The life of a Kenny

Round eye.

2011-01-23T01:36:00.002-05:00

This video sums up clerks in Japan

I am very in frequent with my blog, but now that it's colder outside I guess I will be in doors more so perhaps I will be writing more. Last year was a fantastic year for me, best year in Japan hands down. I am looking to make this year even better, as I exercise both my mind and body. But one thing I want to talk about is my experience in Japanese stores...

In America if you asked a store clerk where something is they would either tell you where it is or page someone who does know where the item is. In Japan things work a little differently. You ask a store clerk if the store cares a particular item and one of two things will happen:

1. They will walk you to the area where the item is and show you where it is.
2. They will immediately say NO.

Situation 1 happens maybe 20% of the time, and the other 80% of the time I find myself in situation 2. And guess what in situation 2 about 90% of the time they DO have the item! Now if your going to lie to a customer at least make an effort to deceive them, buy immediately saying "No" sometimes before I even finish asking the question, I immediately think this man/woman isn't even trying. Just say you aren't sure and apologize.

The worst situation was when I went to やまや which I was told was a foreign food mecca but is actually just a glorified liquor shop. I wanted to buy taco shells to make for me and a girl that was coming over for dinner (ohhh yeaa!). I asked a lady at the front register do you have taco shells, in Japanese of course and to clarify I actually pulled up various pictures of taco shells on my iPhone to show her, so that there was no confusion. She didn't even really bother to look at the picture or anything. She just glanced and said "we don't sell this sorry". Skeptically I said thanks and set about to search for the item myself. I searched exhaustively because I really wanted to make some tacos. After looking for a few minutes I gave up and just bought some salsa and some Corona, next best thing I guess. I was checking out and the lady at the register bent down to get a bag to put my items into. And when she bent down lo and behold sitting on a shelf directly behind here were. . .*GASP* taco shells. I mean WTF, does she just not want me to buy taco shells? Is she trying to keep them hidden so she can buy them all when she gets off work?

Another similar situation happened with my friend he went out to a bar with his co-workers and he wanted to introduce his co-workers to his favorite beer. He asked the bartender for 3 of the beer in question. And he replied sorry we don't have anymore tonight. Later on like probably 30 minutes later same bartender comes over and says "would you like to try this new beer? It's on special tonight." Guess which beer it was.

Another situation is if you have to buy anything that requires a specific size. Like for example I need some pedal parts for my bike cranks. I went to buy the part which requires english threading of a center diameter, it only takes ONE size there aren't other sizing options it's very specific. The guy at the bike shop I went to informed me he didn't have any parts in that size but offered to sell me some parts they not only weren't english but were wayy too small. And if that wasn't bad enough when I pointed these obvious things out to him he said "you could wrap rubber bands around the spindle ends and just jam it in there." Not only is that dangerous that is irresponsible things for a bike store clerk to be saying. I mean what happens if I did that and while riding my bike my pedal comes clean off the crank? I have a racing style bike so I am going as fast if not faster than cars on the streets here! Is there just no sense of liability in this country?

And heaven forbid you want to make changes to an order... Just try to order a hamburger with no cheese at some places. The worker just freezes in place and panics, with a deer in headlights look like OMG WTF do I DOOO NO CHEESE!!! One guy even went so far as to recommend another type of burger, I don't want an alternative I just want the burger I had with no cheese it's not that hard honestly, at the point when you make the burger where cheese is required just don't pick it up.

2010-09-24T23:02:00.002-04:00

Tiger Year!

Last night was interesting, I didn't realize how interesting it really was until now...

A girl, Tsubasa, I had previously met at Club Triangle in Osaka, called she wanted to come by my house to pre-game with her little sister before they went to the club. Initially I agreed. But as the hour drew closer I was kind of dreading the whole ordeal. But I waited to the last minute to even have time to raise my protests over the idea. They were already on the way at that point.

Of course the Tsubasa forgot, where exactly I lived and went to 心斎橋駅 and ended up having to take a cab from their to my house. Some how I was able to give her directions to my house! I can barely give people directions to my house in America, yet I gave perfect directions, (in Japanese), to my house in a foreign country. Had this been America I would have just said something arbitrary like I'm near the park and that would have been it, no street names, no good discernible landmarks, just "I'm near the park".

Any way the Tsubasa and her sister made it, and we began pre-gaming. We were having a good time, but the hour to start our night approached fast. Time flies when your having fun.

Both Tsubasa and her sister already had tickets to the Slum Village show we were all planning on going to, I didn't. So that means I would have to wait in a long line to get in, so I decided I would leave separately on my bike so I could get there and wait in line while they were coming up, and hopefully by the time they got there I would have my tickets. I gave them directions from my place to the club. This time they didn't understand so well, and Tsubasa was getting annoyed. I rode my bike over to where they were, and showed them which street to take, then I headed off rapidly to the club.

When I got to the club I was surprised to find there wasn't a super long line, like I had been anticipating. I paid and went in, and waited for Tsubasa and her sister or Slum Village, which ever happened. On a side note one of the members of Slum Village was standing next to me and asked me some questions about Osaka, I wasn't sure what he said and couldn't really tell if he was really talking to me so I didn't respond, and he walked away.

Tsubasa and her sister came we got drinks and went straight to the front of the venue right near the stage. After awhile I started dancing with Tsubasa's younger sister Haruka. We locked fingers and the dance was getting pretty heated, she wasn't nearly as good of a dancer as Tsubasa though. Every once in awhile she would pull down sharply on both of my arms, I had no idea why at the time though. Meanwhile Tsubasa was laughing at what was happening, had no idea why at the time. But now I have an idea. Obviously Tsubasa brought her sister over to meet me, because she thought I was a nice catch (not like we are even dating though). But I mistook the situation as hey I want to hook you up with my sister lol. Imagine it like this you are talking to a girl off and on and she is like hey you should meet my mom, in that situation any normal person would take it as just that meeting her family. But not me, apparently I would take that as "Ohh shit she is about to hook me up with her mom".

Obvious I wasn't able to read Haruka's body language well at all at the time. And I am sure I made myself look like a creep. EXCEPT that I did start to back away from Haruka, several times in fact, and each time she would turn around see where I went then back up as well. So I think that more than anything confused me, but what ever, at this point I could care less about any of this. I know Tsubasa's view of me as "an amazing guy" is shattered, and I honestly don't care.

That first day we met was amazing though. Just casually went up to her at a club and started dancing, and man she can really dance. Wayyyy better than any other girl I have met in Japan, so I was definitely impressed. We talked after and hit it off well, an then returned to the dance floor to dance the night away. Before we parted ways in the early morning light. Each time we meet after that got progressively worse, and less magical. But that is a story for another day.

Unprofessionalism at its finest

2010-08-14T02:47:00.003-04:00

どとんぼり川の祭り

明日デリックは大阪市に来る。彼が私の新しいケイタイーがある！ここから英語書く〜

So my friend Derick is coming tomorrow, and he is bringing me an iron. That's how unprofessional I am, don't even own an iron! This reminds me of an interview I had recently. I woke up early and dressed up in my best, and had a bit of breakfast. Time was running short so I had to rush to the train station. About halfway into my trip I realized I didn't have my resume! I left it in my apartment on my counter. No sweat there was a menu from McDonalds on the floor of the train I picked it up and grabbed a pencil from my pocket and hastily wrote my resume down.

Got to the hotel where the interview was to be held, and man was it nice! Talking about a 5 star hotel in Japan. Super sleek yet elegant looking with all the stainless steel and huge windows and plants hanging around. The interviewer bought me dinner at the hotel restaurant and we started the interview. First order of business he asked me for my resume. I handed him my handwritten resume. He glared at it, and was said, "WOW! Makes me hungry!"

"Great", I thought we are off to a good start the rest of this should be smooth sailing. so we chatted and he said he would like to do everything to get me a job with his company. As the interview progressed, I got more and more relaxed. So relaxed in fact that I loosened my tie, and then later took it off completely. The interviewer was kind of taken back by this. And he was like would you be this relaxed around your co-workers? He was like I would need to maintain a level of professionalism at all times. I commented that this interview just made me feel relaxed.

The interview concluded, so I went back and went back to sleep. Didn't get that job unfortunately :(

hmm

2010-07-27T09:56:00.003-04:00

Dotombori祭り taken from my balcony!

Alot has happened, so much stuff that I don't even remember anymore. One thing I can say is that Osaka is bad ass! Definitely my favorite place in Japan, wish I had been living here the entire time, seems like the other years were a waste of time compared to my time here in Osaka. Anything I couldn't do in Gunma or Yamagata I can do easily here! Which explains why I never have time to blog these days, because I am always super busy. I will try and do a blog once a month, but it remains to be seen going forward if I can stick to that. As of right now I am counting down the days until I am finished with my current job and move back to being an ALT. Working in an 英会話 was okay at first, definitely made more money then when I was an ALT, but everyone just got a pay cut, and more work. So yea screw that shit, Japanese people might be willing to accept that kind of treatment but not me.

I know that the closer it gets to that last day the lazier I will probably become, and I am not concerned in the least bit. I have been working so hard that I am usually pretty exhausted. The company went bankrupt and then got bought out, in the process I lost all my vacation days. Which sucked because I was trying to take some vacation days, and my manager was being a total bitch about it. So in the end I ended up not getting a vacation and losing the days.

On top of that I am sure this new company is going to try and screw me over, so I will have to attempt to stay one step ahead. They fucked over two of my co-workers, so whats to say they wont do the same to me. They found some bullshit reasons to withhold money from their last paychecks. And my friend Nao got screwed over as well (almost) they over paid her then demanded she return the money they paid her on accident. To make that shit even more ridiculous she would have to pay the transfer fee to correct their mistake! WTF is that shit? I don't think she paid the money back, because that is some weak ass shit right there.

I expect some similar treatment. My only saving grace is they don't actually know which paycheck will be my last. The pay period is from the 15th to the 15th. I told them I would stay until the 21st to "help them out" but I have no plans on doing that shit, but I cant tell them that. I find its best to quit after you have gotten your last paycheck, that way your previously employer cant do shit to you. And that is my plan exactly. The 15th of August falls on a Saturday, and it just so happens that I work on that day. So I am going to wake up early check my bank account, make sure I got my paycheck, and if everything is okay, I will give my current company the flying bird! That will leave me with a two week break before I start my new gig!

Until then I will keep my head down and be 元気！

3rd base!

2010-05-05T02:27:00.003-04:00

A few weeks back I had an intimate encounter with an older Japanese man. It isn't at all what you are thinking. So without further ado let the tale begin. I was a Wednesday I believe and I was at the gym across from my job. I had a good workout, and was heading to hit the showers. Outside of the shower area I was looking for a locker to put my things in. The only one available was up pretty high I had to stand on my tip toes just to reach it. While I was reaching, some Japanese man slid in-between me and the lockers to get his things from a lower locker. When he bent down to get his things his ass collided with my thighs causing me to lose balance. I fell forward, and to break my fall I grabbed on to his sides. So here we were two men at a crossroads in our life. I am sure when he was a schoolboy he never imagined he would be straddled by a sweaty black man outside of a shower. In fact this gym was in the countryside he has probably never seen a black man in his life. So his first encounter isn't the best one. I am sure a handshake would have sufficed. Once I regained my composure he said the most common word ever in Japanese すごい, meaning among other things "wonderful". That didn't make the situation any better. Once we both entered the shower area he was talking excitedly about what had just occurred. It's not like he was talking about some other random black guy everyone knew exactly who he was talking about. As I was the ONLY black guy that was a member of this particular gym. Now the locker room is like a gay prison, as awkward as that sounds that is how it is. I guess to the Japanese it's some kind of glorified piggy back ride. Personally I would hardly think carrying a fully grown naked black man on your back as something as carefree as a piggy back ride. In fact if in your life you are ever carrying a naked man on your back regardless of where he is from or his creed, something serious has happened or is about to happen.

Hmm

2010-04-13T13:01:00.001-04:00

Haven't been able to post in awhile haven't had a computer. Hopefully soon that will all change!

2009-12-14T10:44:00.003-05:00

Wall painting at the Happy Mexican. Awesome Fajitas!

Came back to America on the 8th of December, and I am unable to do roughly half of the stuff I set about to do here. I am a person who likes to get their money's worth. And so far I can't justify the cost of the entire trip to America yet. I am keeping a tally of any value of whatever it is I am doing here.

I had one hell of a welcome home though! When I left Osaka the weather was pretty warm I was able to wear shorts on most days, and the skies were clear and sunny. When I came back to Memphis the weather was cold and dreary, and it rained hard my entire first day. Also I got sick on that first day, and I am still sick right now. I decided to not let the rain keep me from seeing my friends, I only had a few of their numbers written hastily on a napkin. And almost all the friends I called said they couldn't hang out either because they were working or because they just didn't feel like it. WELCOME HOME!

Actually it wasn't all that bad my mom meet me at the airport with Hummus and Pita Chips yummy. But she also told me some ridiculous news. But Hummus trumps all, especially spicy Hummus.

The things I wanted to do while visiting America, (Basil said not to say "visit" since I am America more on him in a later installment) are take my new projector and PS3 back with me to Japan, see my friends, eat food I can't easily find in Japan. Upon coming back I realized my new Projector is pretty large and there is no way I could take this on a plane with me, so that is a failure. I can still take the PS3 with me so I am probably saving like $50 - $100 shipping that to Japan, still doesn't make up for the cost of actually coming to America. And as far as seeing my friends, we will just get to that later. I have been able to eat some food that would either be impossible to find or needlessly expensive in Japan, so that is a success.

Now as far as my friends. Of course they change over time, people change in general it's part of life. But they have changed dramatically this time around. And just because change is a part of life, doesn't mean I have to like or accept these changes. The most striking change is that for the most part most of my friends have become angry alcoholics, there is a fine line between a fun loving drunk and a bitter alky. And frankly they aren't straddling that line very well, at least in my eyes. But allow me to elaborate on this, so I won't just be "whining" like my friends said I was (lol).

So since I live in Japan I decided that instead of just letting the stuff I leave behind sit around and collect dust why not let other people use it and get enjoyment from it. I let friends borrow tons of video games, DVDs, thousands of dollars worth of hi-end audio equipment, my old DLP projector, clothes, and shoes. I mean you name it, and I probably let people borrow it while I live overseas. In fact I have lent out so many things, to so many different people that I have lost track of a lot of it, and it doesn't bother me generally. Another thing that doesn't bother me is when some of my stuff is accidentally misplaced or broken. I learned in college that stuff will get broken a lot even if you take great care of stuff, electronic equipment will still break down or malfunction it happens. So why am I bringing this up? Well there is a difference between accidents and malicious actions. And this time around I am facing malicious actions.

This time when I returned I decided to get back a few of my games and DVDs to take back with me. No problem, I mean I actually knew who had the things I wanted back. I meet my friends and Huey's and told them that I wanted some of my stuff back, they told me they had pawned it. I laughed because I thought it was a joke, I mean why would they pawn it? They had both gotten new jobs and were making more cash, so it's not like they were struggling, plus Memphis is a cheap place to live. So we went to chill at their apartment, and I was like alright jokes over were is my stuff at? And guess what they actually did pawn MY stuff!?! I asked them why they pawned stuff I let them borrow, because it made no sense to me. One of them immediately started yelling at me, and his logic was that over a year ago I accidentally took their copies of two games. Which I apologized for years ago, and even gave them some gifts from my old city in Japan. So what did they do in return they got bitter over something insignificant, and instead of accepting my apology for a genuine accident, they decided to pawn my stuff off just to be dicks. And as if that wasn't enough they demanded that I replace the two games from a year ago. What I did was an accident their actions were deliberate.

And it doesn't end there either, they alluded to violence to get their motives accomplished. They explained how 1 year ago (that's one full year ago) they were going to beat my ass for a genuine mistake I made, on the information that I received from another friend. If they were going to beat anyone's ass I would say fight the guy who told me that they were my copies of the game. And it isn't even like I broke into their house and stole this shit either, one of the guys was there and I was like I think these are mine and he was like yea okay. So they were alluding to still trying to fight me today, which is crude and silly. I would expect people to automatically escalate things to violence in Atlanta but I was disappointed to see this kind of thing happening amongst my own "friends" in Memphis.

And then of course there is the shit talking that comes with excessive drinking. Several of my friends including some of the friends previously mentioned have decided to just flat out talk trash to me. Why? Because I refuse to just get shit faced drunk with them, and it's not like I won't drink with them at all, I will have a beer or two, but I don't really want to just sit around and drink a whole handle of whiskey with people who are bitter about their job but at the same time trying to impress their co-workers (who are usally around now too) at my expense. Talking shit to me to impress your co-workers is pretty low, in my book. I still have about 4 or 5 friends who are still the same easy going people I remember so that is great. But these days it seems that my really good friends are my friends in Japan. I appreciate their open mindedness and acceptance of all lifestyles. Only in Japan can I be a part of a large group of people consisting of: heterosexuals, bisexuals, lesbians, alcoholics, smokers, non-smokers, businessmen, hippies, people who don't drink and bar tenders. I would never dream of hanging out with such a varied friend base, ALL AT ONE TIME, in Memphis. Perhaps in California something like that is possible but not in Memphis, I have to keep separate groups of friends to avoid clashes whereas in Japan friends of my friends are my friends by default.

But this trip has some redeeming factors I am enjoying this time sent with my family. So that is value added! But man I would be super pissed if my family wasn't here showing me the love they are. There is more I want to say in this especially about all the chaos that is happening in Japan since I am not there to handle shit. But I will save that perhaps for later, getting ready to hit the gym.

Train Tales

2009-12-03T23:31:00.006-05:00

The Train Wranglers pushing in a few extra passengers in an already overcrowded train!

After talking to my friend Josh it has occured to me that some things I have skipped over in my blog might need to be revisted. So I present to you this installment entitled "Train Tales".

The first tale takes place on a train on the Yamanote Loop in Tokyo I was on my way to Shibuya, and the train was pretty crowded. Crowded to the point were I couldn't easily move my arms. 2 minutes into the 20 minute ride someone spanked my ass. I quickly looked about to see who the culprit was, but everyone around me was either asleep, text on their phone, or playing a Nintendo DS. I figure it was just an accident and thought nothing more about it. Then 1 minute later it happened again! I looked around to see who it could be but again I couldn't tell. This time I was on guard, and sure enough it happened again! I tried to get at least one possible suspect but I couldnt fathom anyone around me slowly spanking me. The spanking continued for the entire time I was riding the train. So I basically got slowly spanked over a 20 minute period.

The next train tale involved a train that was even more crowded. Some of you may have seen the Japanese "Train wranglers" before in pictures. What they do is push people into trains that are so full that peoples' faces are smashed against the window. I had the unfortunate time of being in a train where their services were required. I was in a relatively empty train, but at one stop in particular droves of people boarding the train car I was on. There were soo many people pushed up against me that the force of their bodies against mine lifted me right off the floor!My feet didn't touch the ground for 10 minutes. It was hot and smelly, with the smell of salary men. And the one next to me looked like he was going to throw up. And sure enough he did, but luckily it missed me and went all over 4 peoples legs and a baby's face. Thank goodness I was floating at the time!

The most recent train tale and the last for this mini series involved me being on a train for over 4 hours, and not intentionatlly either. Japanese people have the uncanny ability to sleep on the train and wake up exactly at their stop. I figured I have lived here long enough so I should be able to do the same thing right? WRONG! I missed my stop 6 times I rode the train in a complete loop 6 times!! The conductor would always wake me up at the the beginning of the train loop and ask me where I was going. I would always tell him Kireuriwari. And we would run the train and watch me miss my stop over and over again only to ask me at the beginning of the loop again where I was going. It was like being in the Twilight Zone, I thought I would never make it off that train eventually I realized I couldnt just sleep and magically know when my stop was coming up. I didnt have the circadian rhythms to do so. Well that is all for now またね~

2009-11-25T01:25:00.004-05:00

Osaka, my new city! Yes it's wayy better than Tokyo.

So the last blog was about a computer I got for mi madre, nothing malicious as some people might have assumed.

So moving on, it has been awhile since I blogged. The reason being is I sold my laptop a few weeks back. I am currently in an internet cafe writing this blog. Alot has happened and is stil happening. I got a new job! Working 10 less hours a week and making an extra 30,000円 ($300) a month! I put in an application for a swanky new apartment in downtown Osaka, which is where I will be living now. I am still waiting to hear back from the apartment complex. One thing I will never understand about Japan is the whole real estate system. For some reason Japanese rentors are opposed to renting out to foreigners. Alot of times it is easier to become a UN representative than it is ti rent an apartment. The apartment I want has been vacant for awhile, I already showed them I am serious by putting down the $720 for the first months rent. And they were like umm we got to think about this. What is there to think about you can either have a tenant and make money or continue to let the apartment sit vacant and make nothing. Obviously Japanese rentors aren`t well versed in "opportunity costs".

I am hoping to hear something soon, I told them on last friday　I want to move in on the 26th, which is tomorrow, and I haven`t heard any kind of a response. I can forsee this year being pretty expensive. I need a new laptop of course, plus I need a washing machine, microwave, refrigerator, and a bed. I am going to try and get all that stuff pretty cheaply, but it will still probably cost like $300-$400. In addition I want to be able to play video games again. It's been a long time since I was able to sit down with my friends and play some games over the internet. I either want my Xbox sent to me or a brand new PS3! And of course that means I will need a video source, and seeing as I am opposed to TVs that means I need a projector. So very quickly my costs are rising lol. I will wait and see how things play out I am currently living off of my japanese savings, but that won't last very long.

Another thing is that I am in talks of joining an improv comedy team in Osaka! I am more of a stand-up comedian, but what ever as long as it's comedy I am down. So the end of this year has the potential to be explosive! I have to get through this week first. Unfortunately I am still in Isesaki trying to get stuff done. I really hope I hear about the apartment tomorrow so that when I go to Osaka Friday night for my cousin's wedding I will have a place to live. Or else I will be H-O-M-E-L-E-S-S. Actually I will just stay in an apartment, but still those costs add up, and I need to conserve money so I can get a new laptop early next year and possibly a game system this year. I really do wish I could be in America this time of year, not only to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with my family, but also to buy a PS3 from Wal-Mart's Black Friday sale. Looks like I want see my friends and family again till next year

Where is my mind?

2009-10-25T13:21:00.003-04:00

This picture has more to do with this blog than you think!

(especially considering that you don't know what this blog is about)

My brain is swimming in thoughts right now! Which is actually a good thing because thinking gives me energy (for some odd reason). With all the insomnia I have thanks to Tinnitus, I can use energy! One person is consuming my thoughts though. Because I am just days away from spring something totally unsuspecting on her. While I won't quite get even with her, I can be entertained by imagining what the look on her lovely face will be like when she finds out what I have done. I expect there to be shock that I would pull something like this off, followed by awe at what will come to transpire. The hour draws near, and I in the back of my mind I think she might expect this (but I am not 100% sure she does). Just have to wait and see.

And while we are talking of such things. Today some Japanese lady gave me the ridiculous proposition of me teaching her private English lessons. It wouldn't have been ridiculous, except the classes would involve me PAYING her to come and teach her English on the weekends!! LOL WTF LADY! Not only did I not want to be around here when she was telling me this horrible idea, but I damn sure wouldn't want to pay her to waste MY weekends to teach HER English. I mean honestly what the hell is she thinking.

People are undoubtedly reading this and saying WTF is he talking about here. But I wouldn't bring something up with out fully explaining it (to the best of my ability). So you will just have to stick around to see how this Halloween extravaganza will play out.

To be continued. . .

Plan B!!!

2009-10-22T03:38:00.002-04:00

I will regard today as the turning point in my life (at least in regards to my thoughts). I have never been one for any kind of long term plan or for that matter any plans. My life up until this point has just been a bunch of random occurrences. But as I get older and gain more knowledge I start to think differently. And after months of complete shit at least in thinking things look great.

I am so hopeful and excited I don't even know where to begin with this blog, no matter how far my thoughts progress I still find it hard to accurately convey everything I want to say in one cohesive medium. But here goes. . .

What is Plan B? Well as many of you probably don't know I have been working on a stand-up comedy routine for awhile now at least half a year by now. I usually just let life experiences shape my jokes as opposed to sitting there trying to force a joke to come to mind. So I have been thinking increasingly about just pursuing a career as a comedian. Definitely a risky venture, even if I am successful the potential for return is very uncertain. So I started searching for a medium between the apparent risks I would face. And now things that have been right under my nose this entire time have jumped out at me.

Why not just open a comedy club!?! By opening my own comedy place I could do comedy there, as well as provide a venue other local comedians could try out their routines. And best of all I would be my own boss! But where is the cheapest place to do that? I have always wanted to live in California (even though I have never been there). But as we all know California is quite expensive and opening a business there must be ridiculously expensive I would burn through my resources quicker than a space ship full of money on a collision course with the sun. So I put this idea on the back burner for awhile and continued to work on my comedy routine, and apply for "normal" jobs in corporate america (which I would probably despise). For months now I have continuously read about one city that has faced the worst of the current economic recession. I would read articles about 7 bed room houses in this city for sale at a measly $10,000 and still not selling (that is crazy!). I would read about the hundreds of thousands of unemployed sedentary people trapped in this city of hopelessness with nothing to look forward to than other than their next job interview.

What city is this? Most of you should already know that city is Detroit. For awhile I have simply thought man it would suck to live there that sounds horrible. But wait maybe I am thinking about Detroit all wrong! I started to think about things I like when I am feeling down, hopeless, or just plain fed up. I like to laugh to lighten the mood and I like a tasty brew! And reports are showing that despite of the heavy weight of depressed jobs that Detroit's people still want to reach out for some light hearted fun with halloween sales and parties remaining constant and even rising in some areas. So that started to tip the scale for me and then I read this article. And that was it I had found my place.

Not only could I get a house for super cheap but I could also open a small business with few barriers and low start up costs as most venues in Detroit are vacant eye sores. Right now I am calling this "Plan B", but to be honest this is the plan. As others have said the only thing that stood in there way was themselves. In my case I am not a barrier to my own entry. In this case my barrier would be someone else. Someone who with made even dreaming of something like this even a possibility. Someone who is very conservative and cautious in their approach to things. But in the end ultimately it will come down to me and my own determination. There are times to be cautious and there are times to through caution to the wind. And I think this time calls for the latter.

I would of course love the support of my family and anyone else who would like to help me pursue this venture. Anything helps not just money, if you have some knowledge that could help, such as legal knowledge, or anything else I am open to anything. Even if you want to stand in my way I am up for that too! I know that I risk losing a lot in this, but I could stand to gain autonomy in a way I could only dream of, this will prevent me from really pursuing an active comedy career of course but it will allow me to do comedy at some level as well as to shine the spotlight on other comedians. Just thinking about this all week has made me happy every day I wake up! It's as if nothing can get me down because I have hope and for the first time in my life I have an actual plan that is long term and matters to me. I am not doing this because someone else wants me to or because I think it will make someone else happy (which is what most of my decisions have been based on) I am doing this for me. Now it's just a matter of getting the pieces together.

Of and if your curious "Plan A" was just moving to Tokyo and working there until March and then coming back to the States with nothing and just wingin' it. I don't even want to call that a "Plan" anymore though, because by doing that I would just be wasting my time, I have had some interesting times here in Japan but I think it's time to start working on my long term goals and leave this short term shit behind. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, and I couldn't be more excited!

^_^!!!

Something strange is happening here. . .

2009-10-16T04:49:00.005-04:00

Roku

Right now I am trying to use the Google Maps application on my iPhone and it is acting strange. I am sitting in my apartment in Japan and when I hit the button for the GPS to determine my current location it is telling me that I am at my house in America. Not only that when I move around in this city the GPS indicator moves around on the map of Memphis! I guess home truly is where the heart is, because this is crazy. Not only have I never used the Google maps feature of my phone in America, I have never looked up my house on it ever, so for it to pinpoint my location in Japan as my home in America is very strange.

Well today was a great day then at the last second it kind of crumbled apart. I went to Takasaki to get a work permit for my new job in Tokyo. I thought the process would take a long time so I went to the immigration kind of early, and the process didn't take that long at all! After getting the permit I faxed it to my new employer then hit the town. Decided I would go to my favorite Turkish restaurant and get a Beef Kabob! It was closed when I got there so I thought about going to another place to eat but at the last second I decided to go to an art museum I had seen on my last visit to Takasaki. The featured artist was a Japanese man by the name of Roku. His works were beautiful they captured his childhood vividly! Even though he did paintings of his childhood as an adult the way in which he produced the paintings made it seem as though he had painted each piece when he was a child at the exact moment the scene in the piece was occurring. I took a few pictures at the exhibit (secretly), but the pieces I liked the most I couldn't photograph because guards were watching out for people like me! But here are some photos of his work I did manage do capture on film.

Roku's Showa (Boy's Day) a Japan's festival.

A childhood Hanami (reader's should know what Hanami is)

Listening to an Orchestra of giant Crows

After the exhibit I went back to the Turkish restaurant in the hopes that they would be open by that time it was 11am. Nothing really opens in Japan till around 10am. The only saps who have to be up before this time are people who work at convenience stores and teachers (sigh). I got back to the restaurant and now it was 11:40am, it was still closed! So I decided maybe I will do some shopping, and waste a bit more time. But in order to do that I needed a bit more money I only had about 1,000円 on me. So I looked on my map to find the nearest 7-11 to use the ATM (Google Maps worked properly then). The closet 7-11 was a bit of a distance, so I mapped out a route, and just as I was about to head out the owner of the Turkish restaurant came up and greeted me. He remembered me from my last visit, I sat down and ordered and chatted with him as he made my lunch. I had the Beef Kabob and a Turkish Yogurt drink which isn't what you expect a Yogurt based drink to be like. It wasn't sweet, so much as it was bitter and salty, but it complimented the Beef Kabob nicely.

