority of Japan (some of Tokyo is pretty sketchy though). Although there isn't as much readily available variety in the food of Japan as there is in America, the food that is there is really fresh and really good, so it kicks the pants off of American cuisine, a lot of the time. And the last thing I miss is the Ex Pats. Something about living in another country with some pretty high language barriers, just seems to push people together REALLY quickly. In america I will meet someone like 40 times and never remember there name or where we met. But in Japan I will meet someone twice, and I will remember there name, what prefecture they live in and a bunch of other random info. I have known people in Japan for no more than a year at the max, and I feel like I have known some people there my whole life, it's weird.

AIM Chats

man kenny I just found all these rediculous chats we've had about sleezy

Kenny

I remember when I was 18 just going to college

Kenny

I was like sleezy tell me what to do what should I expect

Kenny

now I realize years late that nigga didnt even know what he was talking about

Kenny

27, no car, no job, living with momma

time2rock15

not a good combination at all

Kenny

I am 22, with a bike, no job, and livin with momma

Note Kenny isn't my AIM s/n. Vorgovnax is.

Sleepy

My shadow among red lights

Billy Hardwick's Bowling alley

The Memphis bridge

My old bike hanging on my friends wall.

I am sleepy right now. I am noticing like something that I thought I could explain. Like there is this comedian named Raaaaaaaandy, and I watched one of his videos like last week, and I hated it, so I promptly turned it off. But then like most days this week all my friends are doing is showing me Randy clips. Just my luck! Luckily I have the ability to be apathetic for extremely long periods of time when the need arises. Actually even when the need doesn't arise. I think my time in Japan has made me a lot more laid back.  I used to hate bananas and raisins and other things, but now my mindset is "whatever". Life is too short to be picky about things. Plus I couldn't really control whether I ate any food I disliked because the food in Japan is completely random. I am almost the same way with people, but certain things people do will always get on my nerves. Like people who have to talk all the time, and if there is a moment of silence they think it's "awkward". Sometimes I like to not talk and just sit around with someone, there is nothing awkward about that. I wish I could explain this a bit better but I am too lazy at the moment. 

Also someone lied to me last weekend and it was a pitiful attempt at a lie. People if you are going to lie to someone do a better job and make sure that your lie doesn't fall apart like the next day.

I would write more but instead I am going to just leave it at this; and instead of words I will give you a bunch of crappy pictures (see above).