Looking West. Thinking East.
I haven't written in a long time (I seem to say that a lot). I wonder if my blog might cripple me as much as it might liberate me? Sure I censor some things on here, but still I do say a lot! So even if you aren't getting the whole story of what's going on you are still getting a good deal and you can add in your own wild fantasy of what I might be doing behind the scenes. I leave for the airport in like 3 hours and I haven't really slept all day I have just been up doing various things, trying to make sure I don't forget something. But you never get everything something will always slip through the crack I just hope it isn't something really important.
My mind is blank one second then the next it will be drowning with thoughts of what all I have done while I have been here in America. One thing that just struck me as interesting is when someone blocks you out from one facet of their life, it can be the smallest thing. It's one thing if they have never shared that part of their life with you EVER. But it's different if they let you share that part of their life with them, and then took it away randomly. I am under the assumption that maybe in my case this person just wants me to just forget about them. I am not sure who all reads this, but my blog will always be open to anyone! But about 3 different people can read this and think I am talking about them. But I am only talking about one of the three. I hope all three read this, and they all think it is them I am referring to. I won't dwell on this any longer.
So I have made this year better than previous years by being aggressive and also by having very little tact. I have to work on that last part, I could always use more tact. I mean people have bended to my will like never before, but I can't say I am all powerful controller of minds. The truth is I never really exerted my will I never tried at all! I would always just be in my own world and let things happen around me without me trying to change outside forces in the slightest. I would just go with the flow, so to speak. Now I am not aggressive to the point were I am an asshole but just aggressive enough to persuade you to do something. And if you said "NO" I would drop it for that day at least, and then possibly bring it up a week later.
So now I am wondering how will my new attitude play out in a foreign country? I can't rely on words in Japan. I have to rely on gestures, and looks (not my physical looks, I am not that vain). I will have to rely on my eyes to determine in which way to proceed, but the eyes are easily tricked. I am guessing I am going to have some interesting times to say the least.
I am so anxious to get back to Japan it's not even funny. I had good times here in America meet some really cool people, but at the end of the day I am just not myself here. I feel like I have to adapt to the status quo somewhat. I still stand out like a sore thumb but I make some effort here, but in Japan I do what I want, when I want. No one criticizes me for how I look or what I like to do, they just step the fuck out of my way and let me be me. I find a lot of people I know in America can be real downers. I have never picked up on all the sarcasm that is going around, some of which is directed solely at me.
Of course I need some examples of such sarcasm directed at me. I give my friend one of my old hoodies which he broke a few weeks earlier. Upon giving it to him he gives it to his girlfriend who is cold. She implies she wants it. Then the sarcasm ensues: "That is supposed to be a MAN'S hoodie". The implications are quite clear I don't have to really have to explain that one out. Of course there were other occasions of similar sarcasm from various people. Right about now I am feeling like I should have went to sleep hours ago haha. It's too late to sleep now, in fact it's too late for a lot of things like going to the doctor, the dentist, and optometrist. I kind of wish I went to at least the doctors office because I could have any number of parasites, diseases, and viruses. But I feel healthy, and I don't have any visible scars or blisters or anything like that so I will give myself a clean bill of health.
The entire time I am writing this my mind is drifting towards what I will do in Japan. What adventures await me in my new city, will I meet a nice young lady? Will I go to any cool concerts? Will I discover some interesting new food? What will happen???
Guess I will have to wait and see. . .