Turk Sky

Beeg Kabob and the salty Yogurt drink!

After lunch I went to a few stores before coming to one where I debated on whether or not to buy some bright red plaid pants. After much deliberation I got a phone call from my new employer.

This is when things went down hill.

The lady on the phone told me the position and the apartment I would have had with the job were both filled. Surely they didn't JUST fill them that day because I had just sent my work permit to them at like 10am bright and early. So that means the position had to have been filled for awhile and they carried on in all of our previous phone conversations like the job and apartment was still available. This both infuriated me and made me laugh. I was angry because they could have simply told me awhile ago that the position was filled and I could have saved myself the time and effort. She tried to smooth things over by offering me a crappy position in some one horse town, but then my phone "lost reception" and the call dropped :P

So now I not only had to come to the decision on the pants I had to come to a decision on my future; since in about 2 weeks I will pretty much be homeless and jobless! I acted on what I could control and bought the pants and man are they comfortable, sure people back in the states might call them gay or ridiculous. But rest assured I will be ridiculously comfortable! So now I am pretty much back to the drawing board here applying for jobs in Tokyo trying to start over again, but I have a mellow attitude about all that is happening. Seeing Roku's works has brought me great joy! I wish everyone could see the exhibit. But you will just have to get a glimpse of it vicariously through me.

What gives!?!

2009-10-07T08:04:00.002-04:00

Rhana and I

Yesterday I was at the gym preparing for some long drawn out conversation when I went up to the front desk to cancel my membership. I started forming the Japanese sentences in my head to convey my thoughts. I said the first sentence to the girl at the front desk telling her this would be my last month in Isesaki. She stopped me right there and said I can use English! I was shocked because when I came to the gym to sign up I asked if there was someone there who could go over the fine details with me in English and she was working that day but did she offer her help? Not at all. So now months later I find out that she speaks English pretty well. So I told her I was leaving and was going to cancel my membership. She asked why I explained all mishaps that I had happen to me while living here. And she said that she was sad.

I assumed she was sad that I had soo much misfortune but I was only partially right. It seems this whole time she has been watching/semi-stalking me at the gym. She said she has liked me since I first joined but was too shy to say anything. As touching as that is it came a bit too late. It's not like she was bad looking either in fact she was pretty cute. But nothing is going to derail me from my course! And a nice little reminder of why I need to get the hell out of here has happened today.

As I was sitting at work waiting to do the speech contest after school, I decided to check on facebook to see what the other ALTs were up to. Pretty much every ALT has the day off tomorrow because of the typhoon that is going to ravage Japan tomorrow. But not me! That's right I will be up bright and early braving 153km winds an hour winds to get to work just to sit at my desk. The students at least get to come a bit later than usual. But I actually have to be there earlier than usual, for a meeting about the typhoon! If that isn't the biggest bag of shit ever, I don't know what is. Plain and simple the Isesaki Board of Education is full of idiots as far as I am concerned. First they took 2 weeks from my summer vacation when I came back; time which I thought I could use to recover from my accident, and now this! I love my school to death (not literally mind you), but the BOE can be blown away in this typhoon for all I care. I can't wait to be done dealing with them. The end is near. Let's just hope I don't get seriously injured trying to travel through a typhoon to get work. Even though I live quite close to the school anything could happen, maybe a fence will blow into me or I will just get sick from being in the rain and having to sit around all day in wet clothes.

Here's to you Isesaki, you never give up on trying to destroy me!

Third time isn't the charm.

2009-10-04T10:29:00.004-04:00

Some of the (many) spots of blood. . .

I thought this was a bad dream but the blood reminds me it isn't

There are more but you get the idea.

This was a quiet weekend in my apartment. I was going to go out on a date with a Japanese cougar but then I decided ehh I want some me time. So instead I watched some movies and ate some foods I like. Saturday rolled around and I thought he I can call Rhana my Brazilian friend, maybe I can invite her over and we can watch some movies together! But then at the last minute I was like wait this place is a mess, and I don't feel like cleaning it up. So again I watched some movies by myself. Sunday rolled around, and I was biding my time before I had to go and teach one of my Brazilian students. As I am sitting in my apartment watching Family Guy, one of my Brazilian friends burst into my apartment covered in blood and wielding a knife. He ran up to me and slapped the Melon Pan I was eating out of my hand!

I have never mentioned Melon Pan before but I am addicted to it. When I leave Japan that will be the one thing I miss the most! So with that said when I am eating Melon Pan I am not expecting some bloody guy to run up and frantically slap it out of my hand, but that is precisely what happened. So after I got over the initial shock of having my tasty treat rendered useless, then I slipped into the shock of seeing my friend covered in blood and holding a knife. My first thoughts were hmm he might have just killed someone, and he might try to kill me too. So how did I react then?

The first thing I said was "Hey man why did you knock my Melon Pan on the floor and get blood all over it? I was eating that and now it's gone. That Melon Pan was innocent, it didn't do anything wrong." Keep in mind here that I don't often get to enjoy Melon Pan since I try and eat healthy and maintain my weight. So not only was this one of those rare times but I had splurged on the jumbo Melon Pan and that wasn't cheap.

He looked back at me and said "F&*k that Melon Pan something serious is happening here man. He said we have to go now!" I probably shouldn't have went with a man covered with blood holding a knife, but what he said next made all the common sense I had suddenly disappear. "I have just been stabbed (that explains the blood). And the people who stabbed me followed me here!"

WTFFF why the hell did he lead potential murders to my apartment! Not wanting to just sit in my apartment while some crazed maniacs closed in on us I fled with him. The way I saw it I could either say "No" and sit there by myself and possibly be attacked alone or go with him and be attacked with someone else. Considering the fact that if I got attacked with someone else that would give the assailants a distraction and me a chance to escape. Because the way I see it a criminal will commit violent acts against who ever they can apprehend. So as long as I can out run them (which I am sure I could) then they would stop chasing me and attack him. However if it's just me and no one else to pursue they would be a lot more relentless in pursuit of me.

So I spent the next hours riding around in a car with my friend as he explained frantically what happened. Then came the point where I realized I had made the wrong decision. I asked him where we were headed? He told me Bombar which is a Brazilian bar/club. So I was like wait a minute we are running from a group of Brazilian gangster and we are going to a Brazilian bar? That doesn't seem smart. So naturally I asked if they were there. And he said yes they probably were! Whoa I thought we were supposed to be fleeing these guys not rushing to engage them. And that is when he was like together we can get them back there is another knife in the back seat we can take them together.

WHOAAAAAAAAAA! I never agreed to get into a knife fight. So know I was thinking of opening the car door and just jumping out and hoping I didn't break too many bones. Breaking a few bones is a lot better than being stabbed, I don't want my squishy organs to be punctured with some random dirty knife, that's how swine flu is spread people! So know I was thinking well Kenny ole boy this is going to be it, the last hooray. You are going to be stabbed trying to flee from Bombar. So I sent my sister a message on facebook expressing my intentions to leave everything to her in the event of my death. Since I don't have a will but I definitely seem to need one.

We got to Bombar and there were 2 Brazilians standing outside holding batons. We pulled up near them and I got ready to bolt as soon as the car stopped. I fumbled with the lock though and didn't quite make it out so gracefully as I had imagined it. But it was okay because they were there to help them. I still ran anyway, to a Brazilian owned Barber shop where some other Brazilians I know work. I stayed there for awhile. Then I realized that my phone was in the car. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So I killed time until I thought okay surely whoever is going to be killed has been killed by now so I made my way back to Bombar and my friend and his car was gone, along with my phone. I had someone call him and tell him to come back to Bombar. He came back and I got my phone and then ran back to my place, I didn't want anything else to do with that whole situation.

My step-sister boiled it down quite nicely only I could have soo many insane things happen to me in a small town where chickens seem to outnumber people! When I move into the heart of Tokyo she asked me what would happen to me then? And with how bizarre things have been in my current city I wouldn't think it to be too far fetched for me to be assaulted by mutants, or mauled by a bear in an elevator, maybe I will be abducted by aliens. Seems the new prime minister and his wife have been abducted and taken to Venus so what's to say I won't be abducted as well!

ほとんど。。。

2009-09-28T01:35:00.002-04:00

Well today I almost got hit by a car! If that car had hit me it would have totally trashed my bike, and probably sent me flying. And this time it wasn't my fault at all. The lady driving the car decided she wanted to see what I looked like since she was driving behind me and couldn't really see my face. Now this is nothing new cars tend to drift towards me in a vain attempt to see what I look like since I'm a foreigner in a small town where the people don't see foreigners that often. But this lady went above and beyond she speed up really quickly passing me by about an inch. Her car was so close to me that my handle bars scratched her car. Once she heard the scratch she immediately try to pull over to see the scratch. Only problem with that maneuver was that I was still on the side of her car, she still tried the maneuver anyway luckily I have had cars drift towards me often enough that I can react very quickly and that is what I did I turned with her whilst accelerating rapidly. End result that lady's reckless curiousness caused her car to get messed up and I was unscathed!

So I am still torn here, about what I should do. I am trying to decide if I should just move to Tokyo, and hope for the best which seems to be the best route of getting a job in Tokyo. Since my friend Rory quit his job in Isesaki and then simply moved to Tokyo where he found a job in like 3 days! I have an offer for a position in Tokyo but it is only part time, but that would give me some income while I looked for something full time. On the one hand I am practically in Tokyo every weekend and traveling back and forth between Isesaki and Tokyo is tiring. But I have some really cool friends here in Isesaki and I would hate to leave them behind, but lately I don't even see them that much anymore because I am always in Tokyo. But also there is the fact that I don't think I will be here past March of next year, so I am also thinking why bother? I guess long story short I will be attempting to move to Tokyo.

Where the money at?

2009-08-31T08:25:00.002-04:00

Today is the last day of a month from hell. Bad thing is the hellish days are spilling over into next month, but on the 10th of September things should be back to normal for me (for the most part). I went out to celebrate the fact that I would get some money back from the hospital. I was planning on going after school but those plans dissolved quicker than Alka Sletzer in a glass of Coke. I find that working as an ALT makes it pretty much impossible to get anything useful done in my own life. By the time I get off work half of the places I need to go to are closed. The City Hall closes at like 5pm I get off work at like 4:25pm if I am lucky, or run fast so nobody ask me to do some dumb shit at the last possible second. And I am not sure about like paying bills and stuff but that stuff probably closes early too. So I somehow managed to get to the City Hall before it closed on Thursday, I was expecting to walk out of there with about 50,000円. When my number was called the guy at window 3 told gave me some forms and told me I had to go to the hospital to get their はんこ (stamp) of approval. Great! Problem is I had no idea how to get to the hospital. No worries iPhone to the rescue! I used google maps to plot a course from the City Hall to the zip code on the letter from the hospital. When I arrived at my destination it was just some shady ass alley I didn't see anything anywhere in the vicinity that even looked like a hospital, frustrated I gave up and returned home. The next day while running at the gym I decided to text Christal and she if she knew were it was. She did! Score!

Armed with a new address I set out on my search again. This time I actually found the hospital and I proudly walked in to where I would be receiving the money. The desk was closed! Just my luck right? So I had to try again the next day. The next day I figured I would try a different route to the hospital that should have been a shortcut. It ended up being a long cut as I got lost for like 30 minutes, I was just about to give up, when I found something that looked familiar and success I made it there. This time the desk was open, I gave the lady my form she gave me a shady look. Asked the guy next to her some questions then told me to sit down, then she went in the back and started looking through a bunch of forms, I was starting to think she was going to give me a hard time. I was about to say "look lady this money isn't coming out of your pocket now fork that shit over!" It was almost as if she knew that all this time I never paid my share of Japanese pension or healthcare, I dodge that shit like the Matrix. At first I didn't pay into the pension or health care because I am a freaking foreigner, and I am not spending my hard earned money to support old Japanese people who fall down and go to the hospital or something like that. Plus I never thought I would use a Japanese hospital. But then after I went to the Japanese hospital I got completely fucked over, so they should be paying me!

She called me back up 15 minutes later and put he stamp on my forms and I held out my hand for the cash and started thinking of what I was going to buy to eat after leaving. She put some papers in my hand and I am not talking about money, she just gave me more forms to take to the City Hall! WTF. By this time the City Hall was closed, so I had to wait until the following day.

The following day came and it was raining outside but I didn't care I needed money. I rode my bike through the rain got completely soaked walked into the City Hall and it was closed so that it could be vacuumed! What!?! Couldn't they still be open or vacuum at night! I mean it's not like I can come there whenever I want to I got to work all damn day! In fact I think the City Hall made my contract just so I couldn't ever come there and talk with the people there, it's a conspiracy I tell you! They are trying to prevent me from doing anything in my own personal life. So I came back the next day and luckily no one was there so I didn't have to wait. I walked right up to a window with my forms, the guy took one look at me then walked me over to the ticket machine and made me take a number, then he told me to sit down and wait for my number to be called. There was NO ONE THERE but regardless I sat patiently for about 10 minutes and watched the guy sit at his desk staring at me from behind the window with his hand over the button that changed the sign to the next number. I kept looking at him and then the number sign wonder WTF he was thinking. Finally he pushed the button and my number was called I took all my papers up to him and then he said I would get the money on September 18th. Noooooooooooooooooo! It won't even matter then as I get paid on the 10th.

I was happy that I had at least gotten something done and it only took like a week! Except I wasn't done. Today at school the City Hall called me and told me they needed my はんこ. I wondered why they didn't tell me that when I turned my papers in because I could have easily stamped those papers. The lady asked on the phone asked me when I would come in, and I told her I had to work because the City Hall made my hours inconveniently long. She told me "がんばって" (good luck) and then hung up the phone. Wanting this all to be over with as soon as I hung up the phone I bolted for the City Hall I didn't have another week to spend fooling around with this I wanted this done NOW! So that is what I have been spending most of last week doing. And I have nothing to show for it. At least not now. . .

Oh well just another day in the life of a Kenny.

久しぶりね！

2009-08-19T03:20:00.008-04:00

Vera tried so hard to sleep. . .

But we wouldn't allow it!

Fireworks over Ohtawara!

A portable shrine being carried by some very drunk people.

Hello all! Hello me!

It has been awhile since I have been able to put my thoughts down in writing. And man has a lot of stuff happened. I am obviously back in Japan now, but without further ado let's begin shall we.

My trip back started off hilariously bad. I got to spend a bit of time with my little sister and mom joking around a bit in the airport which was fun. Those are two of my favorite ladies in the world. If I had to chose between saving one or the other I think I would opt to sacrifice myself instead and save them both. But anyway the trip started off pretty good I had stayed up the whole night before so that I could sleep the whole way back. Sleeping really helps pass the time on a 17+ hour flight to Japan. I was dead tired by the time I got into Atlanta, and I was ready to sleep on the way to Japan. Only problem is I didn't make it onto the plane bound for Japan. Instead I arrived to a gate with a locked boarding door so I sat there waiting for someone to come and scan my ticket so I could attempt to board the plane before it actually left. So I waited at the gate for around 10 minutes watching baggage handlers load the plane up. Then I watched as the plane backed away from the gate and then took off. I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back to get my stuff the gate attendant was there. I asked the lady when the next flight would be and she said not till tomorrow, and then she proceeded to scold ME for not showing up sooner. Apparently according to her she was at the gate the whole time waiting for anyone who might show up late. A lady who was sitting nearby and saw me waiting burst into laughter at this lady's blatant lie.

I explained to the gate attendant that I had been waiting and she said that I was lying because she never saw me. Then I showed her a picture I took of the gate and the plane to prove to her that she was the liar. She shut the hell up then and was like ohh umm next in line please. If I hadn't of been so tired I could have pursued that situation further but, I was too tired to argue with her and her shoddy lies. I called my friend Sharif up and ask if I could crash at his place he said yea that would be fine so I headed his way. So I took the MARTA to his place and then walked like another half mile to get there. By the time I got there I was soo tired I wasn't even tired anymore! I played some Gears of War and Guitar Hero then enamored some of his friends with stories of Japan. They of course made a big deal out of it as most people in America tend too for some reason. It's not that big of a deal living in a foreign country people!! I mean tons of foreigners come to America and live there and no one is impressed by them in fact most people probably hate them in America. If you live in America and are always complaining that your college professor has too thick of a Chinese accent for you to understand, then go to China and become a professor and see if you can do it before you talk crap. Or go to Pakistan or Jamaica and drive a taxi.

So I got in to Isesaki, where I live, at around midnight upon arriving I walked the wrong way for awhile because apparently I forgot everything abut the city I had been living in for most of the summer. I had to walk through the red light area to get to my apartment. And the whole time I am walking guys are trying to get me to go into their hostess bars. And you know how much I loveee hostess bars! But not only did I have no interest in their bars but I was walking around with a huge suitcase! Who honestly wants to go to a hostess bar with a huge suitcase with them? I can tell you who doesn't me! When I got in I ate something and messed around on my laptop for a bit, until the battery died. No problem though I can always just plug it up right? WRONG! I left my charger in Atlanta. Back in Japan for only a few hours and already things are going bad. A few days after getting back I went to Ohtawara for a festival which was a blast in fact that whole weekend was a ton of fun I never laughed so hard in my life. At Christal's house I laughed so hard that I almost crapped my pants and I have never laughed that hard in my life. Let me say I love other gaijin here in Japan <333!>

Needless to say Monday sucked hard I sat at my desk struggling to fight sleep while trying to look like I was working. I didn't make it though and ended up falling asleep at my desk. When I woke up I thought no one seemed to care, but I forgot this was Japan I am in so people don't tell you things directly they go in the most roundabout way. So on Tuesday my boss came to have a meeting with me he told me that the Vice principal saw me sleeping at my desk and that the principal thought I had changed. Sure I should have went to sleep earlier, but the medicine I am taking was going to make me sleepy that day anyway so either way I went I was going to be very sleepy. Then my boss went on to ask me, if I thought I was the "same" as the other ALTs and teachers?

I thought that was an odd question why would I be different from anyone else? So naturally I replied that of course I am the same why wouldn't I be!?! He informed me that after my accident I was no longer the same, and in a nice japanese fashion he pretty much told me that I am "handicapped", and that people will view me different because of my accident. And this is the best part when I came back I had to apologize to the school which wasn't that bad, but I also had to bring them gifts, I am the one sitting in the hospital all this time and yet I am giving them gifts, I actually don't mind doing it for the teachers but then I also had to do it for the Board of Education WTF!! I don't even really know anyone on the Board of Education and nor do I care to know them, since they screwed up my summer vacation and made me go to work 2 weeks early! I was expecting to come back to Japan and have some time to get used to Japanese culture again, it's still a little bit of culture shock at first. But instead I was forced to work, or rather should I say sit at my desk with nothing to do.

So back to the Vice principal. So not only did he complain about me sleeping for a little bit on Monday but also he complained that I was just sitting at my desk and I wasn't talking to him. Umm I was told before if I am not interacting with students I should be at my desk in case I am needed, that way it would be easier to find me. There were NO students that whole first week so I guess I was supposed to like either stand at my desk for 7+ hours or maybe remove my legs and let them roam the campus while my torso floated near my desk. And as far as never talking to him I never talked to him before. The Vice principal went on to say that I had changed since the accident, and that he didn't think I could do the job anymore. He was sort of right though I can't teach students if there are no students to teach. So the rest of that week was a nightmare! I don't even know how I made it through that with out actually becoming mentally handicapped. Thank goodness for iPhones!

So I believe it was Thursday, and like every previous day it was me and the Vice principal sitting in a hot ass faculty room doing nothing. I glanced over and low and behold that asshole was sitting at his desk SLEEPING! I sat there and watched him sleep for a good hour or so and just when I thought of sleeping myself he woke up and came to my desk to see if I was "working". I asked him if he was sleepy and at that point he realized I saw what he was doing and gave me a handful of せんべい which are basically Japanese crackers. Not only was that some sort of a bribe to keep my mouth shut about his hypocrisy but it was a down right shitty bribe. What kind of a bribe is a handful of crackers? I can't be like hey officer I know you found out I am selling a lot of unregistered guns, but here is a handful of crackers why don't you look the other way on this one eh? I guess people really must think I am handicapped because that is the only way that would have possibly come close to a decent bribe. So I continued to sit there and pretend to work on stuff for my students, which I couldn't actually do because I had been gone for 2 months and had no idea where they were in the textbooks. But apparently my new handicap allows me to mind read and know where the students are at.

So I am at the end of my second week of being back at work and the other teachers are there now and all they do is gossip about me and talk shit. If you are going to talk shit about someone ensure they don't know what language you are speaking that usually helps. But I sit there anyway and act like I don't know what is being said, because ignorance is bliss. Ohh and after the Vice principals hypocrisy I started leaving work early, nothing too big just like 10 or 15 minutes early although I could leave like 3 or 4 hours early since my day consists of me sitting there waiting for lunch, and after that is done everything else just crumbles away. But I am conservative about it, although I can easily just play the handicap card which I apparently have and run out of the building whenever I feel like leaving because I don't know any better.

So I have another meeting on friday which I am dreading like Yellow fever. I am expecting nothing good to be said to me at all which is absurd. I have talked to a few of the students and asked them about the other teacher that was my substitute and pretty much none of them did! The girls didn't like him because he wasn't good looking, and the boys didn't like him because he wasn't athletic at all. I run with the boys soccer and baseball teams and pretty much out run the hell out of them every time. I had suspected maybe the Vice principal liked the substitute more than me since he apparently knew more Japanese than me based on the kanji he was using in his notes on my desk. And if that was the case I could see why the Vice principal would complain and try to get rid of me. But what I also saw was that the substitute NEVER stayed after school to join the students in there after school clubs once. He left exactly on time everyday he was there. I am on probation right now, the students love me but the other teachers despise me. I would say I am not making an effort to win the teachers over but I am. But the truth of the matter is it shouldn't matter about the other teachers, I am not there to be there friend. I am there to be a fun foreigner for the students who will probably never get a chance to interact with someone from another country like this ever in there life. And as far as I am concerned I am doing a great job all the students were super excited to see me I gave out soo many high fives that it felt like I had been lifting weights all day.

So to win the other faculty members over I brought them ice cream today. It's fuckin hot in the faculty room; apparently know one will ever turn on the A/C that is in the room. So I waited to see if they would notice but nothing they still talked trash about me and how I was a horrible teacher, I mean I may not be teaching a class but the students are glad to have me there, and that is what should matter. But I fear that my time at this school is limited sadly, which will suck for the students more than me since I will just go to Osaka, which is where I want to live anyway. But the students probably won't get an ALT who is actively involved in there hobbies like I was. We will see what happens on Friday. . .

About to leave (again)

2009-08-02T14:49:00.008-04:00

At the lake.

Riding a Jet-ski that doesn't work.

Unseen sights.

Grabbin' the nuts!

Let the feast begin!

Happy Birthday Caffe!

My photo is rarely taken by anyone so I have to do it myself (tear).

It's August 2nd which means I only have like 3 more days in America before I head back to Japan. It seems that every time I am about to leave either Japan or America I get really excited and bummed at the same time. There are certain things from both countries I want to take with me. I am going to miss the variety of food that is easily (and cheaply) available in America. Before I head back I got to make sure to eat as much Greek, Mexican (not so much now), and Southern food as I can. I will also miss American women to a certain extent. But most of all I will miss English! I will miss being able to talk with anyone at any time. I can speak some Japanese, but I can talk as easily about anything in Japanese as I can in English. Which may be for the better. I have a tendency to say some really random and bizarre things which seems to make some southerners I have met uncomfortable, but that humor may be suited for Japan.

The things I miss when I leave Japan to come to America are the peacefulness of Japan, Japanese food, and Ex pats! Before I talk about these things let me just say that it is ALWAYS harder to leave Japan than it is to leave America. My home country is America, but Japan has grown on me, and I am not entirely sure why. Or am I!?! A girl I met this time around in America (who also lived overseas) helped me to think rationally about my experience living overseas.

Her words: It's just easier living overseas it's like living in a dream almost. When ever you have problems in one place you can always just run away to the other place.

I think sometimes I do just that, I run away from things that bother and annoy me. I haven't just been doing it since I live in Japan, I consciously did it when I went to school in Atlanta quite a bit. On a side note I think I will thank her for those insightful words.

And now the things I miss about Japan when I have to leave. Peacefulness is of course number 1! There is NO place in America that feels as safe and peaceful as the majority of Japan (some of Tokyo is pretty sketchy though). Although there isn't as much readily available variety in the food of Japan as there is in America, the food that is there is really fresh and really good, so it kicks the pants off of American cuisine, a lot of the time. And the last thing I miss is the Ex Pats. Something about living in another country with some pretty high language barriers, just seems to push people together REALLY quickly. In america I will meet someone like 40 times and never remember there name or where we met. But in Japan I will meet someone twice, and I will remember there name, what prefecture they live in and a bunch of other random info. I have known people in Japan for no more than a year at the max, and I feel like I have known some people there my whole life, it's weird.

AIM Chats

2009-07-25T18:21:00.000-04:00

man kenny I just found all these rediculous chats we've had about sleezy

Kenny

I remember when I was 18 just going to college

Kenny

I was like sleezy tell me what to do what should I expect

Kenny

now I realize years late that nigga didnt even know what he was talking about

Kenny

27, no car, no job, living with momma

time2rock15

not a good combination at all

Kenny

I am 22, with a bike, no job, and livin with momma

Note Kenny isn't my AIM s/n. Vorgovnax is.

Sleepy

2009-07-23T17:24:00.007-04:00

My shadow among red lights

Billy Hardwick's Bowling alley

The Memphis bridge

My old bike hanging on my friends wall.

I am sleepy right now. I am noticing like something that I thought I could explain. Like there is this comedian named Raaaaaaaandy, and I watched one of his videos like last week, and I hated it, so I promptly turned it off. But then like most days this week all my friends are doing is showing me Randy clips. Just my luck! Luckily I have the ability to be apathetic for extremely long periods of time when the need arises. Actually even when the need doesn't arise. I think my time in Japan has made me a lot more laid back. I used to hate bananas and raisins and other things, but now my mindset is "whatever". Life is too short to be picky about things. Plus I couldn't really control whether I ate any food I disliked because the food in Japan is completely random. I am almost the same way with people, but certain things people do will always get on my nerves. Like people who have to talk all the time, and if there is a moment of silence they think it's "awkward". Sometimes I like to not talk and just sit around with someone, there is nothing awkward about that. I wish I could explain this a bit better but I am too lazy at the moment.

Also someone lied to me last weekend and it was a pitiful attempt at a lie. People if you are going to lie to someone do a better job and make sure that your lie doesn't fall apart like the next day.

I would write more but instead I am going to just leave it at this; and instead of words I will give you a bunch of crappy pictures (see above).

Umm. . .

2009-06-28T13:03:00.005-04:00

Akira and I.

Ok to finish off this hospital story now is going to be hard since A.) I don't even remember what all I have talked about in the story so far and B.) My memory of the whole matter is cloudier than ever. So I will just end it with my Birthday.

So I was hoping to get out of the hospital on my birthday. It would have been a sweet birthday gift. But at the same time I wasn't really ready to get out. My mom assumed it was because I would be afraid of the real world or something. But the real reason is because I wanted one more chance to give my number to Yoko, and I wasn't sure when she would be my nurse again. But then right after we ate birthday cakes which Asumi brought, the doctor crushed the entire birthday evening, not that there was much to be crushed. But in the midst of our birthday celebration the doctor called Asumi away to tell her something important. That important news was that I will suffer from seizures for the next 2 years and that I could never be alone during that time. Which is impossible there is no way for me to be around someone 24/7. Plus I didn't believe I would have a seizure again. I mean would you listen to these doctors based on how unorganized and incompetent they have been?

I didn't get out on my birthday but I got out the next day and it felt pretty good to be out. I was definitely enjoying the Japanese summer weather. Shortly after that I came to America to get a lot of things cleared up regarding my health. I really wanted to stay in Japan, but it was necessary for me to come back to get some follow up medical checks done. My job is skeptical about keeping me on the payroll if I have seizures for the next 2 years. So I have to prove to them that I either won't have seizures or that I have medicine for my seizures.

Being back has been interesting. I always seem to discover something new about the people around me every time I come back here. This time I have found that a lot of my friends are really depressed or angry all the time. The contrast between my friends here and my friends in Japan is pretty startling. It could be because I have known my friends in America for soo many years that they let me into their lives a bit more. Or it could be that ex-patriots live a happy carefree life.

I have talked to a few friends from home quite often while I was in Japan, and I was well aware that those friends were kind of down in the dumps. But I was far removed from their problems, I would give advice when I could but I would generally talk to them when I was bored at work because most other times I was to busy enjoying myself.

I must also say that being around overly drunk people and not being drunk myself is quite interesting. I can look in awe at just how smashed people can become. And sometimes I can see a glimpse of my own past in some of these bumbling drunks. One of my favorite drunks so far has been Philip . I saw him I believe this Saturday or Friday perhaps, and he was so drunk he couldnt walk or talk. I found his hopeless situation to be intriguing to say the least. I wonder how he could get soo drunk, and what he must be going through. I wondered if the room was spinning for him, and if he had a headache. I remember a few times when my world was spinning from being overly drunk, those were the worst times, you feel so sick and you just want to die, but you fight through it, just to wake up and say "Never again the next morning", but then you do it all over again a few days later.

At times I feel like I have infiltrated a secret society. I feel this way for multiple reasons, but the main reason is because I am persecuted by own on "society". Because I go out and hang around drunken people I am automatically guilty or suspicious based on association. If it's one thing I hate it's being persecuted, by non-believers. These persecutions come from overly suspicious people who don't believe I am capable of doing something I say I will. Like when I came back one night and my mom came in to smell me!?! I mean that is kind of dehumanizing and definitely some paranoia. I mean A) I am 23, I am quite capable of making my own decisions, I am not a 14 year old I don't need that kind of human interaction. B) If I say I am going to do something I will, I just don't say and do things overly stiff and serious (like some people would prefer). I am not in the army, so I will not give stiff direct answers. I like to flirt about and give easy going softer responses.

I am just a bit to easy going and unconcerned with things. That might be my greatest strength and weakness. It is definitely my greatest strength when I am living by myself in another country but definitely a weakness when I am back in America. People in America (especially during these times) tend to let a lot of small problems consume them alive, until they are just hollow shells of anger and disappointment. The majority of people in Japan seem to not care, and those who are completed consumed by problems usually take their own lives. I am not condoning suicide here. If more people with problems, started turning to suicide then it would raise the problems and level of sadness of other people, possibly causing a chain reaction of suicides (if any of that makes sense). Ok just generally speaking 90% of the time when you see someone walking around in Japan they look either really unconcerned with anything, they are just going about their business. Here in America a lot of people look pissed off, either because they want to appear tough to outsiders, or because they generally are pissed. I am sure people in Japan are quite pissed off too at times, but they have mastered the facade of happiness. And when everyone around you looks happy and non-aggressive you can live a more care free life. I don't think there has ever been a time when I was walking around in Japan and been overly cautious wondering if some pissed off guy walking toward me might rob me or attack me because he feels trapped in his life.

This has been a really random post, sorry.

I will leave you with this thought. If you are angry when you start drinking for the night, you might have the illusion of happiness for a short time, but when you wake up the anger will still be there. So drink for the happy moments, and drink twice as much. Because your drinking for me too ^_^!

Hospital days

2009-06-23T10:09:00.003-04:00

Happier days! *Le sigh*

So I don't even really know where I left off last time. I know I was talking about my rash. So I will just skip right to the needles. I hate needles, especially when they are being forced under my skin. It might have been bad if the nurses didn't have to redo the needle insertion multiple times. There was one nurse in particular who had super hairy legs and a really annoying voice, she could NEVER get shit done right the first time EVER! She would stick an IV needle into my right arm like 6 times then be like ohh sorry I kept missing the vein, let me try the other arm then she would go to my left arm and fuck up like 8 more times until my arm was covered with band-aids to cover her fuck ups. I don't even have to say this, but I hated that nurse her voice was annoying her utter incompetence was annoying everything about her existence as a nurse got to me. It wasn't like my veins were playing hide & seek I can look at my arms and see a lot of my veins.

But there was one nurse who made my time there okay. Named Yoko I thought she was quite attractive and we flirted quite a bit, everyday actually. Shit she even spanked me one night because I was walking around by myself. She told me "I was a bad boy", then took me to my room and spanked me. And she would wake me up by patting me on my ass each morning for breakfast. I thought she looked like something I didn't know what, then it hit me when my mom said she looks like a doll, she looks exactly like a doll. I was going to stay in the hospital an extra night just to give her my number so we could go out sometime. But I got such terrible news those last days that I just gave up all hope. I wish I did give Yoko my number though. I will regret this for a long time. But as my friend Chet said what if there was no "re" just "gret"?

But that wasn't the only action I got in the hospital! One day one of my doctor's came in put his hands under my shirt and started rubbing my nipples. He gave me a look that pretty much dared me to tell someone about what was happening. I was thinking maybe this was a medical test but he just rubbed on my nipples and left, didn't even say anything. At this point I started to seriously question the hospital.

And I lost all faith in the hospital when they lost my test results, and then confused my medical file with someone else! I don't know how they confuse my name which is foreign and written in Katakana with a Japanese person who's name is written in Kanji!?!

First let's talk about the tests results they lost. The hospital did a check to see if I had Meningitis. It was supposed to be a one time test. It wasn't. . .

I am sure most of you don't know how doctor's test for Meningitis, so I will tell you. Doctor's do a Lumbar Puncture, which involves sticking a HUGE needle into your spine to withdraw spinal fluid. Is it painful? You bet your fucking ass it's painful.

So the doctor gave me "anesthesia" before the puncture. Just receiving the "anesthesia" was painful. And I say anesthesia in quotations because that shit didn't do anything. It made my back cold but I felt every bit of that needle going into my spine. And a lumbar puncture apparently isn't a one time puncture he kept pulling that needle out and jamming it back into my spine. It was so painful that Yoko had to hold me down and even offered to hold my hand during the procedure it was sweet of her, but I had to decline because I had to use my hands to hold my stomach. I felt like the needle was going to go through my spine and come out of my stomach. So after it was finally over the doctor said don't worry this test is only done one time. And I laid on my back relieved that the worst was over.

3 days passed and guess what they lost the result of my lumbar puncture! I had to do it again!! And Yoko wasn't there this time I had the nurse I despised holding me down, so it sucked even worse this time. After going through more agonizing pain I thought surely this time it was done. I mean after the 2nd Lumbar puncture my entire back was in excruciating pain, I just tried to lay as flat ass possible. I could feel the bandage on my back getting moist, when they took it off they discovered quite a bit of my spinal fluid had leaked out and was absorbed by the bandage and the bed, that explained why I was in soo much pain.

Eventually my back stopped hurting, and I was relieved that it was all done. About 5 days passed and the doctor came back, and guess what, they lost my test results AGAIN! At this point I really didn't even care if I had Meningitis. I told the doctor if I have Meningitis then I just have it I don't care anymore. But he told me how serious it is and so reluctantly I agreed for a 3rd Lumbar puncture. And again Yoko wasn't there, but the nurse that was there was really nice. She had given me a surprise enema one night. And there isn't too much more surprising than a completely unexpected enema. I liked the fact that she tried to be sneaky with the things she did. Like she would try to put an IV in my arm while I was asleep so I wouldn't feel it, and that was thoughtful. But you really can't just stick a needle into a sleeping person and expect them not to wake up, right!?! Technically no, but she got me one time. And it ended up sucking worse than maybe even the Lumbar puncture.

I like to go to the rest room when I wake up. I woke up and decided to run to the restroom before the nurse came around to put the IV in my arm. But the IV was already in my arm so when I hopped out of bed to go to the restroom the IV needle in my arm got twisted and bent up. My arm immediately started hurting but at the same time it was halfway numb. I started trying to pull the IV out myself but my other arm was kind of useless since my clavicle was broken and I had slept on my hand. So I just started yelling as loud as I could. My blood was shooting up the IV and starting to fill the IV bag. Eventually the ninja nurse (her actual name was Saya) came and pulled the IV out of my arm. She apologized for not waking me up when she put it in, and then started to wipe my other arm down to insert an IV into that arm. I was fed up I jumped out of the bed and started walking to the exit of the hospital I wanted to leave right then and there. They had to call both doctors and Yoko to calm me down and convince me to go back to my bed. I didn't listen to the doctors because they had proved their incompetence, but Yoko promised me she would make sure I got my favorite lunch everyday. The lunch wasn't quite enough I just kind of stood there I didn't move towards either the exit or the bed but just stood there thinking. Then Yoko said something really silly engrish that made me laugh and I went back to my bed. Later on Saya came to give me a new IV, I told her NO! Then the doctor came and tried to convince me that the medicine would help me, and I was thinking help me with what? Get another rash!?! WTF are you talking about? I told the doctor not today. He still tried to talk me into it. I told him if they stuck that IV in my arm I would leave that hospital late at night when there wouldn't be people around to stop me. And they knew I stay up really late because my rash wouldn't allow me to sleep. So for one whole day I had no IV!

Alas this story is long, and I am tired and in a bit of pain so yet again it will be continued.

What Happened???

2009-06-22T02:16:00.007-04:00

Here is a picture from the BBQ

The little Kei car that couldn't!

And a picture of people playing what appears to be a NES at MET's. . .

That is the question that everyone wants to know including me. WTF happened to me that landed me in the hospital? This is what I remember:

I went to a BBQ on a Sunday which was foolish since I knew I would be drinking and I knew I had to wake up at like 7am the next day. Waking up early after drinking never really works out. If I had went home right after the BBQ I would have been fine. I did go home but that was just so I could get my bike so I could ride it back home later on. I should have just stayed at home. But of course if I did then I wouldn't be writing any of this, so we all know I didn't stay home. So I went to MET's and did nomihodai, and it was fun as always met some new people. Most of which were hosts. And as you know I dislike hosts and hostesses, but this time I didn't even care. So at around 12am or 1am I decided I better leave since I had work the next day. Of course before I headed to the Don Quixote to get some food to eat.

But I never made it to the Don, and instead ended up in the hospital. I don't even know if I was on my bike or not I don't remember anything other than I left somehow and never made it to my destination. I want to say I was on my bike, but there is no damage at all to my bike, the only thing amiss was one of my handlebar plugs was missing. But everything else is completely fine. And my bike is fragile so I think if I got in a crash on it that at least the whole front end would break since it's all carbon fiber. But I have no idea if I was on the bike or not. If I was on the bike and crashed I couldn't have been going that fast since there aren't any new scratches that would have suggested I slid.

So now that I gave my vague account of what may or may not have occurred let's talk about the hospital where I know about 95% of what happened. Apparently on my first day I had a seizure of course I wouldn't remember that so that is part of the 5% of hospital time I don't remember. Things were going okay at first, or so I thought. I had no idea that the IV going into my arm was destroying my liver. I was carrying along okay despite obvious pain. The hospital food sucked really bad so I barely ate anything, so that made me tired all the time. But the ICU was okay I had a nurse sitting at a desk in front of me 24/7 it was kind of creepy at times though since all she did was sit at the desk and stare at me. And since I could barely move all I did when I was awake was stare at her. Eventually I got moved to another room. And everyone in my new room was insane, the guy too my left was constantly screaming and was strapped to his bed. The guy to my right wasn't strapped down but he was just as crazy. If either one of them had attacked me I would have been a goner since they had the strength of an insane person on their side, and I had the strength of a person who hadn't eaten that much in days.

Luckily instead of attacking me they spent there waking hours trying to escape they both came close to escaping several times but they always got caught. I thought there attempts at escaping were pretty hilarious. Then I realized I wasn't exactly wanting to be in the hospital either way too many needles, and the longer I stayed the more times needles were stuck in my arm. Until on my last few days I had so many needle marks on my arm plus a rash that I looked like I was coming down off of a heroin binge.

Let's talk about that rash. I had it twice! The first time it was only in a few spots on my body and it was only on me for a few days maybe and then it started to go away, ON IT'S OWN! The doctors noticed and started trying to treat me for the rash which was already going away. Their treatment can only be described by this analogy:

Imagine if you will a small forest fire that is starting to diminish the fire has run it's course. Then a group of firefighters rush to the scene to douse the fire with water, only it's not water they are using it's gasoline! Suddenly the fire erupts and goes out of control burning the whole forest down.

That is pretty much what happened. As soon as they "treated" the rash it went crazy whereas before it was on one of my arms and on one foot now it was everywhere. And it was painful and itchy. It was like having a sunburn and poison Ivy at the same time on your whole body. You are really itchy but it hurts to touch your skin. So you just sit there in agony. So for almost a week I just laid in my bed itchy and in pain, oh plus I had a headache and then later on my hands and feet started to hurt so the situation was getting worse by the day. And all of these came about because of their "treatment" to a problem that was fixing itself.

I am tired so I will continue this later.

Friday night. . .

2009-05-15T08:41:00.002-04:00

I was off this Friday!

And I am sitting in my apartment :(

I said I was going to continue Golden Week but I will have to put that on hold for now. So I was all set to go to Tokyo this weekend and see my step-sister and my old friends from Yamagata who live there. So I sent my step-sister a text message saying can't wait to see her this weekend. And she responded with, "I am going to be in South Korea this weekend. Remember I told you last Saturday!?!"

I thought to myself what when did this happen!?! So I told her that she must have meant someone else. But then she was reminded me I was drunk last Saturday, and then it all came back to me. "Ohh yea I was drunk last saturday! Good times." So I was bummed since that meant part of my trip to Tokyo had lost it's luster. But then some of my friends from Gunma were going to, so i was like awesome we can get together for nomihodai. So I was still pumped. But then literally the next day my boss was like don't forget you have to work Saturday. And I was once again shocked. Then he was like remember I gave you the schedule for this week on last friday? Then I thought back and I remembered ohh yea I remember leaving work to get drunk so I must have never seen that schedule. So in two swift moves my weekend crumble quicker than wet bread in a lawnmower. So instead of being in Tokyo with my friends I am in my apartment, farting (yes farting, I got nothing else to do).

I spent the majority of today trying to find night clubs and cool night hang outs, I have no idea why though it's not like I will be going to any of them anytime soon. But regardless I hit up some night spots during the day and stood in the parking lots and imagined what the various places would be like during the nights, in particular tonight. I bet right now people are dancing the night away but not me. I will be standing right here waiting for tomorrow to end and then for sunday to end so I can go to the gym. My weekend was so ruined that I don't even care about Saturday night they might as well take that away too. I hope when I go to sleep Saturday night that when I wake up it's Monday.

Ohh and Thursday night I went to eat sushi, nothing to amazing about that in Japan, but while I was there this guy was staring at me intensely. At first I tried to pay him no heed but then I thought maybe he knows me, so I started to stare back, and then I started to think that maybe I did know this guy. So I tried to think of his name or where we might have meet, but I had nothing. So we just sat there at the sushi counter 2 seats away staring each other down. It turned out that I didn't know him and that he just wanted to stare so I entertained him for a bit and then he left. It was weird as hell I hope I never see that guy again, but if I do I will be like "where did I see that guy before?"

Back to work :(

2009-05-06T17:02:00.002-04:00

The face of アンパンマン

My Golden week has come to an end and it was quite eventful! Friday I just went to nomihodai with my friends and got trashed for $15 bucks! Can't beat that. Then we decided to check out a nightclub, so first we went to club Ash which we all thought was actually called club Ass. Apparently Japanese people can't say "ash" it sounds like "ass". Anyway club Ash was closed so we went to club Earth, which was a brazilian club. There were a lot of nice looking ladies in club Earth most of which were either dancing with each other, some steroided up douche bag, or simply in the corner crying. I tried to dane with a girl who was with a group of her friends I got shut down instantly. I think if I go back to club Earth I am going to have to either start hitting the gym again (which I am going to start doing anyway) or covering myself with tears. So we spent the next hour or so just exploring the huge multi-roomed club, before finally leaving.

The next morning Ivan, Christal, and I went to Ibaraki to hit up the beach. Ibaraki is where the headquarters of my last company is so it was like the first place I stayed in Japan and now I was going back for a visit. I drank during most of the car ride there, which could have made the trip end as badly as when I went to Aomori with Colin. I drank for like 24 hour straight that day and passed out in the street. Luckily that didn't happen this time. But when we got in town we bought more booze and food. I got some cold そば which is like my favorite summer time food, ever. Later on that first night we got some fireworks and shot them off at the beach it was cold but we didn't let that stop us. Then things got interesting when we went back to the hotel Ivan had booked. Only 2 people could stay in the hotel so I volunteered to be the odd man out. So for the next couple of hours I sat on a bench drinking Whiskey, by myself. Till some homeless people came up to me and started asking me if I was "newly homeless", apparently they hadn't seen me on that bench before. So we talked a bit about homeless life and it's joys and the things we missed about not being homeless. A homeless lady thought my story was inspiring so she gave me one of her beers, which happened to be a のごどし a beer I hate. It is like a Japanese Milwaukee's Best. I didn't drink it because some homeless lady gave it to me and it was a shitty ass beer anyways. So later on Ivan came gave me the keys to his car and a bento and was like here you go. So at this point I looked like a poseur to the homeless people. So I didn't even try to explain why I was homeless a second ago, and now had food and a car. I just got up and left.

I am glad of that experience my small stint of homelessness helped out the experiences of my other friends. I will just leave that at that. But for the next night we got a tent and slept on the beach, and we all got drunk and shot of fireworks yet again! That was amazing nothing like sleeping on the beach and falling asleep to the sounds of waves crashing on shore. The next day me and Ivan went for a walk on the beach where we found some soft rocks and carved our names into them, and admired all the trash on that side of the beach like 2 tires and a gas tank. We were pretty sure if we kept on looking through the trash we would be able to build an entire car. The whole time I was digging through trash I was thinking if only those homeless people could see me know! After trashing diving Ivan and I went bodysurfing in Japan's icy waters. As soon as the water got to about mid thigh I became a 3 year old boy because my shit shrunk up instantly like 2 "Raisin(s) in the sun". The body surfing was pretty fun despite the frigid temperatures of the water, but after awhile I couldn't deal with it anymore and I had to get the hell out of the water.

The next day I had an あんぱん donut, and this is when I decided to officially hate アンパンマン who is like the mascot for this kind of donut. The donut was filled with bean paste and luke warm whip cream, it pretty much tasted like baby shit. So after biting into that abomination of a donut I cursed アンパンマン 's name vowing to never enjoy the taste of his head again (his head is a giant donut which I now want to punch). Later on we got some ingredients for our Cinco de Mayo party and headed back to Isesaki. And I will continue with the 2nd part of Golden week later on.

To be continued. . .

Let's Golden Week it's best each other

2009-04-30T06:21:00.003-04:00

Shiminnomori Park

Tomorrow is the beginning of Golden Week! It's that week long holiday (for no apparent reason), that we all love. I am not sure what is going to happen this Golden Week. First the things I sort of know about for sure. I know there is going to be a Cinco de Mayo party next Tuesday. And I might possibly go to the beach as well. And apparently me and my friends are going to camp on the beach when we go. I also I am pretty certain I am going to go to MET'S because who can pass up a $15 nomihodai!?!

Now what I don't know. I don't know if my friend Shinya is coming down from Yamagata to take me to a rave. He is always out of it when we talk, I will say it's partly because of the language barrier though. And I am not sure if I am going to be hanging out with Chisato a lot this Golden Week. I meet Chisato at a BBQ this past weekend, the first day I thought she was interesting but there wasn't much physical attraction. But I saw her again like Wednesday, and I think she looked better the 2nd time around since I saw her legs and I thought they were nice. So this time I got her number and e-mail address. So we will see if anything develops or not. She does live in a different city in Gunma though, so that kind of sucks. But the city she lives in is way bigger and there is a lot more to do there. So who knows maybe I can go there to see her on the weekends, and enjoy the big city life!

And I love the fact that since I am a foreigner people think I have Swine Flu. Like I sneezed today and the lady at work next to me screamed like my sneeze had started raping her or something. So she didn't over react at all, she completely handled that situation like a sane person would. Ohh and I can take pictures now on my new Japanese iPhone! So I will try to remember to take some interesting pics during Golden Week. Maybe a picture of someone's vomit and if your really lucky I may even take a picture of my Belly button! I know a lot of you are curious to know what it looks like up close. Man I am hungry screw this I am leaving.

何！？！

2009-04-21T07:22:00.003-04:00

I have no camera so I am just uploading old pictures. . .

There were a few things I wanted to right down on my blog but I think I have forgotten a lot of them. I hope that by writing anyway my memory will spontaneously return. I had a Geji in my apartment on Sunday! When there is a Geji in your room it tends to be the first thing you notice. As soon as I turned on my light in my bedroom my eyes were instantly drawn to the wall. And lo and behold there was a Geji just chilling on my wall taunting me with it's presence. Either this Geji was really cocky or really lazy. All the other Gejis I have seen were running and jumping all over the freaking place but this one just sat there like it was paying part of the rent or something. So in an act of bravery I smacked it with my shoe. That was very uncharacteristic of me. Anyone who has seen me around giant bugs knows that normally I freak out, and run out of the room, and close the door vowing never to return to what ever room such fowl creatures dwell in. But this year has been a year of a change in my character.

I keep telling myself to look forward and not to dwell to much on the past. Problem is now I am completely obsessed with the future, to the point that I will forget something that just had just happened 5 minutes in the past. I need to find a balance in my thoughts somehow. But deep in my subconscious I want to revisit things that occurred in my past. In particular I want to reach out to those people I have shared very intimate moments with. I have meet many people in my life, but I think the people we bare are all too in those fleeting moments of intimacy are people who's thoughts and feelings we tend to care most about. There are certain thoughts and feelings I can discuss with close friends but somethings are best shared with someone who has become more than a friend, a person who blurs the boundaries. They can cross into areas of ones psyche where a friend might not be able to navigate. I hope that this makes some kind of sense it seems clear as day in my mind but trying to transcribe what I am thinking seems very difficult right now. In summation though I want to send a girl from my past an e-mail out of the blue to tell her what our time together meant to me, but I stop myself every time I seriously contemplate doing this. It's not part of the grand scheme of this year. I guess the theme of this year is new beginnings, so I want to stick to that.

I have a beautiful friendship here in Gunma! One of the guys I hang out with on a regular basis is like the brother I never had. He isn't quite my mirror being like Chet was to me in college. But I think it's better this way hopefully we can avoid some of the sticker situations that me and Chet got into in college. . .or not, only time will tell what will happen. Actually this is a friendship triangle since one of the female ALTs is in this as well. This triangle is similar to this video I posted on another blog. I should have posted that video on this blog it seems way more appropriate. Ohh well that is what a post archive is for!

One thing that I am not so thrilled about is that I feel I am losing a bit of my randomness. But this is a double edged sword. On one hand I always have people I know I can hang out with on the weekends so that means I won't have to feel the despair of loneliness that sometimes takes over a lone wolf such as myself. But at the same time I am losing some of the joys of just going out on the weekends with no plans and just letting the night sweep me away. I meet a ton of people and did a lot of stuff last year with people I would meet during the course of a night. I would call those instant friendships. They are like cup noodles except you just add alcohol instead of water, and presto you have a group of friends you can hang out with for a weekend, you may or may not see these people ever again in your life but for those few days it's like you have known each other for your whole lives. Everyone is quite comfortable (mostly because of the alcohol) and there are no worries. I was pretty much a friend for hire, I would stand around somewhere having a few drinks trying to decide on a direction when, a group of established friends would approach me and invite me to tag along, because I looked "interesting". Some of those instant friendships lasted on others are now just people I occasionally see who remember my name and I can only reply "ohh hey" (I don't remember you name) "but it has been awhile!"

So I don't know what to expect this year but so far I am pleased with things. Hopefully this year will continue to be kind to me! Good bye for now.

P.S. I need a phoneeeeeeeeeeee

GUNMA!!

2009-04-08T08:05:00.002-04:00

Hello everyone! Hisashiburine? I have been living in my new city, Isesaki-shi, for about a week now, and although it is a bit dirtier than my last city it is also a lot warmer. I don't mind the random garbage as long as it is hot. Nothing like the smell of hot garbage to start the day of on the right foot. It does seriously smell like a zoo here on somedays. I have officially been working at my school for 5 days (1 school week) and I was a bit concerned about if the other teachers would be more conservative than my last school or not. But I am relieved to say they are every bit as relaxed as my old teachers and a good number of them speak english! So I think it is possible my new school might be 10 times better than my old school which I thought was impossible.

I went to see some of the after school clubs, and I got to practice with the pretty much every club I went too! At my old school I was relegated to just watching the students from the sideline even towards the end of the year I just watched so it wasn't very engaging, but here in Isesaki on day one I was out getting dirty with the kids. Unfortunately I wasn't prepared for any of this so I didn't have any athletic attire, so I was restricted in my movements by my business attire. I felt bad when I had to turn down a 1 on 1 challenge from the captain of the girl's basketball team, because she was so excited to try her skills out on me. Little does she know I am freaking horrible at basketball, I am sure she would run circles around me. I will find out tomorrow though, as I promised we would battle it out on the court tomorrow after school. The students at my new school are pretty enamored with me. While I was talking to a former gradate of my school one of the girls volleyball players hit me in the head with a volleyball and then scolded me, about loving any girls except the ones on the volleyball team. I guess I shouldn't tell her I am smitten by two young ladies who work for the same company as me (not any of the other teachers mind you). Actually I shouldn't say young ladies as they are both a bit older than I am.

One lives in the same city as me except on the other side of town and the other lives a few stops away on the train (perhaps a 20-30 minute train ride). At the same time I am drawn to a possible relationship I am repelled by my own laziness and nonchalance. Like I don't even really care if we are together or not. I have had some prime opportunities to let my feelings be heard but I was more interested in other things. At Hanami I had sometime to talk one on one but instead I decided to be a social butterfly and meet a few of the locals, because let's face it the people I was with at Hanami don't know shit about Isesaki they came to this town the same day I did. If I want to find what is exciting in this town I need to get out there and meet the locals. Knowing local people who have lived in the city for a long time made all the difference in my experience in Yamagata. No offense to any of the other ALTs I came down here with they are both cool people, but I think if I don't step up to the plate no one will. They might be fine hanging out with just our small group (just 3 people) but I am not. So when it comes down to either pursuing a relationship amongst a painfully small group of friends, or getting out there and meeting colorful (and very drunk) locals, I chose the drunks any day. A relationship will get monotonous pretty quickly but a drunk person is always full of surprises!

If my beau from Isesaki is reading this, don't think I am talking down to you at all it's quite the contrary. I am also partially being reserved to see if you are as spontaneous as me, I can't really tell right now. I am not sure what would happen if I was to call you friday afternoon to tell you I was going to a festival that night in another prefecture. These things are important to me at least, extreme flexibility leaves the days open for either the mundane or completely unexpected. Well if you are reading this somehow, don't let me know 0_<. You have the upper hand. This blog means I play this game with my hand exposed. Now should I play the Jack of Hearts or the Ace of Spades?

PARANOID!

2009-03-17T06:34:00.003-04:00

Look at that shit

So I just saw my second Geji, and I am about to start crying. The first one I saw was like in a jar so I wasn't too worried about it. But this one is running around somewhere in this apartment with me. It was moving so fast I almost didnt even see it except for the fact that it was. . . MASSIVE!

As if having like a billion legs isn't enough to give me a heart attack, Geji can jump too. Man if that thing jumps on me I think ever organ in my body will fail simultaneously. Ahhh I think I can feel stuff crawling on me I am about to lose it. Someone save me I am too afraid to move. I have this feeling it's just going to fall of the ceiling and latch on to my face and I will run and jump off my friends balcony trying to escape the Geji. I want to find it and kill it, but I don't really want to find it at all. Man I think I am seriously about to start crying. . .

The night before

2009-03-12T01:14:00.004-04:00

Looking West. Thinking East.

I haven't written in a long time (I seem to say that a lot). I wonder if my blog might cripple me as much as it might liberate me? Sure I censor some things on here, but still I do say a lot! So even if you aren't getting the whole story of what's going on you are still getting a good deal and you can add in your own wild fantasy of what I might be doing behind the scenes. I leave for the airport in like 3 hours and I haven't really slept all day I have just been up doing various things, trying to make sure I don't forget something. But you never get everything something will always slip through the crack I just hope it isn't something really important.

My mind is blank one second then the next it will be drowning with thoughts of what all I have done while I have been here in America. One thing that just struck me as interesting is when someone blocks you out from one facet of their life, it can be the smallest thing. It's one thing if they have never shared that part of their life with you EVER. But it's different if they let you share that part of their life with them, and then took it away randomly. I am under the assumption that maybe in my case this person just wants me to just forget about them. I am not sure who all reads this, but my blog will always be open to anyone! But about 3 different people can read this and think I am talking about them. But I am only talking about one of the three. I hope all three read this, and they all think it is them I am referring to. I won't dwell on this any longer.

So I have made this year better than previous years by being aggressive and also by having very little tact. I have to work on that last part, I could always use more tact. I mean people have bended to my will like never before, but I can't say I am all powerful controller of minds. The truth is I never really exerted my will I never tried at all! I would always just be in my own world and let things happen around me without me trying to change outside forces in the slightest. I would just go with the flow, so to speak. Now I am not aggressive to the point were I am an asshole but just aggressive enough to persuade you to do something. And if you said "NO" I would drop it for that day at least, and then possibly bring it up a week later.

So now I am wondering how will my new attitude play out in a foreign country? I can't rely on words in Japan. I have to rely on gestures, and looks (not my physical looks, I am not that vain). I will have to rely on my eyes to determine in which way to proceed, but the eyes are easily tricked. I am guessing I am going to have some interesting times to say the least.

I am so anxious to get back to Japan it's not even funny. I had good times here in America meet some really cool people, but at the end of the day I am just not myself here. I feel like I have to adapt to the status quo somewhat. I still stand out like a sore thumb but I make some effort here, but in Japan I do what I want, when I want. No one criticizes me for how I look or what I like to do, they just step the fuck out of my way and let me be me. I find a lot of people I know in America can be real downers. I have never picked up on all the sarcasm that is going around, some of which is directed solely at me.

Of course I need some examples of such sarcasm directed at me. I give my friend one of my old hoodies which he broke a few weeks earlier. Upon giving it to him he gives it to his girlfriend who is cold. She implies she wants it. Then the sarcasm ensues: "That is supposed to be a MAN'S hoodie". The implications are quite clear I don't have to really have to explain that one out. Of course there were other occasions of similar sarcasm from various people. Right about now I am feeling like I should have went to sleep hours ago haha. It's too late to sleep now, in fact it's too late for a lot of things like going to the doctor, the dentist, and optometrist. I kind of wish I went to at least the doctors office because I could have any number of parasites, diseases, and viruses. But I feel healthy, and I don't have any visible scars or blisters or anything like that so I will give myself a clean bill of health.

The entire time I am writing this my mind is drifting towards what I will do in Japan. What adventures await me in my new city, will I meet a nice young lady? Will I go to any cool concerts? Will I discover some interesting new food? What will happen???

Guess I will have to wait and see. . .

Not only did I not go on a diet. . .

2009-02-22T19:21:00.003-05:00

I tried to grow a beard. . .

So I was thinking I should have went on a diet, but instead I just ate a lot of sweets this weekend. So that diet went very well. But I did have another great weekend ^_^. 2009 has been one of the best years to date! I am actually living up to my New Years resolution, although I can't say I honestly remember what all my resolution entailed since I was pretty drunk when I made it, but I am living up to the parts I do remember quite nicely. The parts I do remember were being more "outgoing", as well to try and stop over analyzing things, and just let what happens, happen. At first I started off very reserved and I was thinking this year was going to be just like last year.

Like when I was talking to Jazzy for those few weeks I was pretty reserved, and I was thinking oh great I am going to blow this. And guess what I did ^_^. I should have been bummed about it, but I wasn't! I tried it was good for awhile then it was all over, had to move on, no use dwelling on anything beyond my control. But I did learn a little bit from that situation, and what I learned was to just try my luck in situations more than I usually do. And since then I would say some great things have come about! I hope my good luck will continue when I go to Tokyo.

In other news I tried to grow a beard but ended up giving up on the whole thing. Some things will never change (sigh). Maybe one day I will have that full beard I dream of.

Should I go on a diet!?!

2009-02-19T06:23:00.005-05:00

Note: picture taken when I weighed 140 lbs.

So a lot has been going on since my last post not because I have been living some crazy acidic lifestyle, but rather because my last post was awhile ago. So on Thursday my bike was built up enough to ride so I went for a ride with a few friends both of which were exhausted to the point of throwing up, but I was just fine I might have been breathing slightly harder but I was completely fine. I want to say two factors caused my friends to be so out of breath A.) They were on freewheel bikes which are a bitch to ride (heavy, unresponsive, just all out crappy) and B.) One of my friends hadn't ridden a bike in awhile. Well going into Thursday night there was a cycling party most of the bikes were fixed gear bikes my friend was on his mountain bike so that is why I say "cycling" party instead of a fixed gear party plus there could have been a few a freewheels in there as well. I have NEVER seen soo many fixed gear bikes in one house it was lovely. And to make the night even better the keg was Bosco's beer I haven't mentioned this before but I absolutely loveeeee Bosco's beer you have to come down here to get it though since it's brewed in the restaurant/bar and it's super fresh and tasty! So the fact there was bikes and Bosco's overshadow the fact it was largely a sausage fest haha. But I mean I don't even know too many girls outside of Japanese girls who ride bikes so yea.

Going into friday I was still partying pretty hard so hard in fact that I lost my phone. Then I kept on partying hard on saturday. So I am taking a hiatus for the rest of this month because I also got my credit card bill and I have been partying a bit to hard I spent like $400 or something going out eating and drinking. Yea it isn't pretty :(

So I have been trying to step up my workouts and get ready for my return to Japan! But I weighed myself yesterday after working out and the scale read 144 to my knowledge this is the heaviest I have ever been in my life (although when I was on that chocolate almond binge I could have weighed more). But then I also like to think I am in the best shape of my life so I am not sure if I should scale back on my eating or not. I mean it's not like I am sitting around eating cheeseburgers everyday. I eat healthy about 80% of the time I will eat the occasional muffin or cookie (hey I got a sweet tooth). So I went here to calculate my Body Mass Index (BMI) and for my height (5'10") and my weight (144 lbs.) I came out with 20.7 . Average for that height and weight is 18.5 - 24.9 so I am average so that is good. But BMI isn't the best measurement of general health so I want to go to the doctor to get my Body fat percentage test, an STD test, and possibly find out my blood type (so I will know when asked this question in Japan). So what do you guys think should I go on a diet and work out more or am being obsessively healthy.

Are you going to eat the rest of that baby?

2009-01-31T18:09:00.002-05:00

Ahhh I love how I can't ever resist anything. I am very easily tempted. I told myself I wasn't going to drink last night and I wasn't going to, but of course I found an excuse to drink, and so I did. I don't regret my decision to drink one bit. I got to drink with Brandon who I rarely see, and that was the reason for the season. Also Brandon's gal Amanda (Fitz as she is commonly called) is currently over in Spain freaking the hell out. He was telling me this and I remembered when I freaked out when I first got to Japan. The memories hit me so hard that I freaked out just remembering about freaking out. I gave Fitz some words of encouragement since I have been through what she is going through. Except I think my case might have been slightly worse. I had no one to pick me up at the Airport and if you ever fly into Tokyo and arrive in Narita airport it is MASSSIVE! Narita literally looks like it is half the size of the entire city of Memphis. There seems to be a million people running to get where they are going, and I was just kind of standing in the way pissing everyone off since I didn't actually think WHAT I was going to do when I got to Tokyo. I ended up having to catch a bus it took like 3 hours to get on a bus I thought might be the right one, and then once I got on the bus I didn't know where to get off everything was in Japanese. Looking back I have no freaking idea how I made it to where I was supposed to be. I wished I had someone to pick me up at the airport to help me out, but I got nothing.

I am just going to dedicate this whole blog to Fitz. And say going overseas is the best decision you can possibly make it let's you grow up ALOT! I am not the same person I was before I left for Japan, and I like the person I have become. Everyday will be an adventure, and once you meet someone to show you around you will discover all the sweet things to do in your new host country. Including sampling the local alcoholic beverages ^_^. I remember when I was going to go to a wine tasting festival in Japan, but I tasted a little too much beer before hand and ended up missing the whole thing. But most importantly being overseas forces you wayyyy out of your comfort zone. It's like having your body just held 3 inches away from the surface of the sun, as it sears an scorches your flesh. You have NO ONE to rely on it's just you and only you. No lifelong friends, no family nearby, no derelict zombie babies, NOTHING. So hang in there Fitz, and don't use that blank plane ticket I hear you have. You have it way easier than I did trust me, I couldn't even buy a plane ticket home from Japan I had to call home and have my mom buy a ticket in my name. So don't be a pussy man the hell up!

I just can't remember

2009-01-30T15:35:00.002-05:00

This is what I looked like writing this blog

So last night I wasn't planning on going out and doing anything it was a freakin Thursday. Well as I laid around doing nothing I received a phone call from Chris, he told me people were up at the Young Ave. Deli. I figured ehh why not, might as well head up there. I am glad I did I saw tons of people who I had no idea were in town. Nick was there from the army Julie was there (I could have sworn she had left with Bradley), and a few other peeps were there, some I hadn't met before. Last night I wasn't going to do a lot of things I wasn't going to drink or anything like that, but once again I was like ehh why not. I hadn't really done anything this week other than go to the gym and workout.

So obviously I got really drunk and had a pretty good time. Which is good because I definitely don't plan on doing anything tonight. When I got back home I made a sandwich, and it reminded me of Jazzy. I have no idea why a sandwich could possibly remind me of anybody, but at the time I thought it was clever. I really wish I knew what it was about the sandwich that reminded me of her lol. It's killing me now I need to know. And she is the young lass I mentioned a little while back.

It is interesting how people meet sometimes. In the case of me and her, someone was harassing her friend, so that drove her to come sit next to me on the pool table. It was totally unexpected. I had spent the night "lady watching", meaning I would just glance around and think man I should ask her out or her out. But I didn't make any effort to approach any of the women out that night. But in the end I didn't have to because one approached me. And I definitely noticed Jazzy and her friend they kind of lit up the dingy bar. So we hung out quite a bit before she went back to Miami for school. I wouldn't really say we are "an item" and she is my girlfriend, but that's not to say I wouldn't like to say she is. Jazzy is a beautiful girl for sure. I just wish I had told her that before she left.

In fact we went to A Tan to eat lunch one day and I had so much I wanted to do and tell her that day, but I didn't do any of that. It's weird how I will plan things out meticulously sometimes then I won't do anything I plan out at all. In this case I was going to run up to her and give her a big hug and a kiss and then tell her, "You need to STOP! (pause for dramatic effect) looking so beautiful!", super corny I know. And then I was going to spend the rest of the day chillin with my little Jazzy. But I didn't do any of my plan I definitely was way more reserved :(. I don't know I kind of wish I did do what I planned out, but at the same time I wonder if that would have come across awkward. But of course I don't think I will ever know, UNLESS Jazzy happens to be reading this, and she tells me herself how it would come across. And now I wonder who all exactly reads my blog? I know about 10 or so people that read this little blog of mine, but who are the others?! TELL ME!!!!!!!!

I have changed a lot through these years. .

2009-01-23T16:45:00.002-05:00

I am reflecting on who I once was and who I am now, and I must say I have changed pretty dramatically. It wasn't an overnight thing it was a gradual change through the years. I am still the same in some aspects but overall I have made big changes to who I am. I remember being a nerd in high school telling people not to drink and smoke and then I ended up in the same boat with them, I have quite the taste for a good beer! I am still a nerd though. Except my nerdiness focuses on cycling related things, like how many gear inches can I effectively push. And yes I have an Excel spreasheet of Gear inches and skid patches! I want to try and go forward with no regrets, but I am not even sure if that is possible; unless I can somehow see the consequences of each and every decision I make before I make the decision. I am no psychic, so that means I will live with regrets. People could guess pretty easily what most of my regrets are centered around. . .. relationships.

Failed relationships, relationships that could have been, and relationships that were never meant to be. But I know my path in life keeps me scattering around, never wanting to stay in one place for too long. I guess it's my way of rebelling against what seems to me to be the norm here in Memphis, a sedentary existence. I just can't see myself living in Memphis, or much of the United States for that matter, for any extended period of time. So that really doesn't leave me much chance at any worthwhile relationships but I try anyway haha. I should quote a Radiohead song here "You do it to yourself, just you, just you and no one else". And you know what I live the stereotypical bachelor existence, at times I am really happy with just me but then sometimes I am really down. At times when the sun is shining and I am on my bike listening to some Jimi Hendrix with the wind in my face I am super happy, it let's me escape plus I have the thrill of knowing if I slip and fall the car behind me will crush me into oblivion. And YES, I have slipped before and almost been crushed, it was exhilarating! I am not Suicidal but one of my hats would lead you to think otherwise ^_^.

So I will say that next week is going to be a big week for me in fact this weekend "has" the potential to be a big weekend. I will expound upon the weekend first. Last night there was a spoken word event downtown this was my 2nd time going. And people (ladies) definitely noticed me the first time, oblivious to me. So when I went this second time I was a hot commodity, one young lass went so far as to offer me a romp in her bed with her! But I turned her offer and al subsequent offers down. You are probably thinking "WHAT!?! Isn't that exactly what you have wanted this whole time?". And I would answer NO! I want someone who will be there for the long term. I want to wake up with my significant other by my side. When I go out on bike rides I want her right there with me, even if she isn't as strong of a rider and can't keep up, I will slow down and ride right beside her, because no one wants to be left behind. Things can surely develop from a one night stand as this film showcases nicely. And seeing that trailer for that movie kind of made me sad and wonder what is out there. I mean I believe in fate like somethings in my life line up VERY eerily like to the point where I wonder if maybe a spirit (like of my dad) is secretly guiding me along. An example that happened earlier was after watching that trailer I laid back and said why can't I meet a really cute girl who rides a bike.

On my way to buy some Malt Liquor I saw the cutest girl ever on a sweet little bike. My heart sank because I don't have my bike and I wouldn't dare talk to a cyclist I am attracted to in my car :(. Funny thing is I was wondering if I did know her for a split second I thought she was Abby, but she wasn't (notice how I didn't say "it wasn't").

Moving on to next week. Next week I have an interview for a freakin sweet job in South Korea!! I am talking like OMG I want this job sweet. If I get the job I get 30k a year USD, a free furnished apartment, they pay for my airfare, and I can come to work in casual attire SWEETNESSS!!!! I am going to try harder for this job than anything I have done in my life, but I have to keep my composure can't come across as a needy person. So that interview is on Monday, and then on Tuesday I have my interview for the Peace Corps, which should be a breeze. I have been overseas before and instead of getting sick I worked out even harder than I think I may ever have, although I am working out pretty hard now in anticipation of my new bike. I am going to end this blog by saying thanks to everyone I have met through my life. I want to thank one person in particular though, she is going to be shocked I know. . .

But Carol I want to thank you!! No matter what decision I make you are behind me 100% you are the greatest! Sometimes even my own sister questions my logic haha, but Angelique knows I love her with all my heart, and I am sure she loves me with all her heart we are about as close as a brother and sister who live in different places/parts of the world can be. But Carol if everything goes well before I leave for South Korea we should definitely go out for a few drinks. And while I am overseas (if I get the job) I will keep you, and my little sister in my heart <3.

Aww yea!

2009-01-19T21:53:00.002-05:00

I love this pic!

So here we are Monday January 19, 2009, and tomorrow Barack Obama will be sworn into office. Just in high school I thought something like this would never happen in my lifetime and now it is about to happen ^_^. People are still bitter and I still don't like the southern coast of the US as a result of people's ignorance. A mind is like a parachute it only works when it is open! I literally just read several things on facebook where people were praying for Obama to fall down the steps during the inauguration and one person was praying that he gets shot tonight. And that is another problem religion. People who know me are well aware of the fact I am pretty much non religious, almost atheist. Let's just say my religious status on facebook should say "It's complicated". But I do believe in the first rule of atheism which states: "Don't do the same dumb shit to other atheist that religious people do to each other".

Let's face it religious beliefs are the cause of so much persecution, death, and wars in human civilization. I don't have to point out any specific examples because we all know TONS of examples. With that said I think Christians are probably amongst the worst, yes I said it. I encounter tons of Christians here in the South and the ones I have encountered are all the hugest hypocrites I have ever met. Amongst the Christians I have encountered were quite a few racists, some adulterous, and tons who were just plain ignorant. I mean how are you supposed to be a "Christian" if you are praying to God for somebody to die? Isn't the Christian faith about tolerance and love of your fellow man? I think some wires got crossed somewhere. I just love how self righteous most Southern Christians can get, it is highly amusing as they chastise me or other minorities and other religious faiths. I can go on and on about this but I am going to say some of what I think of.

I obviously don't go to a church, but if I am not quite an atheist what do I believe in? I believe in ghosts I have tried several times to see them but to no avail, I may have seen one when I was younger but I think it might have been an old raincoat blowing in a fan. And the only reason I say this is because I will sometimes sit alone in a dark room and watch ghost videos on youtube and freak myself out, and get scared haha. And as far as the after life, I don't think we die so much as we comprehend something that is otherwise incomprehensible. I know you are like umm this guy has to be high that makes no sense, but I assure you I am not. To explain ask yourself this question: What is nothing?

If I ask most people they will say it's just a dark void, or sometimes a white void. But those are both things they are voids of a solid color. But absolute nothingness is something that the human brain cannot fathom, and the only way you can fathom this is to die. This thought is always creeping in my mind that when we die it's just absolute nothingness, but I want to believe the afterlife is what you want it to be, and I don't want nothingness to be my afterlife (I use the term "afterlife" loosely). And at a young age I was afraid to die because you don't want your life to end (unless you are suicidal and then you do). But now I don't even think I am afraid of death, because that fear kept me from enjoying life. But I am not completely reckless though, I do want to at least live till 12/12/12 to see if the world is going to end as the Mayan civilizations has me to believe. That's what I am most excited about more than even President Obama, it's what might happen in 2012. I have tons of ideas of what could happen running through my mind some based in scientific fact others just absurd crap I made up. But the anticipation is killing me. So maybe I am a nihilist then. I think I am worshipping a means to an end. . .

I am pissed!

2009-01-09T10:42:00.003-05:00

This is ridiculous. In the past I would look at stuff like this from a distance it wouldn't really affect me at all. But this struck a chord with me, and not a good one. There was no reason for that BART officer to pull out a gun on that guy. I mean the guy was face down on the ground handcuffed, what kind of threat could he really have been. It is the freaking BART!! I can't think of many crimes involving public transportation where murder is the appropriate justice. I don't care what that guy did whatever it was he didn't deserve to be murdered. I just looked up the officer's name and it seems that Alameda County has a history of cops shooting unarmed suspects.

The officer's name is Johannes Mehserle, clearly he was abusing his power and was a complete fucking idiot, when he pulled out that gun and fatally shot Oscar Grant III (the victim). What is even more fucked up is instead of being a man about it and going in when he was asked to speak on the incident this dick resigned!!! Way to be responsible for your own actions asshole. I am not a hateful person but I am just fed up with seeing cops abuse there power here in the US. I was always under the impression cops were here to "Protect and Serve" but it seems there purpose is to murder unarmed people in cold blood. I really hope that Officer Mehserle gets what is coming to him. And I am sorry that shit like this "accidently" keeps happening. I think city leaders need to start looking at situations like this and start training their police forces better, because from where I am standing it looks like any schmuck can walk in and pick up a badge and a gun and be shooting people in no time.

I was talking to my friend Landon about it and he said that's called "Shock and Awe". Which means police just kill random people to try to scare other people from committing crimes, instead of actually solving criminal cases and preventing further criminal acts. Landon even went so far as to show me several examples of "accidental" shootings in his city. I think this is one of the reasons I don't watch the news; well this and the fact that American news is fearing mongering garbage.

In other news I have meet a really cool girl recently, and I am sure that somehow I am going to mess this golden opportunity up, being the unsmooth guy I am. More on that later ^_^.

". . .Maybe he celebrates Kwanza. . ."

2008-12-24T02:55:00.001-05:00

Ahh finally got some free time to write a bit. So I guess I will start off by explaining the title. I went to a party with a few of my friends. The party wasn't really all that spectacular in fact it was a pretty big let down. But the funny part was when I was leaving. My friends girlfriend told me "Merry Christmas", and some smart ass nearby said, "maybe he is Jewish, maybe he celebrates Kwanza" I couldn't help but laugh a little bit, because he beat me to my own punch line! I was about to say that exact same thing just to catch her off guard, but I wasn't quick enough on the draw. I will be quicker next time. It is part joke and part ways to keep people informed of other cultures and ideas. Like everyone just says "Merry Christmas" by default, just assuming everyone is a Christian.

So I was out last night at Celtic getting drunk and getting crunk saw a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time. Don't even remember who all I saw but I know I saw them. Some of them are looking really good. I find that about maybe 50% of people I know from high school put on a lot of weight when they went to school. Guess it was the "freshmen 15" or something. Which I never understood if anything I lost weight freshmen year, just sitting around eating ramen and sleeping probably weighed about 130 lbs. freshmen year now I weigh about 145, but it's not fat though thank goodness for good genes, a love of cycling, and exercising. But I am glad in particular to see one person last night. I will not mention her name on her, but in high school she had an eating disorder and was always in the hospital. But now I think she has a more positive body image, and has become a beautiful young lass, I am happy that she no longer has to suffer through her disorder and can finally live her life. And speaking of living a life. . .

I need to decide what I am going to do while I wait to go into the Peace Corps. I am torn between getting a job and an apartment in Atlanta, or possibly going back to Japan or Hong Kong to live. I guess I will try for Atlanta now possibly, since it is the closet option and therefore the easier of the 3 to pursue. Plus as a bonus there is a really sweet cycling shop there that I want to check out. Hmmm decisions, decisions. . .

Why wait!?!

2008-12-06T21:28:00.007-05:00

Photo by Emily.

So last week around 4am as I was about to lay down to go to sleep, I heard a crash. Being the curious individual I am I decided to have a look out of my window to see what all the commotion was about, I was suprised to find two guys breaking into my neighbors car! As I watched at the scene unfolding in the street I thought about the current situation in America and how hopeless America seems now. Everyday I watch the news some large corporation or organization needs a "Bailout". What exactly are we "bailing out"? I am not for most of the bailouts personally I don't think we should hand out money to ill managed organizations. Just let them deal with failure it's a part of life. Of course it would suck for all the people who will lose there job but I am kind of apathetic to them, and there shallow lives, working in their cubicles with there average salaries. It sounds harsh I know, but they do serve a purpose I need these shallow office workers to restrain themselves so that I can reach out for my dreams. Not everyone can live there dreams. Shit I might not be able to live out mine but I will try as hard as I possibly F U C K I N can.

So speaking of reaching out for what I believe in, I am talking to an old college friend on AIM (my s/n is Vorgovnax) and he was telling me it's good that I want to help out the environment, but that I could do it here in the United States, so I should "think twice" about the Peace Corps. Sure I could work with the environment here in the US, in fact I applied to multiple positions from the EPA to the Forestry commission, but I got turned down. And of course I did, because I don't have any experience. Because in my rose tinted glasses I forgot that you need years of experience to be able to help out in the environment. Not just anyone can help the less fortunate it takes years of experience. I am saying that to be half a smart ass and half realist. But that always makes me think of the never ending cycle of "experience". Like you need experience to get pretty much every job even the "entry level" positions. Not exactly "entry level if you need 3 years of specialized sales experience in an electronics industry. You pretty much need experience to get experience it's impossible.

So I now I can see why life is a rat races people just running around blindly after the money to "Ball". You got ta ball dawg! You ain't living life if you ain't ballin ya dig playboy? Got to have a fresh set off kicks, some spinning rims, and a fancy ass phone if you want to get the hoes son! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY??? FUCK THAT SHIT!

Although I am not exempt from this myself. I do like to ride a fly ass bike! But last time I checked you don't get much play from the ladies if you are on a bike no matter how funky phresh it is. So having a fly bike is really just for my own aesthetic taste.

Let me tell you a story that happened a few years back. Once upon a time I was in Young Avenue Deli here in Memphis, TN having a few brews. When a girl walked up to me and my then less flaky friend Cameron. She said Hello to both of us but then after talking for a little bit she isolated me and proceed to have a very flirty conversation with me. So right before things got serious she said, "stand up for a second I want to check you out".

I guess she wanted to make sure I was worthy enough to share a bed with her later on in the evening. So she looked me up and down and like what she saw, until. . .she saw my shoes! That's right people women apparently do look at your shoes. So then she said, "Ohh my god those shoes are soo old and tattered! I would never fuck you if you wear shoes like that!"

Then her shallowness hit me like a freight train. So I said, "okay glad I found this out now, I mean I wouldn't want to sleep with someone so shallow. . ." then I paused to look around at the shoes everyone in the bar was wearing to point her in a good direction. I saw a guy wearing a pair of shiny Nikes, and I said, "well his shoes sure are fancy I guess he might be more of what you are looking for". My young female companion stormed off to go talk with someone else, obviously angered by my frankness. But her night obviously ended in failure, as I soon found her talking to me once again as I was standing outside taking in the night air. She asked me if I wanted to go back to her place! I was shocked of course because my tattered mocassins weren't up to her standards before, and I am sure her standards didn't change in the span of an hour or two. So assumed her night was met with bitter disappointment, as she found no one in the whole bar that night wearing shoes good enough to warrant going home with her. So here she was back with old tattered mocassin man. I tried to tell her I wasn't interested but this pissed her off, heaven forbid a man in mocassins turn her down!

So then she went on about how she lost her phone and I stole it ( to try and create a scene). So then she demanded I take her back to her place so I could at least help her find her phone, at this point the other by standers were interested in her irate rant and were wondering if I did steal her phone (I mean I am a minority in the south it's highly likely). So then she said "if I don't find my phone right now I am going to go home and smoke this joint!", if that was her idea of threatening me it didn't work I was unafraid as ever.

So then I made a joke back to her, something along the lines of: "If I don't find my diaphragm right now I am going to smoke this blunt".

So that pushed her over the edge, and as she stormed off she said, "What the fuck ever I am going to drive off in my Passat go smoke my dro and drink my wine you broke bitch. . .you probably don't even know what a diaphragm smells like!"

Everyone else standing around eavesdropping started chuckling, at the insanity of that comment. Like I should be ashamed at never having smelled a used diaphragm. I guess my life is a sham then since here I am at age 22 and I have yet to smell some strange woman's diaphragm! I might as well ride on my bike as fast as I can against traffic and end my sad life. . .

So anyway let me end this buy going back to my AIM conversation. So I told my friend the following little thought: Why work 30 years to try to save up for retirement?? That's what everyone does it seems. It is like a tunnel vision. As soon as we start preparing for college we are brain washed by our parents, guidance counselors, and teachers to get a good high paying job so you can retire with money saved up, so we can travel the world and go to exotic locations!!! Ummm. . . why wait!?! Why should I throw away my prime years in a cubicle getting arthritis and writing reports for policies and finances I don't give a flying shit about? Why can't I just do my traveling now while I am young, why wait till I am in pain and old? It seems dumb to me, and that's why I am not going to put it off I am going to travel while I am young. Sure I probably won't ever have a serious relationship through out my 20s since I am not a sedentary individual and therefore not a good candidate for a serious relationship. I mean what woman wants a long term relationship with someone who plans on just traveling to other countries and staying away for months or even years at a time? And even if someone does want to do that, they also have to come to terms with the fact that I still have old tattered mocassins! Sorry ladies and everyone else I wear what I like to wear, if you want to sneer at me or call me gay or whatever go right ahead it doesn't faze me in the slightest. If it did I would be another clone out here in the streets wearing baggy jeans and tall tees. . .

Me, myself, and I. . .

2008-11-30T20:17:00.006-05:00

What a holiday it has been. I have learned soo much in such a short amount of time it is astounding. It also makes me envy (almost) the ignorant. The ignorant masses who just buy into what their predecessors tell them about the world, never making any firm decisions for themselves. In a way this blog is for them.

Before I start this blog I don't know if I can even finish it, there is just so much to be said. There is so much to talk about in fact that I doubt I will be able to top this blog in terms of sheer emotion for awhile to come. And if I do have more emotional moments in my life I hope they are happy. In fact I am tempted to just put everything out there on the line in this one, and I just might. So without further ado let's begin. . .

So I have been back living in America for awhile and the veil of friendliness and fun has faded, leaving me with a reality more bitter than I ever knew it to be. But surely the things around me have always been like this and I was just so optimistic in the past that I was walking around oblivious in my own self made land of happiness and gum drops. But life has worn me down over the years leaving me with shattered fragments of a past I thought I had but was all just bullshit. Like I have no idea how this reality has just crept up on me so suddenly. So what is this reality!?! Let's break it down into 4 categories family, friend, "relationships" and lastly myself.

Family: I always thought my family was a model family, always about education and good morals. I thought that everyone was there to build up the next member of the family not kick them while they are going through hard times. What I found out since being back for a few weeks is far from the truth. First there was some talk about what I was going to do next with my life. My grandmother made a joke at my expense saying, "Ohh he is going to be just like Aunt Monique just jobless and hopeless, hahaha". What the hell kind of shit is that? I was angry at such a hateful remark. With that remark she had pretty much offended 2 family members at once. Then there was another joke made by her at my cousin Greg's expense. Greg is having "relationship problems" with his girlfriend. So when she once again didn't come to one of his family functions it was pointed out in a joking fashion to a room full of family members. Again what the fuck. And my mom is always so worked up about me and my sister. I know my mom means well, but she is just way to conservative for my tastes. Well it isn't that she is conservative it's just she is old fashioned and believes in what I believe to be dated practices. But I still love my mother even though we always have clashes here and there. I try not to give her a hard time but it is inevitable. There were some other small family quarrels and little unnecessary comments made but I won't dwell on it for too long. But I still love my family dearly just surprised that I could have been so wrong in my thoughts of the. And I don't mean everyone in my family because some are just as sweet and caring as I thought they were.

Friends: Definitely the most alarming and disappointing realization are the ones concerning my "friends". I mean you get to chose your friends! So when I came to my senses on my friends it hurt the most because I wanted to keep believing in the fantasy illusions concerning my friends. When it came to my friends I could keep deluding myself for just a little bit longer. But I realized I couldn't keep telling myself lies forever, I would have to face the reality sooner or later. Like when Cameron avoided my calls or public interactions with me, I told myself oh he is just busy. I didn't tell myself the truth which I knew, oh he is inconvenienced when he hangs out with me. How is he inconvenienced by me though!?! We'll we took different paths in our lives he became a frat guy and I became a hippie, those two types only get together when there is a drug deal to be made. The other guys in his frat probably don't like me and as a result Cameron must not either. You know the whole "Mob mentality". When I went to Nashville Cameron was there too but we didn't drive together I went with Chris and Charles. And Cameron went with Sam and frat guy #4. Frat guy #4 made a comment about my pants at the show, something along the lines of how tight they were. Too which I responded thanks for that observation anything else I should know about my wardrobe? I mean I didn't know he was the fashion police. That probably pissed him off so then Cameron made a comment about it as well, to reassert his position in the frat (like a wolf reasserts himself in the pack). Then they got pissed off when other people at the concert complemented me on one of my many silly hats. At that point they came to the conclusion that since other people at this concert liked my individuality both the men and women, that "everyone at this show must be a bunch of fags". Sweet generalization right?

So Saturday night I had my illusion of my friends flipped upside down and set on fire, like a Ford Expedition driving on Firestone tires (the ones that explode). The night started with me eating a sandwich and drinking a beer by myself (tell you why in "relationships"). After that some shit went down at Bradley's house which involved a drunken guy going ape shit beating and kicking Bradley's door, yelling about some money or something. And before that Charles completely ate shit on my fixed gear bike. So those events were exciting and I had a lot of hope for the rest of the night after having such a lonely and crummy start. So the plan was to go to Margaret sister's house for a party. It would turn out to be like either my 3rd or 4th redneck party, and the racial tension was so thick I could have turned it into a soup. I walked in wearing my raccoon skin hat, and instantly pissed a bunch of people off. I didn't quite pick up on the racism at this point but I immediately got grilled on it. One of the women there said "why are you wearing that hat?".

To which I replied, "I just like to wear silly hats". Then she turned and whispered what I had just said to someone sitting next to her like I wasn't speaking in English. And the whispers continued as I went back to say hello to Mary and to get a beer. Some of the guys followed me back I guess to make sure I didn't steal anything or rape any of the women! So then I was starting to realize "hmmm something isn't quite right here". So in the back room one of the women who had been divorced at least once (as was everyone else there) took a fancy too me. And started up a kind of flirty conversation with me about China. She had seen my video of my apartment but lumped Japan in with China in an ignorant fashion (you know all dem' asians shall do look a like). I forgave her stupidity on the matter and didn't see it as racist because she didn't really know me so maybe it was a common mistake!?! So one of the guys who had followed me back went ahead and put a stop to our conversation with this little number: "You get hit on in China only to come back to get hit on in Memphis! Guess you two are going to run off into the Jungle together?". This was followed by a painfully awkward silence before someone asked about a movie that was playing on the TV in the room. Then Margaret lead me and Chris back to the front room where I made some small talk in an attempt at being nice. I said something about the Zip Line they had in the back yard, and where it ended. The answer I got was "Ohh that Zip Line goes to Africa, you should get on it"! Then one of the guys made a comment about how the party could not possibly go on with me there, obviously hinting at maybe using force to eject me from the party. At this point I realized that I was trapped in a house full of angry divorced rednecks! And then like clockwork Obama was brought up!

"First they take over the White House and now they are coming into our homes, these people must be crazy".

And similar comments were made all night. But wait a minute here some of the people at this party were my friends, people I had have known for years, surely they would take my side and save me. WRONG! Almost all of my friends said off handed remarks to me as well, as if this whole situation was my fault! Gauging by how drunk and angry people were I am sure that the party wasn't too "merry" even before my arrival. So it was convenient (for them at least) for me to arrive at the party because then they could pin all that was wrong in their failed lives and marriages on me. Before I got there they could just be angry at each other for all the fucked up shit that happened, but once I came then they had a common grievance. . .ME! I can imagine them thinking unanimously, "Boy I sure do hate my life and the way it turned out and I hate everyone else here, but if it's one thing I hate more than all of that it's a nigger!". So I was disappointed, to say the least, in my "friends". But I supposed I could see where they were coming from some of my attackers were there family members and family comes first! So based on their environment alone they had to adapt and that adapting meant attacking me.

It kind of hurts though I have known some of these people for 9 years almost half my life, and they turned on me in an instant. Well sorry guys if I ruined your night, and "inconvenienced" you. . . I suppose it was only okay to be my friend when we were younger, but now that we are adults it isn't "okay" to have minority friends. Oh and I am not sure if it was because she was really drunk or what, but Meg was my only friend who didn't say anything off handed. And I have only known Meg for a short while yet she turned out to be the most dependable! I will never forget you now Meg. Nor your legs in those shorts!! ^_^

"Relationships": Good ole' Saturday night, what a night it was! Woke up hungry with nothing to eat (right after Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday!). So I decided I should go out have a beer and get something to eat and enjoy some good conversation with some people. So I texted Brandon first to see if he was down for pizza and beer, then I texted Kendra with the same inquiry figuring the more the merrier, and also because on Thanksgiving night I kind of left Amanda's apartment abruptly, which is where Kendra was. But coming from partying it up in midtown to lame ass CBU, where it is just 2 people laying down on a couch is a definite downer (for me at least). So I hope if they are reading they can understand my logic I wanted to party it up not sit on a couch and watch TV. So anyway Brandon texted me saying that he couldn't come because he was broke. But Kendra could come, so I was happy because at least someone was coming and I felt I kind of owed it to her more than anyone else. I don't mean that to sound full of myself and saying I am doing her a favor by letting her eat pizza with me. It's just my interactions with her are eerily similar to my interactions with my ex-girlfriend Marjorie. And I hated how things went between me and Marjorie, I still do hate how things went. She would give up so much for me but when it was time for me to make sacrifices for her I either complained or just plain flaked out. Everything bad about that relationship was because of me, I saw my mistakes, but made no effort to correct them. And now all I can think of is how foolish I was and still am. I told myself that I wouldn't be the same way again in another relationship, but I have and haven't been the same. I have been pretty much the same, but my loophole here is that I haven't had another "girlfriend" just interactions so I can somehow justify it that way. Somehow I find justification in acting just as callous now as I did then.

So anyway when the time came I called Kendra and she didn't answer so later on I sent her a text as I sat by myself eating a sandwich and drinking a Black & Tan. Realizing that I would probably not see her or Brandon tonight I called Marjorie to try one more time to salvage anything that was left, but she deserves something better, and I think at this point we both know it. As much as I would like to say I have tried I won't know it for sure until I am in an official relationship. So in a way I wanted Marjorie and me to get back together so I could give back to her what she had given to me, and to test myself to see if I had really grown as a person or was I just deluding myself some more. But I am going to just let Marjorie go and hope with all my heart she ends up happy in her life, with someone that will sacrifice everything they have just to be by her side. Meanwhile I hope I find someone so foolish to do something similar with me.

And I am still crippled by my fickleness, and mood swings. Like before I left for Japan I was talking with Kendra a bit and things were a bit rocky, but it was good overall. When I thought back about the situation in Japan I was happy. But then fast forward to the next time I am in town and I was let down, and a bit angry. I saw Kendra again for only a short time and I was disappointed when I tried to get Kendra to come hang out with me at my place and she said no. So when I left this time and started reflecting in Japan I just remember disappointment, and that would go on to affect the next meeting which has already transpired, which wasn't too good either. Once again I am most likely 100% at fault here. And I am not sure if I care anymore about even trying with these relationships. I am so sheltering of my feelings and don't want to get hurt so much that I sometimes avoid happy moments, out of fear of the inevitable moments of sadness and melancholy those happy times will come with. But all that leaves me with is just sad times though.

Myself: So all of this makes me look at myself again. Seeing my friends turn on me and seeing my family act in a way so bizzare to me made me think that I should just withdraw completely into myself. Let's face it life is crummy so why should you let other people's crummy lives bring down your own? Why not just deal with your own bullshit life by yourself? I want to hope this is possible that I can just go to the Peace Corps and be all alone just me and nature, but I don't even know, anymore. A VERY large part of me wants to just pick up and leave Memphis for good and just leave behind most of the people I have meet here and just cut off ties and start fresh. I want nothing more now than to start over and make new friends and new potential girl friends, and forget about all the heartache here. But that is always my answer, when stuff gets me down I just turn tail and run away. That was always my answer to just run away, but this time I am going to try to stand firm and fight, I will get tired of running eventually. But if I feel that I will lose I will run again and lick my wounds until the next battle. It's always better to live to fight another day. But no matter how bad it seems I am happy to have just the hardships I have in my life, because I know that somewhere else in the world the last problem someone has to worry about is whether to find new friends or not. But with that said I am seriously thinking of just withdrawing into myself for awhile. . .

RIP Myspace

2008-11-25T11:58:00.002-05:00

Keeping it short for now. But I cancelled my myspace account in an effort to get rid of extraneous crap in my life I don't really need. Plus I barely even used my Myspace account so I am glad to be able to end it. And I have decided on the Peace Corps. And I have received criticisms from many people on my choice. But it is MY choice and my life so it doesn't matter. But I always welcome constructive criticisms. And I am glad that most of the criticisms I have received were backed with sound arguments. Now I just need to get those other 2 recommendations and send in my application. . .

The revelation

2008-11-21T01:14:00.005-05:00

Don't you just love the South?

So first of all I wanted to say that this week has been filled with some of the most enjoyable days I think I have had ever!! On tuesday I went out on a bike ride with 3 other bikers. It was the biggest bike group I had ridden with ever (in Japan it was usually just me). That statement can be misconstrued I have ridden with a large number of people before but I wouldn't count that because those rides were for transportation only, moving from point A to point B. But the ride tuesday was just for the ride. Needless to say it was quite cold and I had on no socks, as is usual for me. And yesterday I went to Nashville to see Kings of Leon. I must say yesterday was an excellent day just because things went right, like almost everything that could have gone right for me did. So I had one insanely fun day and one day where things just went my way all day long. ^_^

I am not going to talk too much about those two days and all the fun I had because there is something more pressing. I called this blog revelation for a reason. So in all these days zipping around doing what ever fun things I can find and burning through my cash reserves (thanks to my new bike project), I realized that something was wrong. I didn't just realize that something was wrong I always knew subconsciously. . .

So for the past week or so my vision for my future was split into two different visions: either moving to California or going to Eastern Europe in the Peace Corps. Moving to California is what I really want to do, in fact I wanted to do that when I was in college before the whole Japan idea. So then why is my vision split between my real aspiration and something so foreign?

Before I answer that I have to examine the Peace Corps with one thing in context. The context here is that I love traveling and experiencing new cultures, but I find other cultures are best to just "experience" it is hard to complete adapt to a whole new culture all at once, it taxes all your mental and physical capacities all at once. I am not saying that it is impossible just that it's not something I could do at this point in my life. So with a frame of reference laid out let's look at the Peace Corps.

If I went with the Peace Corps I would get to travel to a new location for 2 years and make a difference in the lives of other people. As a volunteer in the Peace Corps I wanted to do work dealing with the environment since getting into biking I have become a real hippie and now I am all about saving the environment and getting more people on bikes and off of cars. But I have no idea how to get a foot into the door in the environmental industry. So the Peace Corps was going to be my ticket. But as much as I care about the environment there are arrangements in the Peace Corps that are in no way realistic to someone as myself. I am not going to elevate myself falsely into some selfless saviour of the derelict members of society (I may be a derelict myself haha).

So now let's examine these "arrangements" which may or may not exist because I am pretty sure these are all on a case by case basis, but being the overall pessimistic optimist I am I usually just assume I will get screwed. So I assumed that my conditions would be all the worst. This would mean that I would have to live with a host family the whole time I was there, the roads would be unpaved and be horrible for fixed gear cycling, and I would probably get there and either get sick or want to leave. The first is by far the worst of the 3 things I just listed. There is no way I could live with a host family I would never be able to relax I would always try to go out of my way to create a harmonious environment and give back to them, since they would take me into there home and would undoubtedly not have much. I mean the Peace Corps isn't sending me on vacation I would be going to 3rd world countries to help out, countries like Kyrgyzstan and Azerbaijan. The other 2 aren't as bad I could make some conversions to my bike to make it an off road fixie, and I am a veteran of living overseas now so I could probably cope better a 2nd time around. And I am not even factoring in language here and my ability to communicate with the locals that is a big thing too, but the 1st hurdle of the host family is just not realistic, as selfless as I strive to be I know that something just going against my character. And after spending so much time looking at myself I can say that living with a host family is a catalyst for disaster for me.

So why then is this the Peace Corps even an option for me? If my dream truly is to go to California, why not just lock my sights on California and make it happen!?!

Well not too long ago I had a conversation with Lucifer about somethings, and he brought me to my senses. And no I am not talking about that Lucifer but rather a friend I have from New York. It took him shoving my own shit down my throat to make me snap out of my stupidity and realize what drives me. Lucifer told me that I make irrational decisions! He said "going to Eastern Europe is dumb you already had one bad experience overseas so why waste time doing it again?".

Then I came back with some bullshit about loving to travel and it would be different somehow this time. It genuinely could, but he called me out for saying bullshit. It was at that point I wanted to just weasel out of the conversation I was being forced to deal with my own inane crap, and I just wanted to turn tail and run. But I didn't I stayed in the conversation because I was curious as to where it might lead. And boy am I glad I hung around that was the biggest moment of clarity ever for me! The first was when I was talking to Shianna, who is quite a bit younger than me, but wise beyond her years. Well Shianna just gave me advice I drew my own clarity from her straightforwardness. Lucifer's moment of clarity was more abstract and indirect which might have lead it to being a bigger sense of clarity. Lucifer had taken something I always knew deep down, something so familiar, and made it abstract to me. He had in essence made me look at myself in a funhouse mirror, in particular the one that stretches you out and makes you look really tall and important.

After talking to Lucifer I realized clearly what my real dream is. It's not to go off jet setting to some foreign country and learning a new language in order to have a life there, it's not just settling for something or just giving up hope and becoming bitter, nor is it going to California. Although I enjoy all of those things and would do any of them in a heart beat. But those aren't dreams those are just aspirations, side distractions that make my real dream possible. And that dream is to get out of Memphis. . .

I didn't just realize this I always knew I didn't like the south and it's ultra conservative mindset. As David Cross said, "if Osama Bin Laden really hated america for our freedom Denmark and Sweden would be fucked, since they are freer than we are.

But it is the overbearing need to be free of the south that drives me to make my decisions, and it is this that is my dream. It is this very reason why I say things to myself like "Well if I don't make it to California I will just go to Eastern Europe". There is a huge disconnect between those two things. I am so blinded by my need to leave the south that I will jump at any opportunity to be free from it indefinitely. But I am not acting like this is the case I slink around here and then all of a sudden jump at something sporadically there is no plan no focus. I act on desperation only. Even though I realize my decisions are irrational; even though I have identified what my real dream is, I still will probably act irrationally. The thing is that now I will know I am acting irrationally. So it looks like that my revelation was pointless, it wasn't even a revelation it was an epiphany really, but it isn't pointless it makes a world of difference (to me at least).

I am going to take steps to be more patient and to think about the long term instead of just the present and the short term.

LEADER

2008-11-16T20:28:00.004-05:00

Emi's Leader!!

I am looking at new bike and I think the Leader Bike frame looks freakin' sick. I think I will get that frame for myself for Christmas. Emi from the Mash SF crew rides a leader, or at least he did until it got stolen. Oh and I got to ride my bike last night! Bradley brought a spare wheel by my place and we biked over to a house where a bunch of other bikers were at. Last night was perhaps the crunkest night I have had since coming back. All the riders I met last night were really cool people, and they know how to party (what biker doesn't!?!). I even had a "Japanese" moment. I was sitting on the couch and I was out of it, and the two girls sitting next to me were like you are really cute can we like take some pictures with you. I was just lying there and didn't say anything or do anything. So they just started taking my picture and I could careless. I had gotten used to having my picture randomly taken in Japan, but it was slightly odd to have an American want to take my picture. But both of the girls were pretty cute one more so than the other, but yea I wouldn't mind seeing them again.

So after sitting around drinking for a few hours and talking about bikes and other random stuff we listened to a bit of music and some of the people started leaving to go to various places. I got on my bike with the intention of biking over to Chris and Bob's place but it was a bit too cold so I just took a detour to my place and Chris came by to pick me up. We went to Alex's tavern where a whole bunch of random stuff happened. Among which was an arguement that almost lead my friends and I into getting a fight. I was at Alex's with Chris, Julie, and Ashley. Julie and I used to go to elementary school together and I didn't recognize her at all but she recognized me instantly (for some reason). But yea so it had been awhile and I knew Bradley was going out with someone named Julie; I just didn't know that the Julie he is going out with is the one I know from elementary school. So that was a bit surprising.

So yea it was about 4am and I was still out partying it up. Alex's is open till like 5am or something it was a lot less shady this time around then the last time I was there. So that was good, and Ashley was pretty hot so that made the night better. And despite the fact I was completely wasted I think Ashley probably likes me. She like got really pissed off when some frat guy said some shit to me. It was like we had been going out for awhile, in fact I felt like we had been going out the whole night. I was very comfortable being around her, everything just seemed so familiar. And later on that night she was saying that I looked like one of her ex-boyfriends, a mexican guy. I said it must be my hat that makes me look like I am hispanic, and she said, "well take it off let me see you without it."

Despite the fact that is was cold I did. And she said that I look cute without the hat. That made me think how many times had a similar situation occurred in Japan. Like how many times have their been similar conversations of which I was completely oblivious to small details in a conversation due to a difference in language. I am sure that it must have happened a lot, oh well all I know is that my picture is on a ton of Japanese girls cellphone.

But back to the night at hand we left Alex's and went to Chris and Bob's place and kept the party alive. At around 7am I was completely trashed and could barely keep my eyes open or stand I felt like a double amputee Gilbert Gotfried. So Chris dropped me back by my place. And as I lay in my dark room I thought if I would be able to find Ashley on facebook the next day. Luckily I did (^_^). Definitely don't want to read too much into the previous night, but if I was going to try and go out with someone right now it would definitely be Ashley. But like I said don't want to take too much from 1 drunken night/morning. But regardless of whether she is single or in a relationship definitely want to hang out with her again before I like leave town or the country or whatever the hell I am going to do next. But at this point it looks like I may just leave the US again and this time go to Eastern Europe if I get accepted into the Peace Corps. It is both good and bad my volatile lifestyle gives me lots of chances for exciting things to happen, not to mention chances to experience tons of different cultures, but on the other hand doesn't leave me any time for relationships. I don't think there is anyway I will find a girlfriend who is up for constantly moving to different countries, riding bikes, and living a green life. I am sure I must have meet at least one girl in my life who would love to travel around the world with me and experience new cultures but I am sure that who ever she is, she is long gone by now. I think I may have a short fling though. I mean why not. . .

NO TITLE

2008-11-15T14:31:00.004-05:00

I am never usually this fresh yo. . .

Now that I am unemployed relaxing everyday I have a lot of time to catch up on my sleep after all that insomnia last month. It feels good being able to wake up whenever. If there is one thing I hate it's waking up extremely early. So I have looked for a few jobs here in America so far have had no luck. My mom is telling me the same thing now as when I left it takes 6 months to find a job. If that truly is the case then I suppose I can tack on another 2 months due to the floundering economy. I will say that the job market in America looks a lot worse than it was the last time I was here, but it wasn't like I was expecting it to get any better.

I am thinking I am going to once again focus my efforts on another country my top picks are still Amsterdam, Hong Kong, and Canada (In that order). The easiest of those 3 to work in is probably Hong Kong. I would say in as little as a month I could have a job in Hong Kong and be ready to board a flight out to China. People are probably wondering won't that be just like Japan? The answer would be yes and no it will still just be a ton of asians but there will also be a lot more people from other parts of the world too but asians will definitely be in abundance.

It would seem however I would go there and a series of mishaps would happen to me and then I would be right back where I started again. But I am a veteran of living overseas now this won't be my first time I won't have tons of anxiety when I go. That first time I went to Japan I was like gripped by fear and uncertainty. Like I didn't even get out of my seat on the 12+ flight over. The Japanese lady next to me kept asking me if I was okay. I wasn't okay but I said I was least she think I am a terrorist or something. I would love to have someone from America go with me of all the friends I have I can only think of maybe 1 or 2 that would seriously go with me. Sure I talk with a lot of my friends about the possibility, but I know I am really just humoring them because I know in my mind there is no way they would possibly do what I have done.

So you may be wondering who those 2 globetrotters are!?! They are Cameron and Geoffrey. Cameron is an obvious person to want to live overseas and experience a different culture and way of life, because he has done it before and is doing it again (he is going to Africa with the Peace Corps next year). And Geoffrey is just a free spirit I know we only talk about nonsense most of the time, but I admire young Geoffrey's other worldly thoughts and ideas. Plus it's never a dull moment with Geoffrey is around. So he is kind of a double edged sword because I am sure if me and him were out living in another country we would get into some trouble (but overall it would be an amazing time). But Geoffrey is still in school and having a degree of some sort is kind of a necessity to living overseas so technically he wouldn't be able to make the trip with me.

Now that I think about it their is a 3rd person, again she is someone who is currently living overseas. Actually there are 2 girls living overseas I would consider. But the other one I won't really consider because I find her reasons and situation a bit ridiculous for my taste. Plus the girl I am considering (who isn't ridiculous) is wayyy hotter. If you are reading this Erin you looked good in that black dress that night I ran into you at Rocky Mountain. So yea those are the only 3 people I would seriously consider living with overseas. I am not basing this on looks and other trivial things for others out there who are reading and wondering "What the hell!?! Why didn't I make the list??". I have an index called "The Sedentary index" on which I rate people I know, and based on factors such as financial situation, interpersonal relationships (i.e. having a boyfriend or girlfriend), spontaneity, willingness to travel (amount of previous overseas trips), and most importantly openness of mind (you got to eat new foods, and do stuff you have never done before).

Actually I just had a stroke of brilliance looking at my own "Sedentary index" I know the perfect candidate. He is lacking in one area which is Interpersonal Relationships since he currently has a girlfriend and they have been together for awhile now, so long in fact he was considering marrying her. But I know how faithful he is (joking of course) and I know that he is saying that his girlfriend is starting to get on his nerves and they argue about petty stuff all the time. But this is the perfect individual. Although I know we will undoubtedly corrupt each other. I will corrupt him to once again be unfaithful to his gf. I am not 100% positive that I have been a catalyst for him to cheat on her before, but it is highly likely. I practically handed him a girl to cheat on her with. But yea he is the most open minded person I have ever met and possible ever will meet in my life. Speaking of which he just signed into AIM going to talk with him about this now. PEACE!

The freedom of being flightless

2008-11-13T19:45:00.003-05:00

Before I start this blog I wanted to post this video. I haven't seen this video since I was like 18 and I was a freshmen in college. It all seems so long ago now. But anyway I thought this video was lovely and very well done with a very poignant story to tell. I thought about this video when I was talking to Cherry my french friend. Unfortunately for some reason she couldn't see it but I could and it was just as good now as it was when I first saw it. It also reminds me of a book I read called Giovanni's Room while I was in Japan, I won't spoil the book but I will say you should give it a read it's quite short.

So last night I was expecting a pretty big night downtown I have no idea why but I was. The night was pretty average not saying that is necessarily a good or bad thing but rather just a thing. The night wasn't entirely uneventful though I saw Steven Seagal and got his autograph. He asked me "which of his movies is my favorite?". To which I replied, "ummmm. . ." because I have never seen any of his movies. I just got his autograph because it is like a novelty item I can show people at parties or something. Nothing like the autograph of a ridiculous B movie actor to please the masses. Well I don't want to like completely rag on Steven Seagal, because that is just plain ignorant of me since I have never seen any of his work. He may actually be a good actor but until I see some of his movies I will continue to wonder what random things occurred that made him an actor.

So earlier today I asked myself what should I do today? My choices were to either go to the gym or try to go out and party or something. The uncertainty of partying after the previous night tipped the scales for going to the gym. So I am driving to the gym and I see two members of the Memphis Fix crew riding down Union Avenue. In my eyes these two guys are the real celebrities of the week. I instantly get extremely happy at seeing them and extremely sad. I was happy because I want to meet them soon and go on rides with them. But I was sad because I still have yet to receive my front Aerospoke wheel. Actually right now I am beyond sad I am starting to get irritated and angry about the whereabouts of my missing front wheel. I feel like a bird with a broken wing right now. I have a one-wheeled fixie which is such a sad sight. So sad that I had to put my bike in my garage; because every time I see it I think of how I could be free again riding through the city going nowhere and just riding for the love of it. So when I ran on the treadmill at the gym I imagined that I wasn't running but rather riding on my bike with the wind blowing in my face, but when I opened my eyes the illusion faded.

And to make thing worse when I got home my bike lock was here, that pissed me off even more because I literally bought that lock online like on tuesday and it's already here! Meanwhile I sent my bike wheel to myself like weeks ago and haven't gotten it. Ughh I am just frustrated right now at things. That wheel better be here tomorrow or I will fly off the handle into a bloody rage. Well here's to hoping it comes.

I am feeling the love <333

2008-11-12T14:55:00.002-05:00

So I have been back in America for a week now and I am feeling soooooo much love from people. I am not the best person at reading people or their emotions so it helps that many people just flat out told me they loved me. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside like a Pop Tart full of dog hair. I feel really good about being back even more than I thought I would as a direct result of all of this love I am feeling. It was extremely hard for me to tell how anyone in Japan felt because of the language barrier. And my own ineptitude at reading any kind of body language be it Japanese or American. I am happier than words can even transcribe. So I will end this blog by saying I love you all my fellow Americans. And to those of you I have never met I want to meet you soon!

Phase 1 complete!

OBAMA!

2008-11-06T19:04:00.003-05:00

Just got back on tuesday and damn does it feel good. I loved to see the tables turned on the Japanese. As soon as the airplane touched down they were greeted with huge angry americans running all about pushing the Japanese out of the way and kicking their suitcases down because lets be honest if you just stop in America in the middle of a busy walkway people are going to elbow and shove the hell out of you. I was going to try and help out a few of the lost Japanese that were standing around absolutely terrified, but then I saw a vending machine so I helped myself to some American snacks. So after little to no thought I can say what I was most excited to see upon my arrival in America, BOOTY!!! Awww Snap! That's right my flight touched down in Atlanta so after months of seeing no one with any kind of hope of having an ass I was treated to a cornucopia of booty meat. I wish there was a cereal called Booty Flakes, no better way to start of the day then a spoonful of booty.

So even though I am back I am still dealing with Japanese stuff like my 2nd job is pissed with me. So I have to deal with this sort of delicately about as delicate as a sheep that bench presses 250lbs. But I don't want to be an ass to them because they were nice but I have to do what I must do, but I will do it with tact and grace. I do feel really bad about it though, and it is this exact reason I couldn't be a real business major. I have too much compassion, I can't be heartless and cutthroat. But anyway I will deal with that later let's go through November 4th.

I went up to lame ass CBU with Brandon and some girl he knows from there, and found out the election result as soon as I walked into this apartment, because there were a bunch of pissed of rednecks (angry that McCain lost) sitting around bitchin'. The first thing I said to this group of people was, "Awww yea suck on that bitches". Considering I didn't know any of them not the friendlies thing to say, but it was the American thing to say. So then they talked crap to my friend because they don't know me and I make it a point to look insane so that people don't mess with me. But not so insane I turn away the ladies (ladies get at me). But yea so I pissed them off, and they pissed my friend off so not wanting to be with a bunch of sad ass McCain followers I went downstairs were there was an election party going on but half the people down stairs were for McCain too so I got some angry stairs as I drank their beer wearing my Obama t-shirt, once again I didn't care, so I had a few of their beers then left so those losers could get back to doing there school work and feeling sorry for themselves. All in all so far my time in America has been wonderful now that Obama is going to be the next president everything seems brighter and a lot more full of life. This truly is one of the greatest moments in History and I am glad I experienced it in America and not in Japan. America I love you baby!

Stickin it to the man

2008-10-22T23:29:00.003-04:00

So my sleep schedule is pretty much fucked, I slept from 5pm till 11pm then stayed up till I had to go to work at 8am. But around 4am I got tired but I had insomnia so I couldn't sleep I had way too much on my mind. So instead I decided to dispose of some of my trash the items I don't know how to deal with, so I threw a bunch of trash on top of my neighbors garage. To make sure I didn't get caught I wore all black and even tied a bandana around my face as I sneaked through the shadows through my garbage all over their roof and garage then I stealthily sneaked back to my apartment seemingly unnoticed. Who needs to sort trash when our neighbor has a garage and a roof! Don't worry it was nothing ridiculous I wasn't throwing anything toxic up there like batteries just some plastic bins that I bought for plants and what not. And my neighbor has quite the green thumb so when the buckets fall off of their roof I am sure they will find a good use for them.

So anyway I went to tired from my 2nd straight night of insomnia I was like a freakin zombie, but I knew that at 12:15pm I was supposed to leave my school and go across town to teach at a special seminar. I had no intention of ever going to that seminar, you see that seminar is put on by the Board of Education, the same board that gets contracts from my company so I have no other way to get revenge on my company than by making them look bad at this seminar when I don't show up. I just got a call actually just now from one of the other teachers at the seminar and he said they are going to track me down, why can't they just leave well enough alone? I told the teacher I am in my pajamas and I am standing my ground, he said he understands that at this point I am past the point of caring about anything. So probably around this time the Board of Education is calling my school and is like where is your ALT, and my school will of course be like we don't know. Evernthough I actually left earlier than usual and told the head teacher, "better get a move on if I want to make it in time!" make it in time to my bed that is. So now I am like a fugitive on the run hiding out in my apartment eating donuts waiting for Heart to send it's goons to come and get me but this time I am not opening the door, because I am not expecting any mail so booyahhh!

On a completely on related note I am meeting up with some random Japanese girl who called me while I was at work on Wednesday and once to meet up with me and hang out. I don't even remember her name let alone what she even looks like, but those things don't matter. Since she is begging for my presence I expect her to buy me ice cream at McDonalds since that is where we are meeting. She needs to compensate me for my time. I will tell her all of this tomorrow when I show up or don't show up which ever I choose. The only thing I am motivated to do at this point is watch Samurai Jack. If Samurai Jack called me and wanted to go out on a date I wouldn't even hesitate I'd be all over that shit. I kind of wanted a relationship earlier this year but now I am back to how I was feeling in college and that attitude is screw that let's be free! I feel great no longer a wage slave instead of my boss bending me to his will I have just turned around and stabbed him in the eye with a spork, a metal spork at that which is the rarest of kitchen utensils. Well I am going to watch Samurai Jack and eat some sushi and wait for my apartment to be bombarded with goons.

Insomnia

2008-10-22T10:34:00.003-04:00

At the rock climbing place

Man trying to clean and pack is just as stressful as everything else, even more so considering I haven't really done any cleaning or packing. I have been having some pretty good weekends, decided I have to since these will be my last weekends in Japan for awhile. I went rock climbing and did Karaoke last weekend, and I ate a ton of ice cream. Also I went to this Indian (not Native American) restaurant called Spice Magic that was pretty good. I just wish I had found out about Spice magic sooner there was this Indian girl I talked with briefly at the Hanagasa festival a few months back, but I just thought she was a tourist that came to Yamagata to see the festival, I had no idea she lived here, and worked at Spice magic. And as you all (don't) know there are two things I love more than anything else sleeping, playing guitar hero, and Indian women. I got a bed and a copy of Guitar hero all I need is my Indian lover. A man can dream, but anyway I was at Spice magic and I ordered the "very, very, very, very hot curry" spice and all the japanese people I was with freaked the hell out, and said, "ohhh no not that one it's impossible!"

But I calmed them down and reminded them "I am outlaw" (as the police told me) so it's okay. We all had a good laugh but I think secretly when I said that they were all afraid I would flip out and destroy them like I destroyed that sign. So anyway we all talked while we waited for our food, which took awhile since it was a big group. The ratio would have been good any other time but not this one. Besides me there were only 3 other guys, but there were 8 ladies. Any other time I may have possibly been stoked but this time all these women were a hinderance to the real prize the Indian girl who was at the other side of the restaurant taking orders and darting about like some elusive mythical creature.

She had remembered me when I sat down giving me a big smile since she could tell I was shocked that she was here. And the entire time I was there we furtively caught each other's eyes. All the while I was day dreaming and exchanging these longing glances, 3 of the Japanese girls were asking me questions. I had no idea until one waved her hand in my face and said "hello are you in?"

This snapped me back to reality and I tried to remember what had been going on with the group I was with. But I couldn't think of anything so I just asked what she said before my mind slipped off into fantasy land. She had apparently been flirting with me the whole time I was gazing off into the distance, I wasn't sure if she was flirting because she genuinely liked me or because she wanted to impress her friends by showing them look I can flirt with a foreigner, my english is that good! But seeing as how her friends were flirting too I just figured maybe it was a contest or something. But anyway she asked me the same generic question I had heard like 6 million times.

Why come to Japan?
What is your favorite Japanese food?
Do you have a girlfriend?
What type of girl do you like?

I knew what they wanted me to say to the last question. Probably something along the lines of, "I like girls like you!" But as I was thinking about my answer my eyes meet the Spice magic enchantress and then I gave my answer. . ."I don't know I replied", but I knew pretty damn well what I like. Regardless the girl who asked the question giggled and said some shit in Japanese to her nearby friend I had stopped caring long ago, and I was pretty much a zombie to all the women in the restaurant except for Ms. Curry herself. Finally after what seemed like ages our food came, I got a larger than usual portion, and everyone took notice.

"you must be really popular here? They gave you soo much more food. And they arranged your food so nicely." I heard I looked closer at my plate and noticed that compared to everyone else's food that was just kind of slopped on the plate my food was meticulously set out. My Nan bread was set out to make 4 hearts which all pointed down towards my super spicy Cauliflower and Potato curry. Which isn't really that spicy at all, things that are EXTREMELY spicy to the japanese are like normal spiciness to me. Regardless of this everyone was like eat yours I want to see your face when you see how hot it is. Immediately some of the girls took out their cameras half expecting me to cry at the intense heat, but I took a bite and braced myself like I was about to die and then let my eyes get real wide to give them a bit of a show. Then they were like too hot? And I was like no it isn't hot at all. Then they all said "Sugoiiii!" Geez I hate that word I hear it way too much.

So the meal came to an end and i was being dragged to the next place with the group but I wanted to stay in the restaurant and perhaps order some dessert and talk with the Indian girl. But the group was like we can't do Karaoke without you. So I went to do Karaoke reluctantly. And I think that was maybe one of the few times I did karaoke without first having a crap on of drinks. So obviously it wasn't as exciting and I realized for the first time my voice didn't sound nearly as nice as I had previously thought. After karaoke I went home because I had to work the next day unfortunately or else maybe I would have went out drinking but it was okay probably for the best I didn't drink, that means more money for drinking this friday. Well I guess I will actually do a bit of cleaning now until next time people.

Heartless

2008-10-17T09:09:00.005-04:00

So I promised I would write about how my teachers have changed since that day. But I have changed my mind I now need to turn my attention to the shitty company I work for. I am sure many of you who are reading this are familiar with NOVA and it's scandals. I don't even know where to start with Heart. So

I guess I will start from the beginning, the job was shady from day one after I accepted the job and made my preparations for leaving to Japan, they told me that they wouldn't be able to get my Visa to me before I left. I was like umm WTF!?! I kind of need the Visa to get into the country but they were like it's okay just lie to the airport staff. I should have turned the job down right then and there, but I was in a bind they didn't tell me this till a week after I sent them my flight information insuring I guess that I wouldn't back out of the deal after discovering there shady plans. So I flew to Japan dreading what was going to happen when I got to the country since I didn't have a visa. But it all ended up working out and I made it to the hostel I was supposed to go to upon arriving in Japan.

Of course at the Hostel I meet one of my bosses and her gaggle of dim witted goons. i didn't know what the hell was going on this being my very first time in the country and the goons didn't seem to know what was going on either running back and forth asking each other questions before telling me:

"umm I don't know right now I will find out and let you know. . .maybe".

Ahh yes nothing like a firm maybe planted at the end of an answer to convey certainty, and knowledge of the situation. So then me and the other teachers joked that this company was shady as hell and we had gotten ourselves into a fine mess. But the thing was the company wasn't that bad if you didn't have to deal with them, and fortunately we rarely had to deal with Heart. They just dropped us off in our respective cities and left us to our wits, with little to no training what so ever. So luckily the job isn't hard at all or else we would all suffer greatly.

So fast forward a few months get to August up till that point that was my worst month in Japan it also happened to be my Vacation month, if I had known then what would happen now I would have stayed in America. But I came back like a fool, and then September became my worst month ever, and then October continued my torture, as I am slammed with tons of fees and bills, with little money to eat with since my company paid me next to nothing for the month. Strange how I am not in America yet I am filling the market turmoil just as much or more than my friends back home. I have been living this week off of just 2,000 yen ($20). And I am not sure if I mentioned it before but food is freakin expensive here. So I am impressed with how far I have made it. So anyway in October I missed a day of work because I was exhausted, having insomnia the night before there was no way I was going to be able to make it to work on my bike. Now I had missed days before and it was no problem but this time Heart got pissed. They called me a bunch of times I ignored the calls because I wanted to sleep. So they sent someone over to force me to go to work, I shouldn't have answered the door. But I did thinking it might be the mail man, but nope there was one of Heart's employees who barked orders at me almost immediately, telling me to get dressed and that I am going to work today. Half way asleep I stared in disbelief and then told her flat out "NO" then went back inside and bolted my door, in case they sent Yakuza hahaah. Almost immediately Heart called and told me that I better go to work I told them I had only missed like 2 days this entire year and that I was really tired. The lady held back her anger and said fine you are off today then and hung up the phone. A small victory in what was soon to become an all out war.

You see I knew all to well the way Japanese companies treated foreign workers. But I had the "That won't happen to me, I'm different mentality". You never thing bad stuff will happen to you until your knee deep in shit sinking fast and even then you are skeptical. So the battle had started and I had no idea, but I found out quickly though. Heart sent a representative to help me sort out my fines with the police and the representative told me pretty much the truth since he was only a part time worker he didn't care what I knew. So he pretty much told me Heart hates you, don't think you have any friends at the company. Wow I thought to myself what had I done to receive contempt from my boss and the goons!?! Just 2 months ago they told me I was voted their best teacher in Yamagata and that I was doing a good job, so keep up the good work. And now al of a sudden they couldn't stand me, all because I took my 3rd day off this entire year!?! I was stunned and started to get that mixed bag of feelings of isolation, loneliness, and an intense feeling of being misunderstood.

I had this same intense feeling of being misunderstood once before, when I was in college where I was pretty much a social outcast because I didn't subscribe to black stereotypes, I don't like basketball, don't wear baggy clothes (they make you look homeless like all of your clothes were hand me downs), and I don't wear fake jewelry, etc. So not being a stereotypical thug in the city of Atlanta you are automatically a homosexual interesting and ignorant dynamic. But I didn't feel alone and hopeless like I do know at least then I had a few friends in a similar situation but here I face the storm alone. It feels like me versus all of Japan. Japan is a very homogenous culture and no matter how hard you try you can never be Japanese people will try but they will always just be "gaijin" (that word might as well be a racial slur).

And another difference between now and then is I didn't care what my peers in college thought I thought they were largely ignorant, I was on scholarship and did Work study in the financial aid office and would look in shock as students would come in asking about their refund check, and my boss would tell them you really should use this money to pay off your loans and not just spend it, but he students would say 9/10 times I got to buy some new clothes going to a party, or I need new speakers and rims for my car, pure ignorance, but I can't help people make good decisions and neither could my boss no matter how much he tried to give them good advice, ultimately it's up to each person to decide what they will do and what the think. That is the beauty of free will it makes every thing so exciting and at other times so hopeless and desolate. But now I did care what my peers (and my boss) thought because I couldn't make sense of this instant change in attitude towards me, what had caused such a momentous negative shift in opinion of me!?! I felt that it was all a misunderstanding, but at this point there was nothing I could do to try to return to how things once were, I could barely communicate with most of my peers because of the langauge barrier, but I tried anyway. But after a week of trying I resigned myself to my new fate, and just dug in for the long haul.

A week after that Heart went on the offensive again. I had sent in my letter of resignation, which caused them to go mad with rage, and I was berated of course for breaching the contract, I explained to them that my mood had changed so much and I was always depressed now, whereas before I loved going to work now I dreaded it, laying awake with insomnia most nights dreading what would be whispered amongst the other teachers about me or what other teachers would run away at the sight of me like I was some kind of grotesque monster. Of course the lady at Heart didn't care about anything I was saying if she could even understand any of it, she just went back to yelling at me when I told her how hopeless it all seemed to me, and that I had no support here, and obviously no support with my company either. So I tried to re-explain to my irate supervisor. I told her that I am just pretending to be all smiles among the kids, because I love my students very much, they have touched my life so much and I hope I have touched their lives as much as they have touched mine. But I told her that my shell will crack and the facade can't be held much longer. In fact the veil of happiness I put on work was already opaque to some students, one asked me at lunch what was wrong? I put on an air of happiness and replied: "I am just tired, Kenny is just really tired. Don't worry about me".

I told my supervisor that I felt my sadness and despair would make the students melancholy, as the students tended to mimic whatever mood I was in. And that's not what I want for my students I don't want to bring them to the edge of despair and force them to look into that dark brooding lake of loneliness. I wanted my students to have the teacher they really need someone full of hope and laughter, a teacher that I once was but could no longer be again confronted with my stress and constant struggle with Heart. I want the best for my students, I only wish I could chose my replacement myself, but I wouldn't want to put someone in my place with Heart. If I could chose a teacher who could work independent of Heart I would, in fact if I could work independent of Heart I would continue working, but that is impossible.

So in the recent battle of the war. Heart told me that they are going to pretty much rape my paycheck. They are going to take 50,000 yen out of my check for the days I will miss for the next month's paycheck. I agreed with that because I did technically breach the contract. So then I thought it was over I told them I would be leaving November 4th when they asked when I will depart. Then they said that they are going to charge me for a full month of rent even though I will only be here for 4 days in November. This of course didn't make any sense the rent should have been prorated since I would only be here for 4 days out of the month. But what was I going to do I am a foreigner at the mercy of the Japanese, the courts won't listen to what I have to say, and Heart knows it, so I am at their mercy. So then just now they told me that I have to vacate my apartment by November 1st!!! Even though I of course have no where else to go. So I decided enough is enough I can't take this injustice. So I told them if I am paying for a full month of rent, that I deserve to stay at least till the 4th, I am waiting for their response but I am sure it won't show me any favor. I have found Heart is largely a Heartless corporation, cold and calculating "profits before people"!

So anticipating a negative response to my plea I think I will have to lie to get out of this country. Which is ironic considering I had to lie to get in. I think I will have to tell Heart that I will stay on and work till November 14th like they asked me too, but then leave when the 4th comes around. It may be the only way I can make it out of here :( . So now I sit here waiting the days out trying to anticipate what other hardships Heart will throw at me.

*sigh*

On a side note I would say it was still a good experience coming here. I have always wanted to come to Japan, but I see now it is a country to visit, but not one to live in. I have grown a lot since I have been here, and I think all this hardship and misery has made me a better person, and will help me appreciate the small things that I may have overlooked before ^_^

Samurai Jack - Spring

2008-10-13T04:38:00.009-04:00

OMG so after some heavy meditation I decided to watch this episode of Samurai Jack and OMG this is the best cartoon to watch after heavy meditations. It is called the 4 seasons of death and Spring has sooo Many sexual innuendos. Like after he is walking into this "tunnel" of thorns it starts to bloom.

So like this is eluding to the uterus and the blooming of course meaning fertility. So that was like the first one not so bad right. But they get more raunchy here people OMG hide the chillins' and eat the Chitlins. So let's continue.

So he keeps walking and at the end of this tunnel there is a . . .

surprise large beautiful violet flower. I think the flower is alluding to the good ole' va jay jay. If I remember Georgia O'keefe did a lot of paintings of flowers that she said represented Vaginas. And we know how crazy those O'keefes are. Well I do at least I know an O'keefe or maybe her name is O'queef. Well what ever old lady O'keefe is off of her rocker. So out of the flower comes a beautiful faeire woman.

So know it starts getting interesting ehh!?! "Hubba hubba"! [Chet you fucking monkey, I am not sure if that is correct grammar]. So anyway then she tempts young samurai Jack in this beautiful Garden resembling the Garden of Eden. And she gets the better of him. But I mean she was saying stuff like:

"You are a hero, but what Replenishes you?"

And who can forget.

"To aid for you in your cause I have come to give you nourishment to provide for you."

And. . .

"Stay for a moment where it is peaceful, rejuvinate your senses, and regain your strengths."

So she leans back next to a clam moving stream to receive Jack to lay his head on her lap. Jack sits listlessly in the forest on her lap and then gazes up and sees this. . .

I don't know about you folks but that looks like a good ole' fashion forest vagina. Complete with sparkles. Yay! Enjoy kiddies! So any way the camera goes back to the stream and now brightly colored flowers are flowing down it.

So the camera goes back to Jack and then all of a sudden he sees old man Aku come to make Jack lose his grip and shoot his load to quick i.e. Premature ejaculation. So then Aku comes to him in vision 2 more times and then he loses it and gets up (cums to fruition). And then our faerie woman turns in to a bitch and her and Jack end up fighting. So the innuendos came full circle here people. Astounding I would hate to see what Samurai Jack would do with racism, ohh wait they already did the episode where Jack is in Louisiana down in the bayous.

So I am about to watch more Samurai Jack. But i am leaving Japan November 4th!!!

6 months as an Ex-pat :(

2008-10-06T03:41:00.006-04:00

Simpler times. . .

So it has been about 6 months since I have been living in Japan, and long story short I want to go back to the US. Well not just back to the US but to California. Things in Japan just haven't been working out to well for me. Almost every situation goes from bad to worse. Don't get me wrong I have had my share of good times in Japan and met some really cool people that I am glad I have met but I feel the call of the Red, White, and Blue. Not just all of a sudden I started to feel the cal back during the time of the Hanagasa festival. While watching that festival I really missed America. If any of my friends from America are reading this I miss you guys ^_^. So yea the epitome of mishaps happened last Saturday when I got picked up by the cops for vandalism. Let's go to the start of saturday evening.

Colin had just come back in town from Canada a few days earlier, and I hadn't been doing too much of anything in Yamagata, because my paycheck for the month was next to nothing even now I barely have enough money to like buy food, I had to sell my iPod to get food money! And even after selling my iPod I barely have enough money to last until my next paycheck. I know you are probably wondering what the hell are you eating over there babies!?! I assure you I am not eating babies, and if I am I don't know I am because I never know what I am eating here. So to help me get buy I got a second job on the weekends, but who wants to work 2 jobs?? Not me that's for sure.

Back to the story though so I didn't really have the money to hang out and I was about to bail out on the whole night and just go home and go to sleep. Looking back in retrospective I should have bailed. But if I bailed this would be the end of this story, but like a choose your own adventure book I chose another path. So I went to Colin's after I bought like a 5 dollar bottle of some really cheap whiskey because that's all my budget would allow. And then me and Colin went to Yamaya the "World Liquor System" to buy some more whiskey and coke to make some drinks. Then we went to Colin's to have some whiskey and dinner. David came to join us as well we convinced him to have one shot of Jack. And then shortly after that we set off on our excursion for the night. We went to Jay's bar not much was going on at Jay's so we went to another bar down the street and nothing much was going on there either, in fact nothing seemed to be going on anywhere. So Colin set out to find something to do. What he found was the dreaded hostess bar, that's right the same type of bar that had sent me fleeing from Japan once before.

Let me explain the dynamics of the hostess bar again. Basically you pay a set fee to be at the bar and the bar provides you with a bunch of tarted up hussies who hang on your every word. Problem with that is I don't speak Japanese that we'll so there aren't many words to hang onto. And you have to buy everything the girls drink on top of paying to be there. And not to sound vain or anything but I think the girls should technically have paid for my drinks and for the privilege to be drinking with me. Because my teeth aren't jacked up like most Japanese people's teeth are, I am a very interesting person most girls at hostess bars are about as fun as a corpse, and I can make people laugh pretty easily with my over the top antics. So anyway every time I go to a hostess bar I think of the fact that the girls there should be paying me, and that makes me pissed off instantly. And also I never go to hostess bars on my own accord I am always dragged there by the people I am with. There has never been a time while I was in Japan when I was like damn I am lonely I want to go to a hostess bar and hang out with superficial comfort women. NEVER!! But there have been times where I was like fuck this shit I want to eat chocolate chip pancakes. I have had plenty of nights where I just stopped everything and went to eat pancakes.

But anyway once again I found myself being dragged to a hostess bar for the 3rd time. And the girl I was with looked like Beetlejuice jacked up teeth and stripped dresses have that effect on women here. If I could say Beetlejuice and send my hostess back to the netherworld I would have. So anyway it was a horrible experience just like ever other time I had been to a hostess bar. But I pretended to be semi enjoying myself. As the night dragged on and I kept drinking watered down Shochu and talking to the hostess I decided to sing some Karaoke I sang Prince "Purple Rain" and some Disney songs Colin kept telling me to sit down haha. I guess he didn't realize that by singing the Karaoke I was trying to salvage the horrible night for myself at least. But he was like just sit there and talk to your girl. And I was like who? Bettlejuice?

So finally the time came for us to leave and Colin was pissed at that point too. I went with him to get my bike and then he was like I am going to go back and spit on someone, and I was like okay!! I wanted to go back just to see that because I am sure a fight would break out and who doesn't love a good fight. But of course no one was there so then still pissed and with no one to spit on Colin decides we should rip the sign down (It was really just a sticker on a wall a glorified bumper sticker if you will). I didn't think it was a good idea I just wanted to go and eat at Mos Burger and then go to sleep, but then Colin said if you help me I will buy you anything you want to eat, being strapped for money I couldn't say no. So I assisted my angry Canadian friend. I was angry too and have been angry many times in Japan but when I get angry I just leave and go watch cartoons, I am not usually an angry drunk I am more of a happy social drunk, but if I am drunk and even slightly angry a hostess bar is usually involved. So not 15 seconds into helping Colin a fat Japanese guy comes around and grabs my shirt collar and starts swinging me around wildly like a rag doll causing me to lose my balance and fall and almost break my iPod. Then the guys from the hostess bar come down and surround Colin and start yelling at him and one guy gets really irate but the others hold him back.

Then the cops show up and take us both away they don't listen to anything I try to tell them they just whisk us away. At the police station I am interrogated by a bunch of cops speaking Japanese yelling stuff at me. Of course they can't intimidate me because I can't understand anything they are saying. So they bring in a half ass translator who doesn't really listen to what I say but makes his own assumptions based on what he wants to understand. So after 4 hours or so of that I am taken to the police station that has my bike and have to wait there with a grinning Japanese lawyer who looks like the Chesire cat except with horrible teeth and bad breath. My job is called and someone from my dispatch company comes to get me. And they tell me not to worry. But I had to worry because I had a feeling my school would find out and that would make work awkward. But I held out for the hope it wouldn't reach my school.

It did :(. I will write about how my job changed after this incident another day, for now I will enjoy my day off.

Observations

2008-09-06T03:44:00.008-04:00

Hello everyone that is still left out there! Sorry I am soo lazy with this blog, but I am generally a lazy person, if any of you know me personally then you know this truth to be self evident. In fact it is my constitutional right to be lazy. Even here in Japan were the US constitution holds no power whatsoever. So many of you are wondering about the title of this blog. Actually probably none of you are wondering about the title but I am going to pretend you do care. So what are these observations then!?! Well I spent some time in America this past month about 3 weeks to be precise. And I am going to compare and contrast my time in America with my time in Japan. And then I might look at something else I have observed over a long period of time that has been implanted in my mind like Herpes. But first the comparison between Japan and America.

Clothing: Ok this first observation is probably one of my favorites so let me just start with this first, and then every observation from here on will just get progressively worse as I struggle to say anything of substance. In Japan people wear pretty much what ever the hell they feel like. I read somewhere that this isn't a very individualistic country, and that no one wants to step out of the group mentality. But in clothing I find this to be very opposite. In fact if I was to make all of my assumptions on Japanese and American culture based on attire alone I would say American society is more group oriented and Japan is more about the individual. Let's take a look at a day in my life here and in America.

Japan: Wake up grab whatever clothes are closest to my bed, then administer the smell test to see which clothes smell clean. . .enough. Ride out on my bike and have people say I am "かっこい" (Cool). Go about my business for the day uninterrupted.

America: Wake up think where in the city I am going to go and try to dress accordingly. Yes that's right I have to strategically plan what I am going to wear for the day. I like to wear clothes that fit, that's right clothes that actually fit. The thing is americans are very vocal about other americans. Case in point coming off of the airplane to America from Japan, I hear "look at this n*gga he looks like Prince in fuckin high school yall!" So to avoid harassment in America I have to make some kind of effort to try and blend in, and that makes clothing in America very much group oriented. Because let's face it you better blend the hell in or get checked to hell. So as far as clothing goes I say I prefer the Japanese way of thinking.

Food: I loved japanese food before I came here, because I rarely got a chance to eat it, but now that I am here it's all I eat. It makes sense I guess why would a Japanese person know how to make a Gyro or a taco? I mean the majority of them have never seen or heard of these foreign foods, so naturally they stick with what they know. And what they know is fish, rice, and noodles. I couldn't wait to get to America and eat a nice Panini or dip some Pita bread in some hummus or sink my teeth into a huge burrito. I mean let's face it eating rice and fish or noodles everyday gets old REALLYYYY fast. In fact it got so old I started eating foods I used to hate just so I could have some kind of variety. So in regards to food America wins by a landslide.

I was going to move on to something I have been thinking of for awhile but I think I will save that for another day, because it isn't really related to Japan too much. So I am going to play some guitar hero and take a nap before I go out tonight. Ohh nd be sure to check out my Bike it's getting sweeter every day all I need is a new bake tire and I will finally be done with it!!

Long overdue

2008-08-07T22:47:00.003-04:00

So I have obviously not been updating my blog. But I have been living the life of a hippie. A few weeks ago I went to a rave with a bunch of japanese hippies, and ended up getting sick because I was wasted and standing around in the rain at night like a dummy. And I am still kind of sick. And since then I have had both the best and worst days. Like a day will start off so good then go so wrong later. Don't worry I have plenty of examples of what I mean.

Example 1: Aomori Festival

So Colin says hey let's go to a festival in Aomori, me sitting around my place sick I was like hell yea. I barely remember a lot of what happened, but I think we started drinking at Colin's place. Then Colin went to sleep so me and his brother stayed up drinking and talking about random crimes we saw or that happened to us back in our respective cities. From there I should have taken a nap in the car but I was like I am okay. So I drank the whole way there which was like a 6 hour drive, or it would have been 6 hours if Colin's tire didn't get fucked up. So it was more like an 8 hour drive. And when we got there we went to an Onsen to wash up and relax, before having lunch. at this point I had been drinking for about 14 hours straight since around 11pm the previous night till midday, and I was getting tired of course but I kept on drinking for no reason, I should have stopped and rested but you don't have the best judgement when your drunk. So I drank and drank and drank until finally I feel asleep in the street in the rain which definitely didn't help my cold. So by passing out I missed most of the festival which was the whole point of the trip. So the day started off great but somehow ended up soo bad.

Example 2: Hanagasa festival

So this example happened just last night, but it had been building up since tuesday when I danced in the Hanagasa festival. Everyone thought I was Jero. If you don't know who Jero is google "Jero Enka Singer". So everyone loved that I was Jero, so I was like a celebrity taking pictures with everyone and just being "Jero". Well I got tired of being Jero very quickly, and I figured the only reason people thought I was Jero was because of my beard and moustache. So I shaved them off but no luck I was still Jero. So I went out and just accepted it when Japanese called me Jero instead of Kenny. So anyway I went out to the festival and met up with Karen a half japanese half brazilian, who speaks more English than Japanese, but still speaks way more Japanese than I do. So we watched the festival and then later went to get a bite to eat or rather she did I got some Guinness. At around 11 she had to go home because she was leaving town the next day. So I went to a bar that was "Memphis" themed and had a few drinks, then a guy came buy who spoke English, but sounded Irish only thing funnier than a japanese with an irish accent is a Japanese person with a Jamaican accent. Anyway so we drunk and talked about some stuff this guy was wasted so he said let's go to a Philipino hostess bar, I was like, "ummmm ok sure why the hell not". At that point I was wasted, so we went to the hostess bar, and around this time and maybe a bit earlier the night was making it's spiral downwards. So at that hostess bar I got jealous for some reason because my friend was talking to my philipino so then I was ready to fight him, and the girl was like please no fighting then she said just sing us a song Jero. I was about sick of being called Jero, but I saw they had purple rain so I sang that and the night sort of picked up. Then shortly after I left I crashed on my bike which somehow impressed a couple of Japanese girls nearby. I picked myself up and rode off and as I was leaving one yelled, "my name is ????? I love you" and I was like umm wtf I am hungry so I went to eat.

So there are two examples of a night getting progressively worse but at the same time being slightly good. And now I am going to lay around and do nothing.

Broke my phone :(

2008-07-24T18:18:00.003-04:00

So I cracked the lcd screen on my phone so I can't send anymore text messages but I can still receive calls but I can't make them because the screen is al messed up. I would take a picture of it but as it turns out my phone IS also my only camera. I should go but another phone but it's raining all week and I am lazy soo maybe I will later.

Short -n- sweet

2008-07-18T06:03:00.001-04:00

"Japanese is the french of the east. People want to learn it because it's cool, not because it's useful."

-L-

I <3 Fixies

2008-07-13T17:48:00.002-04:00

My new bike

Just came back from a short morning ride on my new Fixed Gear Bike! I didn't know how fun riding a fixed gear bike could be, but I don't think I will ever ride a normal bike again, at least not in the city. I plan on making some changes to my new bike new wheels and maybe a color change orange isn't exactly my favorite color, but for now I will enjoy the ride!

School

2008-07-11T11:58:00.003-04:00

So I have a video I took which is pretty much a tour of my school, I have been meaning to get that video up for awhile. But various things have prevented it from going up mainly the length it is over 10 minutes long and youtube doesn't allow videos over 10 minutes long. I guess the length is imposed to prevent copyright infringement. But of course that doesn't work as I watched some copyrighted material on youtube just yesterday. So today at work was a pretty fun day I was holding back laughs all day. In my first class I completely messed up and read the wrong thing, and the teacher just went with it I realized when I finished reading that I had completely messed up but the teacher adjusted the lesson around my accident, so that was cool. The next class I was playing a game with the students called Ball & Bag where I play music and the students pass around a ball and a bag full of questions. When the music stops the person with the bag reachers in the bag and pulls out a question and asks the person holding the ball. The game was going smoothly till the music stopped on a student who didn't want to answer the question; he just stood there stalling for time. One teacher kept yelling がんばって while the other teacher just stared at the student getting more pissed as the seconds went on. The student mumbled his answer but the teachers made him say it again, which caused for more standing there stalling I wanted to intervene but I knew it wasn't my place, so I just watch as the student stood there. So he must have stood there for like 6 minutes and then one of the teachers snapped and started yelling at him I wish I knew more Japanese I wanted to know what was said.

So then after that class I had another class with the same teacher where I messed the lesson up completely. In this class we were going over some new words, and two of the new words were "e-mail" and "e-pal" (do people even use the word "e-pal"). So the teacher asked the students what does the "e" stand for, the answers were interesting. One student shouted out "english", to which I started laughing. Then another student said "eleven". So to help the students out the teacher wrote out part of the word "ele. . .", surely the students would get it now! One student said ohh "分かった！ erection" I think he was trying to say "election" but nevertheless it was hilarious. And then teacher gave them one more chance, and the final answer was. . ."elephant". Nothing like reading a new "elephant-mail". So that was amusing and then I realized I had to take a fat shit and the laughter turned into OMG I have to get out of here, but I had another class right after the one I was in. So the next class was longgggg, and when it ended I ran to the bathroom to release what was brewing inside. This was like the second time I took a shit at school, I try not too because the school has those archaic toilets where you squat over the toilet and hold a rail (I hate these type of toilets for obvious reasons). So the first time I took a shit at the school I was sleepy and trying to squat and stay awake is hard. To make matters even worse I had like diarrhea so I was basically peeing out of my butt at a high velocity so that woke me up because I definitely didn't want to fall into the toilet. So today turned out to be a pretty fun day at work! I wish I could have said the same for the rest of the day but it rained pretty much all day so I guess I am taking a break from drinking and trying to meet random girls tonight, and just enjoy a quiet evening at home. Well I am going to eat some natto so I will write again soon. また〜

Really long time

2008-07-06T11:58:00.002-04:00

So yea I noticed that I haven't updated my blog in awhile, sorry to the 2 or maybe 3 people that read. But yea there is a lot to talk about since it has been a long time. Since the last time I blogged I have been to a beach here. The water was cold as hell, and the beach was strewn with tons of garbage but it was nice nonetheless, got to shoot off a couple of fireworks for "Canada Day"!?! I know I never head about Canada Day either. I still don't know when it is, because like everyday that week Colin was like it's Canada Day!! And so maybe it should be called "Canada Week" or perhaps he was just milking it for all it's worth. I also went Cherry picking all you can eat cherries for 40 minutes sounded like it would be a lot of fun, but 6 minutes into it I was sick of cherries, but it was still fun. I don't really feel like typing a whole lot now, so instead i will just upload a ton of pictures, and you can speculate on what I have been up to.

But seeing as how the upload image function isn't working for me either right now I will just do that later as well.

Slackers the leaders of tomorrow!

Birthday weekend

2008-06-23T01:03:00.004-04:00

So this past weekend was my birthday here in Japan! I wasn't expecting anything big or planning anything out, as I haven't really done anything for my birthday for the past couple of years. So I just drank mostly dark beers this weekend, to celebrate the big 22. On the actual date of my birthday it was raining so I cleaned up my room and did laundry (exciting!). So I figured after such an exciting birthday in Japan, that maybe I should celebrate the American date, since Japan is a day ahead and all, so it was like traveling through time to celebrate again. And it worked out even better because the American date was on a friday here in Japan. So I was very excited for the prospects this weekend would hold, not because it was my birthday but rather because it was (an still is) an extended weekend!

So let's jump into this particular weekend. Before I left school I wished all my students good luck because they were all competing in a big city wide sports day. I had big plans to go and see most of my students play on saturday, but Friday nights don't make for good Saturday mornings. So Friday I went to Loop, after going to nomihodai, and every time I go there something goes wrong. This time someone got the idea that I told a guy there named Marvin fuck you. I was like umm I definitely didn't do that. And of course last time "I got in a fight". I am not sure why every time I go there some horrible twisted tale concerning me comes out of nowhere. So I am just done with Loop, too much of a hassle every time I go there. So for all intents and purposes friday night was pretty bad. So I was kind of relieved when Saturday came around, gave me a clean slate to start from. ^_^

Saturday I just went to J's I skipped everywhere else and just decided to keep it simple. Saturday was a lot better than Friday! Got nice and drunk, and even made some great progress with a couple of the ladies, although none of them lived in Yamagata, but rather in nearby prefectures. But I saw a cute gaijin girl at Mos Burger earlier I wish I had talked to her, since I am pretty sure she spoke English, maybe. She looked like she was French though!?! So I am hoping to see her around the city again, granted she lives here, and wasn't a tourist. One thing that does suck is that I have to work tomorrow. I was supposed to be off work but since I missed a day I have to make it up. Which reminds me I need to contact my boss to make sure they know I am making this day up so that I get reimbursed for the pay I was docked awhile back. Ohh and to make it fair I will upload a picture of me drunk since I have shown everyone else passed out, it's only fair.

Another weekend in 山形市

2008-06-15T04:05:00.004-04:00

What inebriation looks like

Last weekend I was in Tokyo, and I plan to be there again next weekend, but this weekend was spent in good ole' Yamagata. This weekend was eventful. Of course I did the same stuff as usual went to Sandinista and J's, but I also went to a few new places as well. All day friday at work I was waiting to get off so I could go drinking and start the weekends festivities. I didn't know it was friday the 13th, so when I was asking one of my classes "What day is today?" and "What's the weather like?", when they said it's Friday the 13th I like thought about watching a scary movie later, and completely blanked out in class for a little bit. I came back to reality when I heard the teacher whispering ask them "How are they?". Then later on in that same class, when it was time for the listen to the CD part of class, the CD player went crazy, and it was skipping and speeding up randomly, I told the teacher today is a day of bad luck in America and the teacher said I know. So as I may or may not have mentioned before my school has a tradition called PSP which stands for Physical Strength P?? (I forgot what the last P is for), in this tradition the students run around the school, it's good exercise but I don't really like to run and get tired before going out friday night. But I ran anyway, figured I would be doing some heavy beer drinking so I might as well do one thing that is relatively healthy.

So after running a random dust storm blew in and got sand and crap all in my eyes, so I decided to hang around at the school for a bit until dust wasn't being blown all around. I watched the boys and girls volleyball teams practice for a little while. Some of my students have started saying "Fuck You!" but never when another teacher was around. So I was standing near the wall talking to another teacher when a student walked up and said "Fuck You!", and I was like ummm ok time to go see you! Hey I didn't want the other teachers thinking I taught the students those words.

So I got home and changed clothes and then went to JUSCO to get some beer nuts and Guinness, I walked around for a bit and went to Toy R Us thought about buying some Funyuns or some Doritos, but the bags are so freaking big that I just said screw it. I want to eat SOME Funyuns not a garbage bag full of Funyuns. Plus the costs of the Funyuns was the cost of a beer. Once again my economy runs on beer, I don't think in USD or YEN I think in beers. It's like opportunity cost, so remember don't ask "how many dollars that shirt cost?", ask "how many beers does it cost?". So I went back to buy the grocery section to buy beer nuts, I was pissed to find out that the big bag of mixed nuts where gone!! So I had to pay the same amount of money for less nuts. I usually get the big bag because it costs the same as other bags of nuts, but you get almost twice as many nuts!! So I settled for the regular nuts, and grabbed 7 Guinness then set about on my path home. On the way I passed 2 young ladies on bikes that were headed in my direction, one looked pretty cute and the other one just barely had the requirements to be consider a female. One day I am going to party in this area because I know that there has to be something to do close to my house.

Since it was Friday the 13th I watched a scary movie One Missed Call, it was okay I suppose. Then I called Yuta to see if he was up at his shop, but he was at a friends house at a party, (sounded like he was having a good time). I told him we should meet later he said okay. . .never saw him hahaha. So I meet up with Luke and we were going to go to Sandinista we drank a few beers in front of a 7 11 and I saw some of the regulars at Sandinista outside so I talked with them, and then headed over to Sandinista. Danced a bit there and then went to J's, actually now that I think about it I don't really remember too much of friday, so. . .let's just move on to Saturday.

Saturday I was woken up by an earthquake! I usually never lock my door and sometimes I have things in my door like shoes holding it open, so I thought that someone had came into my apartment and started shaking me. So naturally I woke up like WTF, who is this? But it was just an earthquake, so I just went back to sleep, wayyy too lazy to try and take shelter under a table. A bit later I headed up to town to meet up with my language partner. I was hoping she would be cute. So I got to Kajo and I saw a group of Japanese sitting at a table and they said something to me so I thought maybe one of the ladies in this group was my language partner. I knew one of the ladies worked in Kajo I had seen her before, the other lady looked unfamiliar so I thought she surely must be my partner. "What is that?" that was the first thing that popped into my mind, in reference to some scaring on her lip that looked like herpes, I was like ohh great I got the lady with herpes as my language partner! But she wasn't my language partner, SAVED! Collin was like your language partner isn't here yet and I was relieved.

I read an earthquake manual while I waited, then my real language partner showed up. She was decent, おきい　おっぱい (nice chest for a japanese woman), although I am an ass man, so I didn't really care. So we exchanged contact info and set a date for the future lesson. I was sleepy I was considering going back home to sleep, but I was too tired to make the trip back, so I called Yuta and we ate lunch. Then I took a nap on his couch for awhile. Then Collin called me and said "hey there is a new place that has nomi. . ." I interrupted at this point saying "SAY NO MORE LET'S DO IT!". Collin had just awoken a sleepy monster of beer drinking, and now this monster was ready to stalk it's prey. Collin showed up to Yuta's shop and then I told Yuta that we were going to go to nomihodai and he was kind of sad that he couldn't go, he said to bring him back a beer, and that we should join him and Max for sushi later. Then Collin said beer and sushi will make him through up on Yuta's pants. Yuta said in reply "Throw up on my head or face please, that way I can have something to eat." I started laughing at this absurd request, and said you can get a little drunk as well as get something to eat, we all agreed and had a good laugh.

So then Collin and I went to a beer garden, it was pretty nice, although it was a bit cold outside. They played this old hawaiian music that made it feel like me and Colin had been married for 40 years and were about to eat pudding. Definitely going to go back to the beer garden again, hopefully on a warmer day. After that me and Collin went to a convenience store and grabbed some pizza pockets and drank some beer, then a clerk was like sorry we don't do that here, referring to the beer, so we drank our beers outside. At some point I meet back up with Yuta, and we went to his friends bar near Rough Roll, it was a nice place, but there were like creepy dolls everywhere. Later on that night Yuta got mad, asking why we don't care about his friends bar? I guess because Max and Ian just got up and left with out saying anything. So Yuta didn't come with us when we went to J's bar. I had never seen Yuta mad before, I tried to tell him it was probably a misunderstanding. Hopefully everything will be okay.

As the night went on me and Collin kept drinking and were pretty wasted, Collin was about to leave when David showed up, so then he didn't leave and drank more, and then fell asleep on the couch at J's, I "rested" for a bit too, and then when I woke up figured I might as well make my way home since I am falling asleep here as well, so I snapped a picture of drunken Collin. Everytime me and Collin go out drinking he ends up passing out haha. Well I am going to watch Family Guy so I will end this here until next time.

2008-06-09T09:30:00.008-04:00

This past weekend I was in Tokyo. It was my first time actually spending time in Tokyo. I took the つばさ Shinkansen, the trip was like 2+ hours, I had been falsely told before that you can't drink beer on the train. I still brought beer anyway to drink (I am always one for breaking Japanese laws). On the train I found out that you can bring and drink beer, as almost every salaryman on the train had a beer in their hands! If I had known this I would have brought more beer, but it was okay, I guess. There were tons of people everywhere, people were rude as hell, it was everything I expected and more. The first day I went to Roppongi and had some Mexican food, とても　おいしい　です！It had been so long since I had Mexican food that I had almost forgotten how good it was. I miss it again already.

Yes this burrito looks like shit but I assure you it tasted like heaven! Mexicans where never big on presentation it's all about the substance when you are dealing with the Mexicans (yes that is a sweeping generalization don't take that seriously).

Didn't stay out for too late, but Roppongi looks like it is a pretty fun place, a bit overwhelming with the sheer amount of people walking about. There were tons of drunk people in the streets when we left, my friend Taiga dubbed it "Drunk town". I stayed at Taiga's house while I was in Tokyo, his house is nice (I wish I had a house). I saved a bunch on living costs that way. Japanese hotels can go to hell! So to make it so I wasn't a total leech I paid for Taiga's food and entertainment when ever I could.

On saturday I went to Akihabara and Shibuya. Two very different places Akihabra is a haven for おたく, and Shibuya is like a fashion show where everyone is dressed up to be looked at by everyone else. Of the places I went on my first excursion to Tokyo I think I like Roppongi the best. Because it looks and feels dirty, every breath of air in Roppongi tastes like expensive beer and gonorrhea ^_^! And I am quite fond of the dirty seedy life in Japan; not America, things are a bit to dirty and shady back home. I like to think of it like Goldilocks and the three bears, America's dirty is too dirty, and Japan's dirty scene is just dirty enough.

On a side note I just missed a murdering spree in Akihabara by one day. Talk about being lucky, I have never seen anyone being stabbed to death nor do I want to start seeing it now. And actually that picture of me was taken in Akihabara down the street from where the rampage started.

So at Akihabara we went to a Maid cafe which was a very interesting experience probably would have been better if I spoke Japanese, though. But I guess it is worth checking out if you are in the area, plus some maids go that extra (you know what I mean). Also me and my friends went into a giant adult superstore which was like 5 floors of dildos, random sex toys, and costumes, so that was interesting. Of course photos were banned at all of these places, so I couldn't take a picture of me holding huge fake boobs.

Moving along though in Shibuya I went to a club called Pure. Entrance was 3,500 yen with nomihodai, that was the deal of a lifetime. I wish Yamagata had something like that, could save a ton on drinks. But Club Pure was packed with people drinking and dancing. And I am talking western style dancing here, dick to butt grindin' action (oh yea!). So I danced with quite a few ladies. Some Japanese girls weren't to fond of western style dancing though so they like weaseled away, one even like hip bumped me away (haha). So that was interesting. I tried to talk to this girl who was amongst all her friends, and her friends protected her from me like a eagle watching it's young. As I approached there table I was greeted with a warm "FUCK YOU! Go away!", I could have said something rude back but I just drank my beer, and said ok. Later on I danced with all of the girls at the table especially the one I set out to talk with. And they apologized for their rudeness. Nice guys don't finish last, more like somewhere in the middle or kind of close to the end. Well I will retire for now until next time, おやすみ！

Oh My

2008-05-31T02:01:00.007-04:00

I woke up today after a night of heavy drinking and inebriation. And I started to look around my room to piece the preceding nights events together. I looked at my shoes and noticed splatters of some orange substance all over them. I thought to myself did I run through some mud or something last night WTF is this stuff? Then I remembered that I threw up like 3 times outside of the Yamagata police station. Hahaha I remembered going there to see if someone found my coin wallet, and I was like laying down on the table as tons of cops tried to figure out what I was saying, and why I was just laying on there table. They asked me if I was drunk, and I was like no just sleepy, and then as soon as I left I hurled threw up all over the place. The cat was out of the bag when I blew chunks, at that point it was pretty obvious I was wasted. When they saw me throw up they are like are you sure you aren't drunk? And I was like NO does it look like I am drunk and then I immediately threw up again. So that was pretty interesting, then I started to retrace my steps. On the way home from work I bought like a huge bottle of beer and drank it while I took a crap, which I know sounds disgusting but it wasn't that bad. After I went to Yuta's shop and drank some more and got pretty wasted there, BEFORE I went out to get wasted. Drinking in Japan can be expensive, as I am sure I have mentioned many times before. But I don't really care all my income is pretty much disposable so whatever.

So I returned to Sandinista again, and wait! I was going to go to Loop another bar and then Yuta said he heard that Kenny had gotten in a fight there. And I was like "Huh? I didn't get in a fight there!". So I hope the people at Loop are talking about someone else named Kenny which I find hard to believe, I doubt there is another Kenny here, but it's possible. Otherwise I feel they are slandering my name because I didn't go into there bar. So now I am kind of wary of Loop and the people I meet there. So any ways I went to Sandinista where I know a lot of people that are really cool. And at first the night was pretty slow I was drunk so I forgot that we actually got there early last night. I saw all the regulars I see there like every night haha. This time it was just me though Yuta had to help his friend out so I had to use what little Japanese I knew to make it through the night.

I was standing by the bar and this guy sitting at a table with a group of ladies started yelling at me to join them. I didn't know what was going on and then he extended a beer towards me, and it was like that painting where Man is reaching out to touch Gods' finger, it was heavenly. I grabbed the beer and sat down between two ladies who were enamoured with my stars. They asked me the basic questions how old am I? Where do I live? Do I have a girlfriend? When I tell people my age the freak out no one believes me or they think I am a baby. But, yea I talked with them for awhile and we all got up and danced my legs were aching from running with my students, and they still ache. And then like after awhile I went to talk to some other ladies I knew, but I probably should have kept talking to the ladies I was dancing with. I always spread myself to thin haha. I go for more than I can handle at any given moment, I always say ok tonight just stick to talking to one girl, but I always talk to a lot. And like I will go back and forth and some will leave and I am left with nothing. I hope that makes sense, it's kind of like a lion running after a group of gazelle he pursues one then all of a sudden goes after another one, and then another, and before he knows it he is tired and the gazelle have all scattered.

Ohh and let me recap the drunken bike antics that happened last night. I was sitting on my bike outside of Sandinista and kicked some random bike over next to mine and the owner happened to be walking up to get the bike as I was kicking it over haha, talk about awkard. Also it took me awhile to get up on my bike because I was so drunken I like almost feel getting on my bike. And riding your bike home when you are super drunk has to be the worst thing in the world, when it gets warmer I might start sleeping in the streets, or on the table at the police station. Also there was a group of people walking from downtown towards where I live, and I wanted to stop and talk to them, but it took all of my composure to keep my bike straight, so I just said screw it and pedaled to my house. I still need to meet people that live near me, so hopefully one day. . .

Japanese learning revisited

2008-05-28T07:44:00.005-04:00

Judge the commercial for yourself.

So I have been learning Japanese every day at work now for like 2 weeks and I had no idea what my ability is at!?! But just now I used a bit of it on Stickam.jp to talk to a few japanese people and I am actually getting better. Slowly but surely I am learning Japanese, it may take me 20 years but I will eventually learn a 2nd language. At first I was learning Japanese just to pick up the ladies but then, I figured screw that. That is like the worst reason in the world to learn a language. So that's why I quit learning Japanese for awhile. But then I got new inspiration from my phone company, or rather from their commercials. You see Softbank commercials feature this black guy, who people here swear I look like (although I deny such claims vehemently). So he says like 1 or 2 lines in Japanese and he is freakin' famous. So I figure if he can say "よそがい　です" and be famous here then I can say something equally as dumb and get equally as famous. And that ladies and gentlemen is the current reason I am learning Japanese. So hopefully when I do get around to living in Tokyo I can march up to the office of one of these phone companies and demand a job. And maybe some M&Ms. Hey I love those little chocolate delights, don't judge me. So for now I am going to eat this Japanese sausage I am making. No, not like that.

げんき！

2008-05-23T21:31:00.008-04:00

A random sign from the Yakitorri shop.

So time for an update, I know I am the laziest blogger ever. I am sorry guys and gals. But let's get into the blog so I have been spending a lot of time hanging out at Yuta's bike shop getting drunk and meeting some cool people. So now my life is similar to Clerks I just stand around and drink some beer, and talk what little Japanese I can. Speaking of me talking in Japanese, I think my Japanese is getting better, and I am happy! I can understand a bit more and read some more Kanji　(所=place). So I have been keeping a budget because I want to see where my money goes. So on friday I ran with my students, in something they call PSP. I think PSP means Physical Strength Patience, it doesn't make sense if it is a sentence but it's Japan so screw it. So anyways after I got off work I went to buy some food, and I didn't have quite as much money as I thought so I was like, "WTF!?!". So I started thinking maybe someone stole some of my money. So I started thinking of all the "mischievous" students who could commit such an act, but then I thought maybe it was another teacher. But after thinking back on the days and reconciling my budget, I started to realize I am a careless drunk.

This isn't the first time I thought someone stole something at work. I have these seating charts for my classes to help me learn students names. And one day they were missing so I assumed some of my students playing a joke took them so then I started my inquisition looking for the guilty party then while I was bored I looked all the way in the back of my desk drawer and my charts where there. I guess I am too used to living in America where my stuff gets stolen all the freakin time. But this is Japan, I have to remember that. People aren't going to throw bottles at me here, and I don't have to worry about what weapon the guy walking up to me in the street has. So when I realized I was jumping to conclusions I wasn't angry anymore I was just bored then. So what did I do? Well I shaved stars into my head! Yes that's right I shaved a big star unto each side of my head. I was worried with how they would come out but I think they came out pretty good considering it was my first time doing something like that. So after I shaved the stars into my head I practiced my C-walk, and then took a shower, and prepared for the night's adventure.

So I called my friend Yuta to see if he was up at the Bike Shop, and if he wanted some beer, Yes was the answer to both of those questions, as always. So I bought a 6 pack and a tall boy and head out for the night. Since it was dark as I rode my bike no one really noticed my stars but when I arrived at my destination everyone was like ohhhhhhh すごい!!! So I was instantly popular amongst the people at the bike shop, and ready to get drunk. So I knocked back a few cans of Asahi, and then we headed to Sandinista in a huge mob of bikers. On the way I noticed the ladies were noticing my hair, and it looks like they like what they saw. Score 1 for the home team! So in the bar I must say I had a pretty good night, probably the best night yet, I knew a lot of people as always and they were a lot of ladies, so it was all good. I started talking to a girl I thought looked familiar and it turned out she was familiar I had seen her earlier in the week at a Yakitorri shop. She was pretty cute I think I don't remember haha once again drunkeness clouds my hindsight.

I had to carve someone else's name into the wall, at their request.

But then I also think I screwed up some girl I don't remember who just like started rubbing my stars, she was obviously drunk. . .HELL YEA! So she was like do you dance, and I was like yes I do, "わかりますか　C-Walk?". I showed her a bit of the C-Walk but she wanted to see more, so she was like let's go to the dance floor. But on the way I got intercepted by a crowd of people I know and I didn't make it to the dance floor, so that sucked. And then like I forgot what I was doing so I just got another drink then like the girl left and when I remembered it was too late. So that blew, so after that I hung out for a bit more and talked to a few more ladies, before heading to J's Bar. When I go to J's bar it looked like America it was ton's of gaijin in there, and I was like ehh this kind of sucks, so I went back to Sandinista. And hung out for a bit more. I saw Beda at Sandinista and he was like let's go to J's so then I went back. This time I meet some guy named Alex, that Johnny knew. Alex was wearing these huge white gloves that it looked like he stole from Mickey Mouse. So he took one off to shake my hand and I hesitated, I was like do I want to shake this guy's hand!?! I looked at his hand to see what was wrong with it, and then said fuck it, and shook his hand. I still don't know why he was wearing those huge gloves, but he was an odd fellow. He had a mohawk poof thing that looked strange. It looked like a rapist hair cut, but maybe people think my haircut looks strange so I can't really judge the guy.

There is more but this blog is long and I am lazy. . . So I could say I will finish this later but I probably won't so I will end this here.

Ahhhh

2008-05-17T23:45:00.008-04:00

Haven't updated in awhile so figure I would take the time to write a bit today. There is much I want to say but I am not a liberty to discuss everything here on this blog, somethings are better left unsaid. And somethings I should never be discussed. But right now I will talk about something that shouldn't ever be mentioned anywhere. What is that you ask? Well it's simple, public masturbation. Random I know, but stick with me here, for this is one tricky dick, literally! Last night I was hanging out with my friend Yuta hitting some spots up around town doing some drinking have a good time, let me just say here that I wasn't all woman crazy this weekend, in fact I didn't even go out of my way like usual to try and find some sweet pun I just drank and had a good time. But, returning to the topic. As the night went on we found ourselves at J's bar and there was an interesting fellow passed out drunk on a couch. But what made it so interesting was even though this guy was drunk as hell passed out, he had like a Kung Fu grip on his tube steak. And it looked like he was fappin' people tried to stop him, but his grip was too strong he was masturbating like it was an ancient forbidden martial art that only he knew how to do. Of all the things you can do while passed out drunk I think masturbating has got to be one of the worst. It's right up there with passing out in your own vomit, maybe worse the verdict is still out on this. The best part was when he finished and wiped his hand on a nearby purse brushed himself off and walk out like nothing had even occurred. He was like oh I wasn't just pleasuring myself on that couch, not at all, it was all an illusion I am a magician. Watch as I the amazing Mongo make my hand disappear in my crotch region.

So a few other highlights about last night. First there were a ton of people standing around in the street for no apparent reason, but it was insane how many people were standing in the street, I am used to this town being a ghost town. And I am the lonely drunk gaijin rider, riding my bike into a drunken sunset. But last night the city was very alive, so that was a pleasant surprise. So I decided to drink a few beers at a convenience store, and on my 3rd beer I got wrangled. Yes some random Japanese guy came and got me and him and his friends took me to a club in the shadier part of town, I didn't go in though. At first he said I could go in for free but then we got there and he was like okay pay. And I was like I expected this I just walked with you so I could finish my beer. But he turned out to be a cool guy, so maybe one day I will hang out with him sometime. But as a whole last night was very fun, I even carved my name into the wall of the bathroom of one of my favorite clubs.

And not being content with just carving my name I also carved other people's names into the wall people who will probably never come to Japan that I know, but I made it look like they were here. You guys can thank me later (Cameron and Brandon).

Also what was surprising was that most of the stuff carved into the wall was in English/Engrish. Of course the obligatory "Fuck You" was carved into the door, and "Tommy wasn't blown here" was carved on the left wall with an arrow pointing to it with something else saying "Tommy is gay". So if Tommy ever comes back he will be pissed. Ohh the weekend wasn't all good, I got a free bracelet from one of my friends and then lost it like 10 minutes later, I have had 2 bracelets since I have been in Japan both have been really girly and make me look gay, but hey I like them, and wish I wasn't so destructive unknowingly. And the last thing I will mention is I C-walked last night and tons of girls video taped my foot work with their camera phones. I thought that was funny because I was drunk and I thought I sucked, but I ended up teaching a bunch of people how to do it. So that was fun. But for now I am going to practice my C-walk so また~!!

Japanese Rave

2008-05-11T07:24:00.007-04:00

A drunken picture before I went out Saturday

Let me start this blog of first by saying I freaking love wireless internet! The reason being is because I am taking a dump right now as I type this blog. Last night was Saturday night and it started off sort of uneventful. I was sitting around my place watching Purple Rain and drinking red wine. Great movie by the way. So after watching the movie I was thinking hey I should head up to Sendai, since it isn't too far away and it's a big city. But I was so lazy I just said screw it I am going to head to a local bar Sandinista, and see what stuff is like up there. I think the cover charge was 1,500¥ so that is about $15. Not to bad of a cover charge here in Japan, except for the fact that I didn't get a free drink with that cover charge so that freaking sucked. It was pretty slow in the bar. Actually I was concerned about how it was going to be inside as there was a lot of people standing outside of the bar leaving, so at first I thought it was closed. So after having a few drinks some people noticed me from my exploits around town. けーすけ (Kessuke) had remembered me from Kajo Park that day I was really drunk and passed out on the ground. The other guy ゆた (Yuta) I had seen only briefly from the night I was drinking nomihodai with Collin and David. Yuta spoke English so I was like sweet definitely going to hang out with this guy tonight, since I was rolling solo that evening.

After a few drinks I decided to talk to a few ladies, the first girls I talked to looked like lesbians but I was like screw it, so I talked to them, well rather her. You see one girl was really cute and the other was fat and looked like a dike. So I talked to the cute girl who is from Tokyo it turns out, as I talked to her I found out she has a boyfriend. So I was like umm talk to you later. I went back to get another drink and she came up to me and said "I'm a so drunk!", and I was like okay that's nice get out of my face please. I talked to a few other girls I think, I don't really remember. But what I do remember was meeting a guy who looked like he was an extra from New Jack City I mean he had the big plaid shirt baggy black pants K-Swiss, the works he looked like he just came from doing a drive-by shooting in 1985. So I talked to him and he was like your pants are so tight, and I replied "that's how I roll dawg!". After awhile I grew bored of Sandinista, so me and Yuta and one of his friends went to go get some Ramen. I can't stress enough how freaking delicious real Ramen is holy crap I love that stuff. But yea so this Ramen was good just like all the other Ramen I have ever eaten. After the Ramen me and Yuta decided to head up to J's bar which is like the only bar in the city that stays open really late.

I talked Jay into letting us pay a lower cover charge and still get a free drink. The cover charge was 2,000¥ ($20) but Jay let us pay half that and still get a free drink. That night at J's there was a rave complete with crazy gaijin on X jumping all around and being all sweaty. I danced a bit to the techno music that was blaring from the speakers, and talked to a few people, there was a guy in the bar wearing a mask I have no idea what that was about but he looked like a Luchadore. There was a girl who was having her birthday party there, I talked a bit with her she was actually 21! OMG I actually found a girl who isn't like 6 years older than me or 8 years younger than me. Her name is Miki, I believe she said she was half Japanese half Filipino. And I think she was pretty cute, once again hard to remember, because I was drunk and it was dark, but I am definitely going to try and see her again maybe next weekend. Later on I started talking to some other girl who was completely wasted, she was leaning against the bar rolling her head around. As I talked to her she just got out of her chair and sat on the floor I thought she was about to vomit, so I rubbed her back to make her feel better. Damn it would have been so sweet if she threw-up (haha). Yea but then she like put her head in my lap and I was like wait I hope she doesn't throw up on me. I guess maybe I was being half sleazy here as well, I was asking her if she wanted to leave. But then like I got Japanese cock blocked. Some other guy walked up and picked her up. I am hoping it was her friend or something, but it was probably just some other sleazy guy who came and took my prize. He won though he spoke Japanese so I was just like okay I lose this time, so I went back to talk with Miki and she fed me some of her cake, and I asked her why she didn't have a boyfriend, and she said like she broke up with him, I guess recently. So I got her number and we danced a bit and then she had to go. So after she left one of the crazy gaijins high on X walked up to me and was like come on buddy let's fuckin dance so I got up and danced.

Later on I served as a drunken translator for him as well, he wanted me to help him talk to a couple of ladies at the other end of the bar. He couldn't have picked a worse group, they were lesbians. I told the girls I don't believe them I need to see it, "Seeing is believing" after all. So the kissed and I was like okay now I believe it. . .I think let's see it once more so there are no doubts, but they were like no! Before I left for the night I talked to one more lady who was from Sendai, I have no idea why someone from Sendai would come to Yamagata to party but, she had some reason for coming here to party. When I found out she was from Sendai I tried to get her number so I could have a contact person in Sendai but she said no, I got burneeddddd. Also let me mention that there was almost a fight in the bar between a gaijin and a Japanese guy I went over to break it up, kind of silly for me to be breaking up fights because I am a pretty small guy, but once I got up to go over there Jay and his boys got up to, they are pretty big guys so with them backing me we stopped the two guys from fighting, and told the Japanese guy to leave. Yea that's right we made the Japanese guy leave. When I walked outside the sun was beaming down, it was freaking 8am I had raved all night. I said Ohayo gozaimasu to the other people from the rave who were standing around outside, and then rolled off on my bike. I stopped off at Renaissance, a gym nearby, to try and join. I figured since I was nearby I might as well swing by, but of course they were closed. Well I am going to go to sleep people, got freaking work tomorrow I am like the only teacher who has to work everyday this week. Mike is off this whole week and is in Tokyo and Julie another teacher I came up here with is off tomorrow and is hanging with her friends from back home. But not me I get shafted :(

Learning Japanese

2008-05-06T10:56:00.005-04:00

Ahh yes the Japanese language (日本語), so mysterious so daunting and seemingly impossible. Many people ask me, "Your in Japan right? Do you speak any Japanese?". To which I reply (sukoshi) すこし which means "a little". Hmm the topic of the Japanese language can help me shed some light on why I chose to come to Yamagata prefecture. You see back when I was just a bum sitting around on a futon eating chips and wiping the grease from them on my shirt, I decided I want to go to Japan and learn Japanese. So then I started thinking if I go to Tokyo I might not actually learn Japanese I will probably just meet a bunch of other foreigners and hang out with them, and just speak English all the time. Then I decided my best bet to learn Japanese was to go to a smaller city far from Tokyo. A city with not a lot of gaijin, some place where I could really interact with the Japanese locals. That place was to be Yamagata city. At first I imagined my time in Yamagata to be some dream like existence where I am like doing all this cool stuff; like maybe playing against Godzilla in a game of pogs.

But then I started thinking of the other side of things. What if my life was like that of Frankenstein; where I am like viewed as like some kind of monster. And my life is that of an outcast, and it all culminates into a rainy night where the people of Yamagata are outside my apartment with torches shouting "kill the monster" (in Japanese of course). Having lived here for a month I find I haven't really learned too much Japanese I spend most of my time riding my bike around the city trying to find out what things are fun to do. And as far of my fears of just hanging out with foreigners, well they have manifested themselves here in Yamagata, as the only Japanese I know are from drunken forays into the night, which does not a good friend make here in Japan. Many of you reading this are probably thinking "Ohh shizzie he had a strizoke in his brizzain and now he's throwing in the towel!". In fact many of my friends are like "done with Japan yet? can I expect to see you at this party next week?". I guess everyone expects me to just give up and return to America. Take note of what I am about to say, America still sucks hahaha. I still chose my peaceful life in Japan (no matter how boring and uneventful it can be sometimes) to life in America.

Let me also say that I am not saying that I hated my life in America, I have a lot of really good friends back home that I miss. I just wish they were here in Japan with me, as opposed to be being back in America with them. Actually I think one of my friends who recently graduated is going to try and come to Japan to do the same thing I am doing. If he makes it over here that would be awesome I am hoping that he does it and everything works out. You know who you are Gordon (you mark ass trick). So I have definitely strayed from the original topic which was Japanese language, so let me return to that.

I am giving up on learning Japanese! Haha, but wait don't misunderstand me I am still going to learn conversational Japanese; however I am not going to go out of my way to learn grammar and Kanji and all of that stuff. Hey I am still American and I will exercise my right to be lazy as it is written in the 69th Amendment, "every American has the right to excessive laziness". Also I am going to just let things happen from now on, as I sit here and type this I have decided I want to return to my care free days, those are the days I miss most. Being young and eating hot dogs right out of the package and eating Cap'n Crunch by candle light as I watched Angry Beavers. I am done trying to chase the ladies, I am just going to make some friends ^_^! I think this is the best choice sorry ladies, you will just have to wait, because I am stapling my wang to my leg for now. And now I will take my rest and prepare for my first day of not caring. But I will still care at work, I can't be to carefree I will lose my job.

Golden Week

2008-05-03T20:23:00.009-04:00

Right now in Japan there is a week that has a bunch of holidays in it, which is called Golden week. Right now I am celebrating my Golden week, but my Golden week is more like a Golden day, I only have like 2 days off. Meanwhile, the other teachers have like 6 and 7 days off. Well shortness aside I am making the most of it on Friday a couple of ladies took me to a bar called Izakaya (イザカヤ), which is like a traditional Japanese bar, and it was very cool. Of course when asked what I would like to drink I went for the nomihodai! I mean why limit yourself to one drink, when you can have a buffet of drinks! So as you can guess I got pretty wasted and somehow I ended up at a different table!?! I started the night off sitting amongst a group of ladies, (of various degrees of attractiveness) and somehow ended up sitting with a soccer team. At the table with the soccer team I think shirts were banned because no one was wearing a shirt, and my shirt was quickly ripped off as well, nothing like shirtless drinking. Trust me it wasn't as gay as it sounds, and I am sure it sounds pretty gay. Actually speaking of homosexuality one of the girls I was with asked me if I was gay, because I was wearing a pink shirt. This was a WTF moment, because I was wearing a pink shirt I must be gay??? I see Japanese guys wearing like the most feminine clothing ever some even have like man purses and blouses. But if I wear a regular ass shirt that happens to be pink I must be gay. Ok back to Friday night the girls were kind of meh in the looks department. What I am about to say is going to sound pretty chauvinistic; but at one point while I was drinking I looked around at the ladies I was sitting with, and thought to myself, these girls are okay but I can do better, I mean come on I am not only A black guy in Yamagata; I am THE black guy (as in the only one). But all that aside I had a pretty good time at Izakaya.

The next day I went to a Japanese BBQ with a different group of ladies. The second group of women were all nurses, and were all a bit older than me, I think they were all 24. Also they spoke way less English than the first group, but of course that really didn't matter it's not like the first group had the best English. This was my first Japanese BBQ and hopefully it won't be my last it was freaking fun! One of hosts of the BBQ gave me a beer, in this tiny mug. I just kind of stared at it then drank the beer in like 2 gulps, and he was like sorry you need the big mug. So then he went inside and got the BIG mug and I was like now were drinking the right way. I don't know half of the stuff I was eating but it was all delicious. But then the more I drank the stranger things became. For one thing the girl I was with had a nice body but her face was kind of average maybe even a bit lame (haha I just said someone has a lame face). And like the more I drank the worse she started to look!?! Normally there is a thing called beer goggles where the more you drink the better someone looks, but I guess Japanese beer has an opposite effect. And another thing (I am not sure if it was because I was drunk), it seemed like every woman there was coming on to me and like there husbands and boyfriends were like right next to them, and some of their husbands were even encouraging what was going on, so that made things a bit awkward. One of the wives decided to make what was already awkward for me even more awkward by asking me "which girl here do you like the most to be your girlfriend?" . At this point I felt like a Penguin eating jello with chopsticks, I had hit Awkward city next stop Clown Towne. So I just kind of sat there with a blank expression on my face, when all of a sudden I was saved by a naked child by the name of Mahiro. I guess young Mahiro sensed I was in danger, so he rushed to my rescue. But like most things in Japan it was a bizzare rescue to say the least, he ran across the table to where I was sitting and preceded to shake his penis in front of my face. As I sat there being assaulted by baby penis and awkward questions I had an epiphany. Maybe it was the beer and maybe it was the tiny baby penis flapping about, but I realized that penis length needs to be measured in minutes instead of inches, so next time someone asks me how big my penis is I will say it is 15 minutes long. But I think I enjoyed the BBQ more than the night at the bar, I want to go to more Japanese BBQs ^_^!!! I suppose I will just start walking up to random BBQs and start eating. Well I will end this here and try to find something to do today. It seems no matter what country you live in Sundays are always lame ass days :(

Kenn's Engrish Adventures

2008-04-29T09:55:00.013-04:00

Today was a beautiful day not too hot and not too cool it was just right. I meet up with Luke, and took the path he takes back to his house from Jusco. On the path he follows there are like a bunch of things like a batting cage, karaoke place, steak restaurant (hellz yea!), other restaurants, and arcades, so that street is definitely the street to go to in my area it seems. Let's move on to a few Engrish signs that can be seen in Yamagata.

The first is my personal favorite this is a sign for a clothing store called Dark Hollow, at first from a distance the sign looks inviting it has a helpful finger pointing potential shoppers to the store, but as you get close you will notice exactly which finger it is. And as you get even closer you will see the words "FUCK", clearly written at the bottom of the sign, so I am not sure if they want people to shop there. It seems to me, like this store is full of itself; the message I get from that sign is, "hey in this alleyway is a store but, we don't want you shopping here, so fuck off!".

The next sign is from a store affectionately called PUNANNY! This store unlike the last store seems very inviting this is one PUNANNYthat is open to all old or young rich or poor everyone can go into this PUNANNY. But sadly I have yet to purchase anything from PUNANNY. And while we are on the topic of PUNANNY I should maybe take this time to update my readers on my status in the land of Punanny. As many of you know I have been striking out pretty regularly. Well Saturday I went to Rough Roll which is like a British style pub, which means you stand apparently (not one single bar stool), and at Rough Roll I knocked back a couple of shots of Jameson which were expensive and weak, and then I decided to talk to two "young" ladies sitting in a bench near the front door. It turns out they weren't "young" at all one was 37 the other was like 34, so that was a bit odd. But Japanese people seem to age slowly (yes that is a stereotype), the 37 year old started getting a bit touchy-feely and I decided to exit stage left. So after a few more drinks I departed and rode my bike home on what was a cold and bitter night.

I know what your thinking nothing has changed!?! Kenn you still suck bawls. But I am not done yet, I was already supposed to meet up with a girl this friday, and then tonight another girl called me to hang out with her Saturday. So I am thinking now damn I went from nothing to maybe doing too much. So I guess I will need to take my pick. Neither one speaks good english, however. When I asked one what she likes to do upon first meeting her the answer I got was: "I enjoy receiving the long walk on the beach, after the anal sex has been successfully made", and I was just sitting there trying not to laugh as I said, "me too, we have so much in common". So at this point without having done anything with either one, I am leaning towards the girl I will meet on Saturday, since she is a bit older, 24 I think, and I want to see what it's like dating an older woman, just not too old, I don't want to date anyone's mom. Saturday, I am going to a barbecue with the older woman, she is going to pick me up in her car and drive me to her friends house. I am sure it will be a long and awkward card ride, with neither of us understanding one another, but I am excited anyway at the sheer awkwardness of the day. Friday I have no idea what is going to happen, it is just going to be random, but it should still be fun, plus I have an opportunity to help out a friend as she is bringing one of her friends and instructed me to do the same, so it's like a Japanese double date with one of the dates being blind. So for now I am going to eat Japanese frosted flakes and update you guys later, hopefully this last part made sense my mind kept going blank hahaha.

And on a side note: STFU Anthony!!!

???

2008-04-24T05:21:00.003-04:00

I don't know what to title this blog entry, so it will just be a random blog. where I will recap a few things from the past here in Japan. Number one is that first night I went to that bar there was one detail I left out, which I will mention here. You see as I was drinking something strange happened this japanese guy walked up to me and started C-walking!?! I was drunk so I was just like umm すみません　WTF!!! Then it hit me after it was over I realized that I had just been served, so too ensure that never happens again I am teaching myself how to C-walk I am sure I will be served many more times before I can officially battle someone on the dance floor but I will beat someone one day. Next thing I left out is any details about my job. I like my job and I like my students; I thought I was going to hate kids, but that isn't the case. And there is nothing like the time I have in between classes, nothing like picking your nose in the bathroom for an hour will singing I sit down when I pee. Also there is a video of me being drunk in the park I haven't decided if I should release it or not, because what if I want to do something important one day like run for Mayor of some city, that video would blow up in my face. And speaking of blowing up Japanese toilets suck when it comes to handling American shit. Like I have to turn on the bidet, and have it squirting into my butt hole at a 45 degree angle just to soften the bricks I am passing. The bidet softens and obliterates most of the crap, but tends to leave feces splashed on my wall and everywhere else. And lastly I have uploaded an official apartment tour so you can see how I am living, the production values are a lot less than like MTV cribs or Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, but that is because my budget consisted of a pineapple rind and a dead bee, I didn't have money to spend on rental Gorillas and explosions; maybe next time. And the final, final thing is if you fart and your fart smells like a dick then you are gay, there is no discussion on this matter, it is written in stone. So for now I must practice my C-walk so until next time.

Monday night

2008-04-22T06:05:00.005-04:00

As many of you know I missed work on Monday and decided to spend the day in the park drinking since I was officially off on Tuesday, which is today. I drank Shochu for the first time which is like a rice based alcohol. I was drinking with Luke and then I started playing a bit of soccer with some small kids who were playing near where we were sitting. As I was playing soccer a Japanese guy ran up and started playing too and then I like gave him a shot of Shochu and then he like introduced us to his friends, and I think I drank a bit with them too!?! I have no idea what all happened because shortly after that things got really blurry and I ended up face down on the ground in a puddle of my own vomit shaking because I was cold. Yea so not my proudest moment, I was awoken later on that night by some of the people I meet earlier they asked where my friends were and if I think I should head home, but I was still drunk so I just laid on the ground and said what little words I could form. Eventually I got up and decided to look for my headphones because I had no idea where they were, in my search I meet some other people. I am pretty sure I smelled like vomit and there was vomit on my clothes, but the new people didn't mind so I sat with them for a bit and talked it up, when all of a sudden another gaijin named Guy showed up and then we all had a good time, I got some girls number, I don't remember what she looks like haha. That is a reoccurring theme it seems. But yea Monday night was a blur for the most part. After awhile everyone started to leave and I asked some guys on the other side of the park if they had seen any headphones. Some guy said something to me in Japanese and then tapped my crotch and tried to maneuvr himself into a full on grouping session, so that was like not awkward at all. I equate that moment to like getting a BJ or something in your car and as you finish you are looking at some guy walking across the street and you lock eyes, now all of a sudden you are gay because you climaxed while staring into some guys eyes, and then your girl friend is like lets go all the way, and you are like no thanks I am gay now. That is what the moment felt like in a nutshell. But yea once again the night was largely unsuccessful in terms of my luck with the ladies. It's not like I am striking out though, well not completely but now I am getting lazy, and I kind of don't even care anymore I am just going to say screw it and just do what ever. Ohh also I went to Tendo this weekend I think!?! I went there sometime maybe not the weekend and saw like a human chess game, I forget what the festival was called, but it was pretty nice. We meet some other gaijin and got invited to a wedding which will have nomihodai which is all you can drink!!! So that should be fun, but yea I will end it on this note because I am tired.

Cherry Blossums

2008-04-19T20:58:00.012-04:00

Last week I went to Kajo park to see the Cherry Blossoms, and it was quite beautiful I just hated that the week the bloomed was a very rainy week. But I still got a chance to see them though so I was happy. I just wish I could have gotten drunk underneath them :( in true Japanese fashion. But, I had work the next morning, so I have a responsibility to not going to work smelling like some drunk gaijin. Here are some pictures that I took last night with my camera phone. I must say my phone takes some great pictures especially at night!! The camera on my phone was better than my friends stand alone cameras, suck on that nubs.

I will upload these pictures and some more in their original size on like flickr or something I have to make an account. So I will post that link so you can see bigger pictures ^_^. But for now I am going to eat lunch and maybe poop. Until next time.

Sundayyy (日)

2008-04-13T05:15:00.006-04:00

Hello again today has been another otaku day where I just sat around and did nothing. But last night was round 2 of last Saturday. This time was a lot better. I was hanging out with some other gaijin in the city they are pretty cool guys. We started off the day drinking at Luke's house I had about 6 can's of Guinness (おいしい！). On like my 2nd beer Collin came and joined us, he was drinking some Sapporo I think. After we finished drinking the beer then I took a large shot of Rum and like a shot of some Japanese plum liquor, that Luke poured me, I could tell that I was going to like these guys already. After getting nice and buzzed we headed off on our bikes towards J's bar which is where I was last Saturday. This time instead of just walking in and not paying any kind of cover charge I had to pay like 2,000 yen. And that got me a free drink and a stick of gum and some lame ass glow sticks. The first thing I did when I walked in was realize I lost my drink ticket, I told J and he was like I got you man but then I found it so it was all good. Although I should have just taken the drink he was going to give me and used my drink ticket later on in the night.

I sat at the bar and ate like all the strawberries from a fruit tray, and left all the kiwis in an ash tray in front of me. Collin was like who wasted all these kiwis and I was like it was me! Ain't no shame in the game. Let me mention here that last time I was in J's I was wearing a back pack and had all these translation books and I looked like a tool. This time I left the books behind and the bag and I didn't look like such a tourist. Now with that said back to the night. I used some of the Japanese I had worked so hard to learn the day before, on a few of the local ladies. But being drunk I forgot most of it so I was just like screw it I will talk in English and say what I want, whether they understand or not. This actually proved to be a good tactic, but I still used some of my sleazier Japanese like lets go talk over there in that dark corner, but that didn't work to well. Actually most of the night went like last Saturday in the beginning it wasn't till like the last hour that I actually started getting some numbers. And so now I have all these numbers and I don't know what faces go with what numbers, so I just took a random crap shoot, and texted one girl who I thought would know a bit of English. At first her English was okay but then it turned into Engrish really quickly, so I was like ummm let's use simple Japanese so I know precisely what you are trying to say, other wise I would probably get the wrong ideas or just be utterly confused.

So after a very good night of drinking and mingling another gaijin Max shows up like super late and like he is like let's get Ramen! At this point Luke is missing, so it's just me Collin and Max. We get on our bikes and me and Max take off I look back and Collin was lagging behind, and he just kind of got left behind. Every place we went was closed so we just parted ways and I headed home. On the way home I bought like a Bento box at a convenience store and some rice balls. Now this is where it gets odd I was pretty drunk, and I rode my bike all the way home no problem. That shouldn't have been the case, here you have a drunk guy on a bike riding on streets with no lights!?! So I was like yea I am not as "Trunk as you Drink I am". I am on the home stretch I am literally 20 feet from my front door, and out of the corner of my eye I think I see a frog so I turn to look at it, I crashed instantly right into a drainage ditch on the side of the road, I scraped up my face and some guy delivering pizza who was leaving stood there and looked at me as I rolled around in the street in agony, finally I regained my composure and walked my bike the rest of the way too my house. I got in and spit blood on my floor (which explains the picture) and checked to see if anymore of my teeth were broken. Yea I never mentioned this here but like last week I chipped one of my teeth in another biking accident involving drunken biking. The moral here is don't bike drunk kids! I never learn lessons so I will keep on doing it till all my teeth are gone then I will get some sweet hard plastic replacements with spinning rims in them.

It's just another rainy day! (ええ　おてんき　ですね）

2008-04-11T00:26:00.008-04:00

This is where the magic happens!

Well it's another beautiful rainy day here in Japan. I had to check my address to make sure I wasn't living in perhaps London. So today I just kind of laid on my floor and let my mind wander. And that is something that shouldn't happen; when my mind is allowed to idol, and go into autopilot it thinks of the sickest and crudest crap imaginable. I thought my ideas were ingenious and that is why I majored in Marketing in college. But as it turns out the only other people that find my ideas ingenious are: teenage boys that fart in the shower and then laugh uncontrollable, and the inbred hick who talks to squirrels in the back woods of Alabama and believes himself to be the squirrel messiah. So now let's jump into want insane things I thought of today since the rain will prevent me from doing much else.

So the first thing that sparked off my thoughts was someone telling me that 21 is the legal age of consent in Japan and I was like OMG I am barely legal (scandalous). So right after that I look around my room bored again and see a picture of Spiderman. And I start thinking about how quickly Hollywood goes to cash in on something. And what really makes a superhero so super tight spandex in bright colors? If that is the case then a couple of internet predators in their tight wrangler jeans and pink Kim possible shirts can be superheros as well, there super powers would include crotch moistening action, X-ray vision (from their 1980s rapist glasses), and leech powers from living in their parents basement and eating all the freaking Apple Jacks when they know damn well they don't taste like Apple, but rather cardboard and sorrow with just a pinch of cinnamon sprinkled on top.

Right after that I decided to listen to Soulja Boy, yes that's right I consciously decided to listen to Soulja boy. So as I am listening to "Yuuuuuuuuuuu" over and over again it hits me; Soulja boy should market cleaning supplies! Got tough stains on your dishes let Soulja boy "Yuuuuuuuuu" it right out. Toilet clogged from shaking your "booty meat" no problem because Soulja Boy is "cocking on it's bitch ass" and "if [it gets' to clogging] then he's jocking on [it's] bitch ass". See that is pure genius.

Ok this is a Japan blog so I have to put something in here about Japan. So let me point out a peculiarity that I have noticed and I don't think I have mentioned here before. In my travels I have seen a lot of Japanese girls walking with their feet bent inwards at like a 30 degrees angle. It almost seems like Kimbo Slice lives in Japan and is having intimate relations with every girl in Japan, because they walk like he just put a hurting under their skirtin'. When I get a close female friend or meet another Gaijin who has lived here for awhile I am going to be sure to ask him about this. But man is it fun to see the ones afflicted with this walking condition run. One girl was wearing a suit and running to the station; she looked like a retarded homosexual penguin. That was a 笑　moment. Speaking of laughing I have to take a crap so I have to go for now. またね！

2008-04-10T03:58:00.005-04:00

This is my bed I took this with my new phone

I officially have a phone now! I decided to go with Softbank in Japan, now the phone I have is cool and all but I feel like I wanted a different model, something more slim and with less Megapixels in the camera. But w/e it was too much work to get the phone it took 4 hours because the sales representative was talking with a translator program. She would look something up write something in English on paper then pass the paper to me and I would write my response in English. Some of the stuff that was said was funny; one message said "I am cheap and I take it hard from a foreigner". So I was trying my hardest not to laugh at some of the absurd things she was writing down. The only complaint about my phone is how thick it is. It's about the same depth as a DS Lite. I like to have small pockets on my pants, so things in my pocket can be close to my balls, and make it look like I have like 6 testicles with all the bulging going on. Plus the amount of crap I put in my pockets makes it also look like I am wearing a utility belt under my pants.

In other news I have found a grocery store that sells Guinness, which is like my favorite beer of all time. And speaking of drinking last Saturday I went to a bar down town, and tried my luck with the ladies. I am not sure if it was because I smelled of whiskey or that I didn't know much Japanese, but it was a disaster, I got shot down by like every girl I talked to. I think I tried to talk to about 8. And it was freaking hip hop night at the bar so me being a black guy I was like okay that should give me some extra points, WRONG!! So I rode back out to my place drunk and defeated that night and just passed the hell out. It was at this moment I was like damn I should have went to Tokyo, I probably would have had a baby by now. But whatever it's only been a week well almost 2 now. Ohh and I signed up for a language partner yesterday. I was able to put down a preference so I said I wanted a young Japanese woman. The guy behind the counter looked at my request and said, "Are you trying to study Japanese language or Japanese women". To which I was replied "ummm, where is your daughter?", at which point he put my form at the very bottom of the stack. So yea I will continue to teach myself Japanese. I still have not started work yet, so I am just doing nothing with my life but eating, but hey the food is good. But I will end this here for now so I can go back to doing nothing.

Old people suck

2008-04-06T18:27:00.004-04:00

A picture from my tenant manual regarding trash

It is 7:25 here in the morning and I am really hating old people right about now. Because they are useless! In Japan garbage has to be sorted into separate bags and placed in a specific place or you get fined. And each day is a different type of garbage. Burnables on Monday (月）and Thursday (木), Non-burnables on Wednesday (水), PET Bottles on Tuesday (火), and mystery day on Friday (金). Now for the longest time I didn't even know what went into what category. Being an American in my book everything is burnable Apple cores, batteries, Styrofoam, buckets made out of lead, and even fire (you can burn a fire with an even hotter fire). So I just threw my trash on the floor of my apartment and made it into a slimey carpet (some of it is still on the floor). But then one day I decided to be a bit more civilized, so I bought individualized trash bins to help me sort out my garbage. But even then I still didn't know what went where, so I just threw the bins on the floor to and just stepped over them, they were the speed bumps of life.

Eventually I did figure out how to sort my garbage (I think!?!). So I was feeling pretty good now I just needed to know where to put it to be collected by the sanitation workers? No problem I thought I would just ask one of my elderly neighbors who are always in tending to their gardens in the wee hours of the morning. WRONG!!! And this brings me to the specific reason I hate old people. I walked up to Neighbor A and asked her nicely "doko ni garakuta" (where trash?) she replied "No". I was thinking to myself here ummm surely you must know where, I mean you have to put your garbage somewhere. Then I started thinking maybe she thinks her garbage is too good for my garbage and she doesn't want the two to intermingle. So I go to neighbor B same question same response!?! At this point I am just like WTF!!! See if I was to be a typical American and just throw my garbage over the fence into one of my neighbors' yards, they would be all like "young people today don't have respect for the elders, and they don't follow the rules". Well old people maybe if you tell young people what to do they will follow the rules.

So now I have all my trash around my washing machine like some kind of filthy moat. In fact the trash is kind of like acid; like when I was a kid jumping on certain tiles in school, black would be safe and white would be acid. So if I take clothes out of my washing machine and they fall into the trash moat they instantly become trash too, I don't feel like trying to salvage clothes that have fallen into a pool of blood from meat and rotten vegetable juice and what ever else is in my trashy moat.

The arrival pt. 2

2008-04-02T05:35:00.005-04:00

This was what I made for dinner tonight ^_^

Ok I have no idea where I left off on the last blog, but let's just skip to the flight itself. The flight from O'hare Airport to Narita Airport was about 14 hours, and it was perhaps one of the best flights I have ever been on. The meals were great, I think the liquor was free!?! I don't know I didn't want to get drunk, and then have to just sit still for hours. I was sitting next to the window and there was a lady sitting in my row in the aisle seat, so she monopolized the bathroom access so it was a waiting game to see who could out last the other. Seeing as how I have a bladder of steel I won every time. Let me mention that the closer I got to Japan the more afraid I became, like I was having like a small anxiety attack, I didn't know what to expect, and I was questioning what I was doing. Once I made it through customs and I was sitting outside the Airport my anxiety subsided and was overtaken by exhaustion I hadn't slept too much on the flight, and not at all the day before. Which was now like 2 days since Japan is a day ahead. That's right boys and girls I live in the future. I took a bus to my next destination and that was another 2 hour journey, when I finally arrived at the hostel I was staying at I was ready to take a hot shower and relax.

When I went upstairs to where my room was my boss was waiting for me and I immediately had to start filling out paperwork so that took like another 2 hours. After that was done they told me that I was staying in a room with 2 other people, and I was thinking back to dorm life ehh. I had trouble opening the door I forget everything is reverse here so turning the key to the right locked the door instead of unlocking it. So for the first couple of days I was afraid to leave the room because I was afraid I would look myself out. When I finally did get the door open with the help of my boss I was greeted to a cozy living space that consisted of one room with tatami mats on the floor. This was my first experience to live in a traditional Japanese style apartment, it wasn't too bad. The guys I were staying with were both from California and they were pretty nice. After talking to them I decided to see about that hot shower. After a bit of walking I discovered that the shower was like a community shower with a few shower nozzles on the wall and one big bathtub in the left corner, it was also unisex! So I slowly backed out and just went back to my room and went to sleep. Sleeping underneath the Japanese futon was a bad idea, I sweated like some fat guys ball sack after he had been walking around all day. I woke up all sticky and I was like now I really need a shower. I thought since it was early no one would be in the shower. . .WRONG! There was an entire Japanese family in there with their kids, and I didn't just want to waltz in there like "Konnichiwa bitches" with my bratwurst flopping all about. I mean my wang is like Secret antiperspirant strong enough for a man but made for a woman (yes this joke is old and lame, I know).

For the first week or so I just stayed near the hostel, not because I was afraid but rather because I was either doing training or under the watchful eye of my boss. And as anyone who has worked with me can tell you I am a very professional worker with an extremely high work ethic, so I try to carry myself in a respectable manner when I am at work or among co-workers. Unfortunately I can't say the same for my colleagues who wasted no time ad all descended on the beer vending machine in the lobby. Some people were walking in and out of the training to go and grab another beer, talk about a great first impression for your boss to receive.

I missed some of the training myself but because my boss needed me to leave to finish getting my Visa and to complete a health check up. I was somewhat surprised at the health test the doctor asked me if I was a long distance runner. I was like umm no I lift weights and that's about it, he said "You are the healthiest person I have seen in years". That was good news to hear because the last thing I want is to get sick while I am here. After the training and everything was complete I prepared for another long trip, (4 hours this time) up to Yamagata-shi （山形市）, which was where I would be living. On the way I bought some chocolate covered Almonds called Lotte, and I have been eating them ever since, in fact I just ate a box of them while I was writing this blog. Upon arrival in Yamagata-shi I was thinking of one thing and one thing only taking a shower, it had been about 4 days since I took a shower, and I was feeling like Swamp Thing. Tune in for the next installment on my apartment.

The life of a Kenny

Round eye.

Unprofessionalism at its finest

hmm

3rd base!

Hmm

Train Tales

Where is my mind?

Plan B!!!

Something strange is happening here. . .

What gives!?!

Third time isn't the charm.

ほとんど。。。

Where the money at?

久しぶりね！

About to leave (again)

AIM Chats

Sleepy

Umm. . .

Hospital days

What Happened???

Friday night. . .

Back to work :(

Let's Golden Week it's best each other

何！？！

GUNMA!!

PARANOID!

The night before

Not only did I not go on a diet. . .

Should I go on a diet!?!

Are you going to eat the rest of that baby?

I just can't remember

I have changed a lot through these years. .

Aww yea!

I am pissed!

". . .Maybe he celebrates Kwanza. . ."

Why wait!?!

Me, myself, and I. . .

RIP Myspace

The revelation

LEADER

NO TITLE

The freedom of being flightless

I am feeling the love <333

OBAMA!

Stickin it to the man

Insomnia

Heartless

Samurai Jack - Spring

6 months as an Ex-pat :(

Observations

Long overdue

Broke my phone :(

Short -n- sweet

I <3 Fixies

School

Really long time

Birthday weekend

Another weekend in 山形市

Oh My

Japanese learning revisited

げんき！

Ahhhh

Japanese Rave

Learning Japanese

Golden Week

Kenn's Engrish Adventures

???

Monday night

Cherry Blossums

Sundayyy (日)

It's just another rainy day! (ええ おてんき ですね）

Old people suck

The arrival pt. 2

It's just another rainy day! (ええ　おてんき　ですね）